Multiple Weddings

tinambride · July 2013

I know people here have strong opinions about "pretty princess days." I'm just curious how you feel about having multiple weddings, like in the case of two cultures. I know a lot of people who have a wedding in the States and then a wedding in India as well. Does this fall into the ppd category? What about having two weddings in different countries so people in different geographies or cultures can have their needs meant. Is it really a ppd if you are having two different religious ceremonies. It seems to me that each event serves its own purpose.

I'm not doing this, I'm just curious because it's a fairly common thing that seems to make sense.

stantokm · July 2013

StageManager referenced this in a post yesterday, but if you're having two religious ceremonies because both the bride and groom practice different religions, I think this is okay. But it probably has to be two religions that require you to get married through them. My husband is Mennonite and I'm Catholic--we didn't have to have a Mennonite service for our marriage to "count."

itzMS · July 2013

tinambride said:

I know people here have strong opinions about "pretty princess days." I'm just curious how you feel about having multiple weddings, like in the case of two cultures. I know a lot of people who have a wedding in the States and then a wedding in India as well. Does this fall into the ppd category? What about having two weddings in different countries so people in different geographies or cultures can have their needs meant. Is it really a ppd if you are having two different religious ceremonies. It seems to me that each event serves its own purpose.

I'm not doing this, I'm just curious because it's a fairly common thing that seems to make sense.

If the cultures are both entirely different (One Hindu, one Jewish), I don't necessarily mind it.

If the couple shares beliefs (both Hindu) but just happens to live in the States with family in India (or whatever other country) then I think it's too much.

Does that make sense?

harper0813 · July 2013

In cases like this, I find the people who have "needs" for someone else's ceremony ridiculous. The bride and groom absolutely do not need to appease people like that, especially if those people aren't contributing to the wedding. It's up to the bride and groom to decide in what manner they'd like to marry. Choose one or combine cultures, but don't have a PPD just because grandma is convinced you're going to hell and you want to shut grandma up.

southernbelle0915 · July 2013

Personally, I would not do this. If my fiance and I came from different cultures, I would want to combine elements from both cultures (as we are combining our lives) into one wedding ceremony where we become husband and wife. Usually two separate cultural ceremonies are done to please the separate sides of the family. The whole point of a wedding ceremony is to unite two people - separate cultures or not - into one union. I see no reason that a Christian bride can't wear her traditional white dress and have her father walk her down the aisle while her Hindu groom is wearing his sherwani and the ceremony contains rituals from both cultures/religions.

You can't become husband and wife twice unless you get a divorce, thus at one of these ceremonies you are already husband and wife.

AddieCake · July 2013

This doesn't really bother me.

daria24 · July 2013

If a couple gets married here and then has a giant wedding in India? Whatever, it's not like I'm in India to care about it.

A couple has a Christian ceremony, followed by a Hindu ceremony the same day? It might not be my personal choice, but I can live with it.

A couple has multiple ceremonies and events in multiple locations just because they want to please their families, and it's not actually what THEY want. Ugh, learn to stand up for yourself. You're an adult.

itzMS · July 2013

southernbelle0915 said:

Personally, I would not do this. If my fiance and I came from different cultures, I would want to combine elements from both cultures (as we are combining our lives) into one wedding ceremony where we become husband and wife. Usually two separate cultural ceremonies are done to please the separate sides of the family. The whole point of a wedding ceremony is to unite two people - separate cultures or not - into one union. I see no reason that a Christian bride can't wear her traditional white dress and have her father walk her down the aisle while her Hindu groom is wearing his sherwani and the ceremony contains rituals from both cultures/religions.

You can't become husband and wife twice unless you get a divorce, thus at one of these ceremonies you are already husband and wife.

I agree with you for the most part...except the kicker is that many religious ceremonies are what they are. There is no such thing as "combining cultures" or customizing the ceremony per se.

It's one thing if you have a ceremony with a "non-denominational" minister or judge, but if you have a Priest or Rabbi or Minister of a specific Faith, he or she (or Church/Synagouge rules) may not allow for customization.

That's why I'm okay with two separate religious ceremonies, so long as the couple doesn't pretend they aren't married during the one that comes second.

southernbelle0915 · July 2013

itzMS said:

show previous quotes

southernbelle0915 said:

Personally, I would not do this. If my fiance and I came from different cultures, I would want to combine elements from both cultures (as we are combining our lives) into one wedding ceremony where we become husband and wife. Usually two separate cultural ceremonies are done to please the separate sides of the family. The whole point of a wedding ceremony is to unite two people - separate cultures or not - into one union. I see no reason that a Christian bride can't wear her traditional white dress and have her father walk her down the aisle while her Hindu groom is wearing his sherwani and the ceremony contains rituals from both cultures/religions.

You can't become husband and wife twice unless you get a divorce, thus at one of these ceremonies you are already husband and wife.

