Help! Bridesmaid overkill 911

Re: Help! Bridesmaid overkill 911

• OliveOilsMom member

  

  July 2013

  
  

  Bast21 said:

  I have only technically handpicked 5 bridesmaids. In order to make everyone happy [including me] I will have EIGHT I think this is too many, but there doesn't seem to be a way around it. I wanted 3-5, I figured I'd have all friends. 

  Heres what happened; My mom assumed my little sister would be my MOH which was fine, because I had a falling out with my first choice. Then, it was assumed i would have my cousin as a BM as she was the reason i met my fiance. My friend from high school was always a given, then my 4 friends in the city. Then my fiance wanted his sister in the party. My first reaction was  "why?" . I'm not close to her, we have nothing in common [as far as i know] and we haven't exchanged casual conversation since MySpace was popular. My mom had the same reaction. I finally convinced him to let me have the people I want, which is now laughable. 

  
  

  While I know having my cousin would be a fine gesture of gratitude, she is...uppity is the nicest way to put it. And i'm not sure she'd fit in well with my friends. I am aware that inviting his sister into the party would be a nice way of reaching out to her as a "new sister".  I have no way of knowing what my cousin expects without revealing my intentions. My mom, who initially sided with me on not including my future SIL, recently called me and informed me that she "has made a grave mistake" and its socially expected to have her in the party. So, now thats back on the plate. There doesn't seem to be a way around this aside from giving a nice, personal gift. 

  I plan on having an outdoor wedding, and the girls will be given a length and color swatch as there are many body types involved. So space and dress pondering shouldn't be an issue. I'm just boggled by what to do. Sometimes I can't remember every girl thats on the list. I'm sure i miscounted while typing this. Any help will be welcomed with open internet arms.

  First, you should have who you want in your WP. If your FI wants FSIL in the WP, she can stand on his side.  There is no "grave mistake" made when you do not ask FSILs to be in your wedding.  We always tell Brides to have their nearest and dearest in their WP, so who is that?  Those are the ladies you ask.  And your sister doesn't HAVE to be MOH, if you want her to be just a BM, that's perfectly fine.
  
  Stop discussing the WP with your mom, it's none of her business.  It's one of the few aspects of your wedding where someone else's opinion doesn't need to be considered.  Also, don't ask any of your girls until about 9 months before the wedding.  Relationships change all the time, even if you don't think they will, they can.

  

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• mariakhristine member

  

  July 2013

  I'm not sure what your question is. Are you trying to reduce the size of your wedding party? 

  
  

  I will say that weddings do bring out the worst in people, and it is so hard trying to make everyone happy and not insulting anyone. I think that if your fiance wants his sister to stand up, it would be nice of you to have her on your side. (I'm assuming they are close to each other?) My fiance is having one of my brothers (the one I'm closest to) stand up on his side, even though they aren't close to each other, and it means a lot to me. Maybe think about it that way? 

  
  

  Our party has 9 people on each side, because of similar things happening, so I think you and I have similar family dynamics! 

  
  

  Are you stressed out about everyone interacting? The cost of a large party? Or something else? Even if all your BMs don't get along perfectly, I can't imagine there would be any problems. Plus, they only need to hang out a few times (if everyone attends bachelorette parties, etc).

  
  

  What is your relationship like with your cousin? Could you maybe ask her to be an "emcee" or something like that at the reception? Because she was the one who brought you two together, she might be a great person to do things like introductions. 

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• AddieCake member

  

  July 2013

  You should never have to think, or hem and haw, about who to have in your wedding party. It should be a no brainer b/c they should be your nearest and dearest. If your fiance wants his sister, she can stand on his side. Nobody but YOU gets to pick your side.

  What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14

  

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• artbyallie mod

  

  July 2013

  Have you asked anyone yet? Anyone whom you have already explicitly told that they are in the WP must stay in it. You cannot kick anyone out. But you are not obligated to ask anyone for any reason.

  

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• HTR10 member

  

  July 2013

  I can relate to your situation. My sisters are my Maid and Matron of Honors. I also have 7 really close friends. Additionally my FI wants his sister in my wedding party...I initially fought it (and my mom agreed)  but honestly it isn't worth it.  My mom eventually changed her mind but is the least pushy person in the world but she did say she understands why they want her in the wedding. Seriously. It is OUR wedding, and it is really important to his family, and to him. So she is in our wedding.  My situation is a bit unique as his sister has Asperger's and will likely not be in another wedding, and honestly I'm okay with that. I want her to feel included and both my FI (and ESPECIALLY his mother) want her in it. I know I may get slammed for saying this but if you ever want to chat feel free to PM me, I can totally relate. 

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• HTR10 member

  

  July 2013

  I suggested that...they both want her on my side. I'm not sure if I suggest she be on his side if they think I'm being biased or what. Either way, it is what it is. She can be on my side, I want her to feel involved and important. 

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