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Wedding Party

Not so maid of honor.....

So my "best friend" is no longer my best friend, we haven't had a conversation in a month because for the umptenth time she has belittled me and in the worst way. Our friendship has been going downhill since I got pregnant late last year and she started trying to break me and my now fiance' up. I'm just at witts end and don't know what to do. She's lied to my own family about me, she's practically called me a wh*** for having a child out of wedlock, she even told me when I got pregnant that "it was probably an ectopic pregnancy and I shouldn't buy anything" Who does that? Despite all of that drama I was there for her when she found out she was pregnant and was happy for her, I was there for her when she miscarried and never said a cross word to her. Then when speaking of her wedding last month we were discussing her bridesmaids dresses, which I couldn't fit mine bc I bought it six months before the wedding and ended up four months preggers at the wedding, she then told me if I hadn't made the MISTAKE of getting pregnant that I could have fit my dress and wouldn't have had to buy another one. Number one I don't regret getting pregnant or having my baby girl. I love her more than my own life and would never call her or want her referred to as a mistake!! Number two she still refers to me as her "best friend" even after saying these things to me and she wasn't there for me during my pregnancy and has yet to even see my child since she was born and my baby is four months old.

The problem I now have is this, though we havent spoken in a month and I don't intend to tell her about the wedding, theres facebook and I do live in a very small town so she's going to find out. She's going to expect to be invited and be "matren of honor" Problem is I don't want her there and I sure don't want her to be the Matren of Honor. That title is reserved for someone that actually treats me like a friend instead of a stepping stone and that can be there for me without showing out like she does. She's a bit of a drama queen. So what am I to do to avoid drama and avoid any conflict? Approach her or what?

Re: Not so maid of honor.....

  • So my "best friend" is no longer my best friend, we haven't had a conversation in a month because for the umptenth time she has belittled me and in the worst way. Our friendship has been going downhill since I got pregnant late last year and she started trying to break me and my now fiance' up. I'm just at witts end and don't know what to do. She's lied to my own family about me, she's practically called me a wh*** for having a child out of wedlock, she even told me when I got pregnant that "it was probably an ectopic pregnancy and I shouldn't buy anything" Who does that? Despite all of that drama I was there for her when she found out she was pregnant and was happy for her, I was there for her when she miscarried and never said a cross word to her. Then when speaking of her wedding last month we were discussing her bridesmaids dresses, which I couldn't fit mine bc I bought it six months before the wedding and ended up four months preggers at the wedding, she then told me if I hadn't made the MISTAKE of getting pregnant that I could have fit my dress and wouldn't have had to buy another one. Number one I don't regret getting pregnant or having my baby girl. I love her more than my own life and would never call her or want her referred to as a mistake!! Number two she still refers to me as her "best friend" even after saying these things to me and she wasn't there for me during my pregnancy and has yet to even see my child since she was born and my baby is four months old.

    The problem I now have is this, though we havent spoken in a month and I don't intend to tell her about the wedding, theres facebook and I do live in a very small town so she's going to find out. She's going to expect to be invited and be "matren of honor" Problem is I don't want her there and I sure don't want her to be the Matren of Honor. That title is reserved for someone that actually treats me like a friend instead of a stepping stone and that can be there for me without showing out like she does. She's a bit of a drama queen. So what am I to do to avoid drama and avoid any conflict? Approach her or what?

    I'm sorry this person is so awful to you. I think you're right to cut her out of your life.

    Just don't contact her, don't mention your wedding to anyone who will leak it to her, and don't ask her to be in the wedding. If she's not invited and doesn't know anything about the wedding, she can't be in it. Do not post about your wedding on Facebook at all - that's just a bad idea no matter the context. Problem solved. Any conversation you try to have with her about this will just end up in massive drama.

    And I don't mean to be snarky, but it is "Matron of Honor" not matren.

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  • So my "best friend" is no longer my best friend, we haven't had a conversation in a month because for the umptenth time she has belittled me and in the worst way. Our friendship has been going downhill since I got pregnant late last year and she started trying to break me and my now fiance' up. I'm just at witts end and don't know what to do. She's lied to my own family about me, she's practically called me a wh*** for having a child out of wedlock, she even told me when I got pregnant that "it was probably an ectopic pregnancy and I shouldn't buy anything" Who does that? Despite all of that drama I was there for her when she found out she was pregnant and was happy for her, I was there for her when she miscarried and never said a cross word to her. Then when speaking of her wedding last month we were discussing her bridesmaids dresses, which I couldn't fit mine bc I bought it six months before the wedding and ended up four months preggers at the wedding, she then told me if I hadn't made the MISTAKE of getting pregnant that I could have fit my dress and wouldn't have had to buy another one. Number one I don't regret getting pregnant or having my baby girl. I love her more than my own life and would never call her or want her referred to as a mistake!! Number two she still refers to me as her "best friend" even after saying these things to me and she wasn't there for me during my pregnancy and has yet to even see my child since she was born and my baby is four months old.

    The problem I now have is this, though we havent spoken in a month and I don't intend to tell her about the wedding, theres facebook and I do live in a very small town so she's going to find out. She's going to expect to be invited and be "matren of honor" Problem is I don't want her there and I sure don't want her to be the Matren of Honor. That title is reserved for someone that actually treats me like a friend instead of a stepping stone and that can be there for me without showing out like she does. She's a bit of a drama queen. So what am I to do to avoid drama and avoid any conflict? Approach her or what?

    First of all, welcome to the Knot! Looks like this is your first post.

    She sounds like a crappy friend. If you don't want her at your wedding, in your wedding, or apart of your wedding then don't include her. It sounds like if you haven't talked in a month, you probably can get away without talking to each other again regardless of being in a small town. Maybe she doesn't want to be your friend either. I honestly would just leave it alone. Even if you already asked her to be in your wedding party, if you don't contact her and she doesn't contact you it sounds like your friendship is kind of over.