I agree with you for the most part...except the kicker is that many religious ceremonies are what they are. There is no such thing as "combining cultures" or customizing the ceremony per se.

It's one thing if you have a ceremony with a "non-denominational" minister or judge, but if you have a Priest or Rabbi or Minister of a specific Faith, he or she (or Church/Synagouge rules) may not allow for customization.

That's why I'm okay with two separate religious ceremonies, so long as the couple doesn't pretend they aren't married during the one that comes second.

Yes - I should have been more clear. If I were do be in this situation and have the ONE ceremony, I would use a non-denominational officiant who would be willing to incorporate rituals/readings/music/etc. from both sides.

manateehugger · July 2013

So, I am Indian, and FI is a very white Midwestern boy. We're getting married next June in the US, but are feeling pressure from my family to also have a Hindu ceremony in India next December.

I can never decide how I feel on this scenario. In my experience (with the US-India thing anyway), people usually have to two ceremonies not necessarily because of a desire to acknowledge two religious traditions, but rather to just please two families. That scenario does bother me - because I don't view it much differently than the standard PPD. The couple needs to be adults there. I am a bit more understanding if each half of the couple actually practices two different religions and wants to acknowledge them both. I understand that combining religions in a ceremony is not easily done.

SB1512 · July 2013

daria24 said:

If a couple gets married here and then has a giant wedding in India? Whatever, it's not like I'm in India to care about it.

A couple has a Christian ceremony, followed by a Hindu ceremony the same day? It might not be my personal choice, but I can live with it.

A couple has multiple ceremonies and events in multiple locations just because they want to please their families, and it's not actually what THEY want. Ugh, learn to stand up for yourself. You're an adult.

I have gone to a wedding like this, but everyone was invited to everything. There was a catholic ceremony in the morning, then lunch was served to everyone and there was dancing, and then a hindu ceremony was done later, and then dinner and an evening reception was hosted. It made for a very long day, but everyone was invited to everything and properly hosted.

Edit: To add, this was done because the bride was a practicing Hindu and her husband a practicing Catholic. It was important to them to have both religions represented.

AlexisA01 · July 2013

It doesn't bother me especially how some religious dont allow to mix or something complicated. My FI is Japanese and we are going to have a traditional Japanese ceremony in Tokyo after the US one.

wrigleyville · July 2013

Totally understandable when it's two different countries and cultures.

My friend married someone from Algeria a few months ago. They had a Christian ceremony here and then went to Algeria last week for the Algerian ceremony. I'm not sure which religion they practice, but it was an absolutely breathtaking wedding. She changed into approximately eleven different jeweled outfits, per custom, and they had a loveseat-style throne to sit on to receive guests. The dancing, food, and drinking went on until 4:30 AM. It was unbelievable.

NYCBruin · July 2013

Liatris2010 said:

It's not so much that I judge is, as that I don't get it. The purpose of a wedding is to make you married. Does the Indian person in the couple feel un-married until they do the traditional Indian things? If so, then why did they agree to do a wedding ceremony that wouldn't count for them? Same for the other half of the couple. I don't see why two ceremonies are necessary, unless you are doing it to appease families, in which case, I think families need to buck up and get on board with whatever ceremony the people getting married agree upon, since they are the ones who are getting married.

You want two parties, because it is easier to fly 2 of 4 people to India than it is to fly 100 people from India? Go for it! Have an awesome party with the relatives abroad! Doesn't bother me at all.

This x 1000. This is how I feel about any double ceremony/reception/wedding. I just don't get it. At all.

And yes, have two parties! Parties are awesome. I just don't get the "need" for two ceremonies/first dances/wearing of the wedding dress. You can have a party without getting married. You don't have to have a "wedding" ceremony to have a party to celebrate your marriage.

PS-I liked your post.

Pepper6 · July 2013

I had a friend that did this and I didn't mind it at all. They did incorporate bits of each other's traditions in both ceremonies though, so his family could appreciate her culture, and so her family could appreciate his. They were also up front with both their families in both countries that their wedding in the states was their "wedding" and the ceremony in India was a "blessing".

tinambride · July 2013

Thanks for the responses guys. I tend to agree with GlassButton. I think it's a fun cultural exchange and have always enjoyed attending all of the events that go along with people's weddings, even if they are spread out over some time.

ttandmt · July 2013

My FI and are are having two ceremonies one American ceremony with about 10 people in attendance in December 2013, and one Hindu ceremony with about 100 guests in July 2014.

Though I am caucasian and he is indian I chose to have an indian wedding because to me the hindu ceremony is so beautiful and meaningful not that a traditional american ceremony is not but the Hindu ceremony is so involved with each step around a fire meaning something different and the tying of the brides and grooms garments together to signify the eternal bond between the husband and wife.

The reason we are having two weddings is because we will be legally married in December for insurance purposes, taxes ect, but I wanted to make it more than just signing papers, I wanted to make it special so I bought a $300 dress and he is wearing a suit he already owns and it will be a great way we can exchange vows (because there is not a way to exchange vows in a traditional Hindu ceremony). I also think it is a great way to honor both traditions.

ttandmt · July 2013

I don't think I would have "got it" either, but now that I am marrying someone that is from a completely different culture than my own, I totally get it.

LiLe422 · July 2013

ttandmt said:

My FI and are are having two ceremonies one American ceremony with about 10 people in attendance in December 2013, and one Hindu ceremony with about 100 guests in July 2014.

Though I am caucasian and he is indian I chose to have an indian wedding because to me the hindu ceremony is so beautiful and meaningful not that a traditional american ceremony is not but the Hindu ceremony is so involved with each step around a fire meaning something different and the tying of the brides and grooms garments together to signify the eternal bond between the husband and wife.

The reason we are having two weddings is because we will be legally married in December for insurance purposes, taxes ect, but I wanted to make it more than just signing papers, I wanted to make it special so I bought a $300 dress and he is wearing a suit he already owns and it will be a great way we can exchange vows (because there is not a way to exchange vows in a traditional Hindu ceremony). I also think it is a great way to honor both traditions.

Feel free to take a big 'ol shit on the sanctity of marriage while you're at it.

manateehugger · July 2013

Yeah, in your case, your reasoning (Hindu ceremonies are pretty and I need insurance!) - I consider that a PPD.

manateehugger · July 2013

LiLe422 said:

show previous quotes

ttandmt said:

My FI and are are having two ceremonies one American ceremony with about 10 people in attendance in December 2013, and one Hindu ceremony with about 100 guests in July 2014.

Though I am caucasian and he is indian I chose to have an indian wedding because to me the hindu ceremony is so beautiful and meaningful not that a traditional american ceremony is not but the Hindu ceremony is so involved with each step around a fire meaning something different and the tying of the brides and grooms garments together to signify the eternal bond between the husband and wife.

The reason we are having two weddings is because we will be legally married in December for insurance purposes, taxes ect, but I wanted to make it more than just signing papers, I wanted to make it special so I bought a $300 dress and he is wearing a suit he already owns and it will be a great way we can exchange vows (because there is not a way to exchange vows in a traditional Hindu ceremony). I also think it is a great way to honor both traditions.
Feel free to take a big 'ol shit on the sanctity of marriage while you're at it.

The sanctity of marriage in two cultures too! Kewl.

LiLe422 · July 2013

PDKH said:

show previous quotes

LiLe422 said:

ttandmt said:

My FI and are are having two ceremonies one American ceremony with about 10 people in attendance in December 2013, and one Hindu ceremony with about 100 guests in July 2014.

Though I am caucasian and he is indian I chose to have an indian wedding because to me the hindu ceremony is so beautiful and meaningful not that a traditional american ceremony is not but the Hindu ceremony is so involved with each step around a fire meaning something different and the tying of the brides and grooms garments together to signify the eternal bond between the husband and wife.

The reason we are having two weddings is because we will be legally married in December for insurance purposes, taxes ect, but I wanted to make it more than just signing papers, I wanted to make it special so I bought a $300 dress and he is wearing a suit he already owns and it will be a great way we can exchange vows (because there is not a way to exchange vows in a traditional Hindu ceremony). I also think it is a great way to honor both traditions.
Feel free to take a big 'ol shit on the sanctity of marriage while you're at it.
The sanctity of marriage in two cultures too! Kewl.

Now THAT deserves a cookie!

NYCBruin · July 2013

PDKH said:

show previous quotes

LiLe422 said:

ttandmt said:

My FI and are are having two ceremonies one American ceremony with about 10 people in attendance in December 2013, and one Hindu ceremony with about 100 guests in July 2014.

Though I am caucasian and he is indian I chose to have an indian wedding because to me the hindu ceremony is so beautiful and meaningful not that a traditional american ceremony is not but the Hindu ceremony is so involved with each step around a fire meaning something different and the tying of the brides and grooms garments together to signify the eternal bond between the husband and wife.

The reason we are having two weddings is because we will be legally married in December for insurance purposes, taxes ect, but I wanted to make it more than just signing papers, I wanted to make it special so I bought a $300 dress and he is wearing a suit he already owns and it will be a great way we can exchange vows (because there is not a way to exchange vows in a traditional Hindu ceremony). I also think it is a great way to honor both traditions.
Feel free to take a big 'ol shit on the sanctity of marriage while you're at it.
The sanctity of marriage in two cultures too! Kewl.

But don't two negatives make a positive and two wrongs make a right?

Something tells me I'm remembering that phrase wrong.

PS-that love it is from me.

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