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Destination Wedding +1

elizabethelevenelizabetheleven member
100 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
in Luxury Weddings
We are having a destination wedding with only immediatefamily (grandparents, patents, siblings). My two step sisters are dating and I'm confused as to whether or not invite their SOs.

We are paying everyone's way. Including airfare, resort, car rental, food, etc. So each invite costs at least $5,000per person.

Would it be rude to not invite their BFs?
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Re: Destination Wedding +1

  • KatWAGKatWAG member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    If they have boyfriends, they need to be invited. Check with them closer to the time you are sending out invites to see their relationship status.

    If they are casually dating different people, then no they dont need to be invited.

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  • AJuliaNJAJuliaNJ member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments 250 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited July 2013
    I'm not sure what the proper etiquette would be. If you had a more local wedding, you'd pay for the meals and drinks for every guest at the wedding itself, but not travel-related expenses like hotel accommodations or other meals eaten that day or the night before. You might opt to pay for these incidentals for some people, but usually not every single person. The parallel in this situation would be to pay for these SO's to attend the wedding, but not for travel costs and incidentals. They would just have to pay their airfare and for other meals because I would assume they'd share the rental car and hotel room with your stepsisters. This might be rude if you were paying for 30 people to go but not these 2 or everyone's SO but theirs, but you have a specific circle you are paying the full way for (immediate family only). 

    I'd invite them but have them pay their way. Or if you can swing it, pay for them to come since it wouldn't be a full $5000 each since they would share a room and car with your stepsisters.
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  • southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    Moderator 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary
    edited July 2013
    I would invite them, but not offer to pay their way. It's one thing to offer to pay for your family members, but quite different to offer to pay for your step-sister's boyfriends. 

    Since you're not obligated to pay for people's travel (it's more than generous that you are), it's fine to invite them but not pay for their airfare. I'm sure you're properly hosting everyone once they get to the reception. Getting to the destination is the responsibility of the guest.
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  • elizabethelevenelizabetheleven member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Would it be rude to call up my sisters and say " hey, you can invite -insert boyfriend's name- but we can't pay for his way down"? Everyone already knows we are paying so I just don't want to seem uncaring you know?

    We were at first planning on them staying in a 3 bedroom home on the water with my mom and stepfather (It's separated). But if we include their BFs then we would get maybe one or two more for them adding $1000 per night. Also, the reception is just dinner at a 5star restaurant where the can just order off the menu. Each plate will cost at least $250 including all drinks, appetizers, and dessert.

    They would share a car rental so no added cost there.
    We don't want to be rude and we want my sisters to be comfortable. I don't mind paying for them and not the airfare or resort (I think that's a great substitute!). I'm just not quite sure on how to say that to them without sounding cheap.

    Thanks so much for the advice!
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  • southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    Moderator 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary
    elizabetheleven said:
    Would it be rude to call up my sisters and say " hey, you can invite -insert boyfriend's name- but we can't pay for his way down"? Everyone already knows we are paying so I just don't want to seem uncaring you know? We were at first planning on them staying in a 3 bedroom home on the water with my mom and stepfather (It's separated). But if we include their BFs then we would get maybe one or two more for them adding $1000 per night. Also, the reception is just dinner at a 5star restaurant where the can just order off the menu. Each plate will cost at least $250 including all drinks, appetizers, and dessert. They would share a car rental so no added cost there. We don't want to be rude and we want my sisters to be comfortable. I don't mind paying for them and not the airfare or resort (I think that's a great substitute!). I'm just not quite sure on how to say that to them without sounding cheap. Thanks so much for the advice!
    No. That would not be rude. You can just let them know you budgeted for treating your family, but no one else. Honestly, your arrangements sound awesome and I think your step-sisters would be really entitled to think you'd pay for their boyfriends. I doubt they'll think twice about it. And who knows? Maybe they won't even want to bring the boys. 
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  • elizabethelevenelizabetheleven member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Thank you so much... It alleviates a lot of back and forth in my head :)
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