  • So my "best friend" is no longer my best friend, we haven't had a conversation in a month because for the umptenth time she has belittled me and in the worst way. Our friendship has been going downhill since I got pregnant late last year and she started trying to break me and my now fiance' up. I'm just at witts end and don't know what to do. She's lied to my own family about me, she's practically called me a wh*** for having a child out of wedlock, she even told me when I got pregnant that "it was probably an ectopic pregnancy and I shouldn't buy anything" Who does that? Despite all of that drama I was there for her when she found out she was pregnant and was happy for her, I was there for her when she miscarried and never said a cross word to her. Then when speaking of her wedding last month we were discussing her bridesmaids dresses, which I couldn't fit mine bc I bought it six months before the wedding and ended up four months preggers at the wedding, she then told me if I hadn't made the MISTAKE of getting pregnant that I could have fit my dress and wouldn't have had to buy another one. Number one I don't regret getting pregnant or having my baby girl. I love her more than my own life and would never call her or want her referred to as a mistake!! Number two she still refers to me as her "best friend" even after saying these things to me and she wasn't there for me during my pregnancy and has yet to even see my child since she was born and my baby is four months old.

    The problem I now have is this, though we havent spoken in a month and I don't intend to tell her about the wedding, theres facebook and I do live in a very small town so she's going to find out. She's going to expect to be invited and be "matren of honor" Problem is I don't want her there and I sure don't want her to be the Matren of Honor. That title is reserved for someone that actually treats me like a friend instead of a stepping stone and that can be there for me without showing out like she does. She's a bit of a drama queen. So what am I to do to avoid drama and avoid any conflict? Approach her or what?

    It sounds like you are not even friends with this woman, so why are you still FB friends with her? And if you don't want to be her friend and don't want her invited to the wedding, then just don't invite her. If you want, you could get together with her to let her know your friendship is over, but it seems like that is pretty obvious. If she is not even speaking to you , I don't know why she would think she would be your Matron of Honor or part of the wedding at all. 


    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • itzMSitzMS member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary

    So my "best friend" is no longer my best friend, we haven't had a conversation in a month because for the umptenth time she has belittled me and in the worst way. Our friendship has been going downhill since I got pregnant late last year and she started trying to break me and my now fiance' up. I'm just at witts end and don't know what to do. She's lied to my own family about me, she's practically called me a wh*** for having a child out of wedlock, she even told me when I got pregnant that "it was probably an ectopic pregnancy and I shouldn't buy anything" Who does that? Despite all of that drama I was there for her when she found out she was pregnant and was happy for her, I was there for her when she miscarried and never said a cross word to her. Then when speaking of her wedding last month we were discussing her bridesmaids dresses, which I couldn't fit mine bc I bought it six months before the wedding and ended up four months preggers at the wedding, she then told me if I hadn't made the MISTAKE of getting pregnant that I could have fit my dress and wouldn't have had to buy another one. Number one I don't regret getting pregnant or having my baby girl. I love her more than my own life and would never call her or want her referred to as a mistake!! Number two she still refers to me as her "best friend" even after saying these things to me and she wasn't there for me during my pregnancy and has yet to even see my child since she was born and my baby is four months old.

    The problem I now have is this, though we havent spoken in a month and I don't intend to tell her about the wedding, theres facebook and I do live in a very small town so she's going to find out. She's going to expect to be invited and be "matren of honor" Problem is I don't want her there and I sure don't want her to be the Matren of Honor. That title is reserved for someone that actually treats me like a friend instead of a stepping stone and that can be there for me without showing out like she does. She's a bit of a drama queen. So what am I to do to avoid drama and avoid any conflict? Approach her or what?


    First of all, Matron...not Matren.

    You aren't friends any longer, and you don't speak. So...keep planning your wedding and move on.

  • Also, please don't post everything about your wedding on facebook. I'm not saying you have/are obviously, but it's just tacky and is the perfect and easiest way to cause drama. 
  • edited July 2013
    First of all, don't post any details about your wedding on Facebook. That's just asking for trouble. 

    It's time to cut your 'friend' out of your life. Unfriend her on Facebook. Don't contact her. Don't send a her a wedding invitation. If she tracks you down, tell her that you don't consider her to be your friend because of the way she treated you. 

                       
  • She's abusive and you shouldn't have to deal with that. Unfriend her, block her number and don't look back. It is really hard to do, but if you were best friends with her, this is going to be a break up. I had a friend like that, and after one explosive argument, I told her it was over and we are never talking again. I haven't spoken to her since, but it was very hard to do since we were best friends since we were little.
    Daisypath Wedding tickers
  • yes definitely remove her from FB and don't invite her to the wedding she has proven to not be a true friend anyway so just let it go. Happy Planning!
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Sorry about the mispelling! lol This was one of those days where I had so much on my mind I wasn't paying attention.

    The joys of planning right? :)

    Def. deleting her from facebook, and def. not putting plans on there. I was just thinking of wedding pics after the wedding and such would be posted and knew that would start drama.

    But yea she's constantly done stuff like this for years and it didn't bother me when she was just talking about me, but when it comes to my baby and husband to be I just can't let it continue.

    Thanks for the advise!!

  • In this situation, she can't start really drama if you don't participate in it. Ignore her. Just let her think whatever and move on with your life. 
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  • I had a friend who behaved like this after she got engaged and I wasn't yet.  I cut her off and didn't talk to her for about a year.  

    She calmed down, recognized she had gone BSC, and we are friends again now several years later.
    image

    Previously Alaynajuliana


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