Bridal Shower

nicolemlajoie · July 2013

How does the bridal shower scenario work? I know traditionally it's hosted by the Mother of the Bride. Are their other options?

rkbo · July 2013

I was always under the assumption that it is hosted by whoever wants to host it. Nobody is obligated to host it at all. All of your BM's go in together to host, there are many "options" since anyone can host it. Heck, even I could host one for you, haha.

BangBangs39 · July 2013

Traditionally yes its the MOB and BM's but in todays standards it can be anyone aside from the bride.

nicolemlajoie · July 2013

LOL. The reason I ask is because my friend (who is recently married) told me it's either the MOB or the Bridesmaids responsibility, but wouldn't that be a big expense for the bridal party.....we are doing a destination wedding as well, so I feel that may be a lot of ask of them.

BarbLovesDave · July 2013

I actually don't like the idea of the shower being hosted the mother of the bride, nor by any close relative of the couple such as the groom's mother or a sister.

I believe a shower should be hosted by a friend, ideally bridesmaids, or perhaps an older adult friend of the brides.

The reasoning is that following the wedding (or birth of a baby), the bride (or new mom) may find herself in need of various supplies and be, perhaps, unable to afford them. Where does she go? Mom and her credit card to the rescue.

The whole idea of a shower in the first place is to "shower" the bride with these kinds of household items and anticipate those needs.

If Mom gives the shower, it's like she's asking others to supply these household needs so that, later, she won't have to do that. Mom has a financial stake, essentially, in people giving presents to her daughter.

A friend does not have such a financial stake, so her giving a shower is more altruistic.

Of course I know that today most brides have already been living on their own for a while and are totally independent from Mom. That's pretty much normal these days. Thus, one would imagine, since a bride is not moving out of the parents' home into an empty new house, she is really in no need of a shower. She already has kitchen gadgets, etc.

Bridal showers are fun, so many people like to plan, host, attend and give presents at the shower. Sure, why not. I just think that if we are willing to go along with the fiction that the new bride actually needs shower presents (and doesn't already have an apartment full of stuff), then we might as well continue the fiction that Mom should not ask folks to fund her future support of the new couple.

Just my take on it. I know lots of Moms host showers for their daughters. I've been to many such showers, and never say a word about the minor breach of etiquette.

itzMS · July 2013

nicolemlajoie said:

LOL. The reason I ask is because my friend (who is recently married) told me it's either the MOB or the Bridesmaids responsibility, but wouldn't that be a big expense for the bridal party.....we are doing a destination wedding as well, so I feel that may be a lot of ask of them.

Yes, someone must offer to host. Bridesmaids or the MOB are not obligated by any means to host.

Also, with a destination wedding (thus typically a smaller guest list) it's important to realize that you can't invite someone to your shower and not to the wedding.