Community› Wedding Discussion Boards› Moms and Maids
Moms and Maids
New Discussion
Options

recovering alcoholic as bridesmaid??

jmwilkinjmwilkin member
First Anniversary First Comment
edited July 2013 in Moms and Maids

One of my best and longest friends has just begun alcohol recovery (she is about 6 months sober). I would absolutely love if she would be one of my maids if she stays clean. There is a little less than a year until my wedding. Is it disrespectful to ask her to be part on that one condition, or is that a slap in the face? If I should mention it to her, what is the best way of going about it? If I shouldn't, what is your opinion on the situation?

I'll take all of the advice I can get!! Thank you :)

Report Reply to Post

Re: recovering alcoholic as bridesmaid??

  • Options
    cbrown828cbrown828 member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    I would wait awhile longer before asking her, and I wouldn't put any conditions on it.Yes, it's a slap in the face. You're basically saying, "I want you to stand up with me on my special day because I love you, but if you relapse forget everything I just said." If she relapses and wants to drink, your wedding is not going to stop her. Recovery is a lifelong process, and she's very fresh into it at 6 months.

    I would also ask yourself what is more important, this friendship and your friend's recovery process, or having her as a bridesmaid. You can always have her as a guest as well.
    Daisypath Wedding tickers
    Report Reply
  • Options
    OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    jmwilkin said:

    One of my best and longest friends has just begun alcohol recovery (she is about 6 months sober). I would absolutely love if she would be one of my maids if she stays clean. There is a little less than a year until my wedding. Is it disrespectful to ask her to be part on that one condition, or is that a slap in the face? If I should mention it to her, what is the best way of going about it? If I shouldn't, what is your opinion on the situation?

    I'll take all of the advice I can get!! Thank you :)

    Have you asked any other BMs yet?  If you have not, wait until about 9 months before your wedding to ask the WP.  If your friend is still sober (and I hope she is!), then ask her.  If at anytime she relapses, at that time, evaluate what you want to do.  If you think that somehow, her being in your wedding is enabling her drinking, then tell her you do not want her in the WP anymore due to her drinking.
    Report Reply
  • Options
    MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    It would be rude to place conditions on your friend's participation in your wedding party. It will also demonstrate to your friend that you don't have a lot of confidence in her ability to remain sober. If you need more time to think about your wedding party, wait until your six months away before you ask anyone. 
                       
    Report Reply
  • Options
    kmmssgkmmssg mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    PLEASE don't do that!

    You need to take your wedding out of the whole equation and be a supportive friend as she works on her sobriety.  I come from a long line of alcoholics and addicts.  One thing I learned in counseling sessions with them, as well as AlAnon is that everyone will experience a relapse.  The important thing is that they are honest about it, pick themselves back up and get back to whatever program they are working.  You need to know she will have a relapse sometime and you need to be supportive (but not enabling).

    It is WAY too early to be asking your bridal party anyway.  Wait a few more months and then ask her.  How would you feel if someone gave you parameters like that for being in their wedding? 
    Report Reply
  • Options
    jmwilkinjmwilkin member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited July 2013
    Great advice, thank you! I think I will wait to ask her, and go with the consensus... not to bring up the drinking. I really appreciate everyone's input! Thanks again 
    Report Reply
  • Options
    kmmssgkmmssg mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Good for you to being open to suggestions.  Happy planning.
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards