Future Sister in law problems

MichelleNicole101113 · July 2013

So long story but I need to to advice and help. When my fiance and I got engaged we knew we were paying for everything ourselves with some help from my mom so we decided to keep the wedding small at 65 people. Everyone was fine with this and were all showed the guest list and had no problems with it. About 1 year from the wedding his sister (he has 2) called me at work and started screaming that she is so mad we didn't ask her to be a bridesmaid and as Tim's sister she has the right to be involved. This went on almost all day until finally I caved and told her fine you can be a bridesmaid. I know I should have stood my ground even my FI was on my side but I am a people pleaser and always try and make others happy. Flash forward to 3 weeks ago, we mailed out the invitations and got a call from his grandmom asking if we can could we invite his 1 aunt, we said okay but just her no plus 1 or kids and again everyone was fine. When the aunt got her invite she sent us a FACEBOOK MESSAGE saying she was going and bringing 5 people with her. we said no way its just you and we understand if you dont want to go. Well now sh*t has hit the fan. His sister is so mad at us for being selfish and not inviting his aunt her husband and her 3 kids and all their spouses. She called u both at work to tell us that her and her date will no longer be attending our wedding as a bridesmaid or guest and her mom, grandmom, aunt and uncle will also be declining their invites. I am at a complete loss at what to do now. Any advise you can offer would really be appreciated!

southernbelle0915 · July 2013

If FI's aunt is married and you invited her, you need to invite her husband. Can you imagine being married and only your husband being invited to an event and not you? Let the aunt know you're sorry for the misunderstanding - her husband is invited.

You do not have to invite her children or their spouses. Definitely not. Etiquette wise you are in the right here.

This family sounds manipulative. If people are boycotting your wedding, that's extremely childish. I would call their bluff and move forward without any more concessions. They don't come? Oh well, that's their call and they'll have to live with it.

MichelleNicole101113 · July 2013

Let me explain the husband situation. The aunt was initially not invited due to the fact that her husband (when my fi lived with them) used to beat the crap out of him. He was a very abusive person and my FI did not want him there. When we told his grandmom we would invite his aunt she knew then that the husband would not go which they were fine with. Its just so childish to boycott your own brother's wedding based on something she said she didn't care about.

BangBangs39 · July 2013

Move on - First off - the FSIL sounds like a peach - you should have stood your ground. BP is up to the B&G and no one else. Guest list is up to the B&G and if they want to let their parents invite people, unless parents are helping to pay for the wedding, then they get extra input.

I'm assuming you budgeted for the # of people you had anticipated so I would stand your ground on your numbers and just let those who have chosen to not come know your sorry they won't be able to attend.

ETR - removed the SO comment as clearly he shouldn't be invited if he was abusive to your FI

MichelleNicole101113 · July 2013

BangBangs39 said:

Move on - First off - the FSIL sounds like a peach - you should have stood your ground. BP is up to the B&G and no one else. Guest list is up to the B&G and if they want to let their parents invite people, unless parents are helping to pay for the wedding, then they get extra input.
I'm assuming you budgeted for the # of people you had anticipated so I would stand your ground on your numbers and just let those who have chosen to not come know your sorry they won't be able to attend. At the very least invite the Aunt's husband as you would normally invite the SO, but let them know the kids are a definite no-go.

We had a budget of 65 people we could invite, we are now up to 76 and the only person offering to help pay is my mom. He told his sister if she really wants extra people invited should could chip in and pay for them as we can not afford it and she said that its not her wedding and shouldn't have to pay anything. I am just so stressed out and frustrated and need to hear some other opinions on the situation.

BangBangs39 · July 2013

MichelleNicole101113 said:
We had a budget of 65 people we could invite, we are now up to 76 and the only person offering to help pay is my mom. He told his sister if she really wants extra people invited should could chip in and pay for them as we can not afford it and she said that its not her wedding and shouldn't have to pay anything. I am just so stressed out and frustrated and need to hear some other opinions on the situation.

It isn't ever right to ask for money - but in this situation I say good for you and your FI - tell her to pay up or shut up, she's right it isn't her wedding so she has no right to dictate who gets invited and who is in the BP - just focus on the happy and move on. Good luck!!

MichelleNicole101113 · July 2013

Thank you all for your input! I also think they are bluffing here and just trying to get what they want. We will be standing our ground and hope they come and if not then oh well.