Asking Friends to Work Your Wedding

Kathom86 · July 2013

I have a couple of friends that I would like to work my wedding but I'm not sure if it is rude to ask. One friend is a DJ and other bakes cakes as a hobby. They're both really good at what they do but I don't want to discount them as a guest. Furthermore, I'm hoping that having friends do this will save us a little money. How do I talk about prices with them?

libby2483 · July 2013

I would be prepared to pay their full price unless they offer you a discount from their normal rates. If the cake baker only does cakes as a hobby, and doesn't actually run a business, you need to check with your venue to make sure this will be okay. Many venues will not allow a cake not baked by a licensed baker.

manateehugger · July 2013

Kathom86 said:

I have a couple of friends that I would like to work my wedding but I'm not sure if it is rude to ask. One friend is a DJ and other bakes cakes as a hobby. They're both really good at what they do but I don't want to discount them as a guest. Furthermore, I'm hoping that having friends do this will save us a little money. How do I talk about prices with them?

I think it's rude if you ask on the assumption that they will cut you a deal. If you'd like to ask your DJ friend, I'd just ask him about his standard rates and contract. DO NOT ask what kind of discount he'd offer you; leave that to him/her to offer.

For the friend that's a non-professional, I wouldn't ask. If she offers, great, but I would never ask her to do it.

If you want anyone to "work" your wedding, you should pay them just like any other vendor.

ETA: actually yeah, Libby makes a very good point. If your friend is unlicensed, I would never use her.

Kathom86 · July 2013

I did not know that! That's really helpful information.

Peaseblossom55 · July 2013

I have a friend who is a DJ, I won't be asking him to DJ for our wedding. I would rather keep my friends and wedding vendors separate. What if something goes wrong or I'm unhappy with the services? I'd also hate for it to put a strain on the friendship.

southernbelle0915 · July 2013

I would not assume they will save you any money. If it's their livelihood (DJ), you should offer to pay the full price and tip as you would any other DJ. Save money in other areas that don't effect your friends' pocketbooks like decorations and other frills. If they offer their services, you should offer to pay their normal price (don't ask for a deal).

libby2483 · July 2013

Oh yeah, I forgot to add in my above post that I also have a friend who is a wedding DJ (he does it as a side job). However, I didn't ask him to DJ our wedding because A) I don't think it is a good idea to mix friends and business and

I wanted him to just enjoy himself and have fun at our wedding. I may have felt differently if he was a more casual friend or acquaintance, but as a good friend, I didn't want to ask him. Again, if you do decide to ask, be prepared to pay the full rate unless he generously offers a discount. And, be prepared for him to decline and say he would rather just attend as a guest.

QueerFemme · July 2013

I actually used some friends as vendors, but for the most part, they were "extended" friends. Like, I "Might" have invited them to the wedding otherwise, but it was iffy.

I expected to pay their full rate. My DJ gave me a "friends" discount. It was nice, but not necessary, so I made sure to tip very well.

Blue & White · July 2013

We have a DJ and a photographer coming to our wedding as guests. The photographer is married to our jeweler, who is also a friend from HS. We want them to enjoy the day and not be working so we hired others. However, they were very helpful in guiding us with what to ask our potential vendors.

We hired another friend to do our photography who would not be invited to the wedding otherwise and I'm really happy with that decision.

lyndsay782 · July 2013

I have some acquaintances that volunteered their "services" for the wedding, and found out that I'm not only not being given a discount, but in one case, she expects an invitation too.

While I love how she does my highlights, and will continue to pay her for that, I can't justify her prices for the up-do since it doesn't include make up or the trial. At least not for my budget. Especially when space is at such a premium for the reception. We were originally told the reception hall had room for 120 people, and it does, but they are only willing to give us 90 chairs. That throws a bit of a wrench into our plan... good thing it's not a sit down dinner...

misssunshine17 · July 2013

lyndsay782 said:

I have some acquaintances that volunteered their "services" for the wedding, and found out that I'm not only not being given a discount, but in one case, she expects an invitation too.

While I love how she does my highlights, and will continue to pay her for that, I can't justify her prices for the up-do since it doesn't include make up or the trial. At least not for my budget. Especially when space is at such a premium for the reception. We were originally told the reception hall had room for 120 people, and it does, but they are only willing to give us 90 chairs. That throws a bit of a wrench into our plan... good thing it's not a sit down dinner...

Sorry to threadjack, but are you planning on getting chairs for all of your guests? It is terribly rude not to have a seat for every butt in the room.

AJuliaNJ · July 2013

Kathom86 said:

I have a couple of friends that I would like to work my wedding but I'm not sure if it is rude to ask. One friend is a DJ and other bakes cakes as a hobby. They're both really good at what they do but I don't want to discount them as a guest. Furthermore, I'm hoping that having friends do this will save us a little money. How do I talk about prices with them?

I would ask the baker, but not the DJ.

The baker could make the cake and still be able to enjoy your whole wedding as a guest. I would not ask her for a discount. I'm sure she'd give you one or consider the cake your gift, but I would never ask, and if she didn't offer, it wouldn't change the fact that I want her to make my cake.

I would not ask the DJ because that means she would have to work at your wedding instead of being a guest. Even if she offered, I'd turn her down and say you really want her to be able to enjoy the wedding. Only if she really insisted or said, "well, I find weddings most enjoyable when I'm DJ'ing," would I consider it. Again, I would not ask for any kind of discount though.

If you are going to hire the friends, you will have to go into it with the attitude that you are going to be happy with the service they provide no matter what. If your cake is gross or ugly, you will tell her you love it and just accept it for what it is. If the DJ's music stinks, you will keep your mouth shut about it and dance as if it was great. If you can't do that, I wouldn't hire either one.

SomethingBeautiful08 · July 2013

I'm not sure about asking the DJ if this is something that you want at your wedding as a friend, as they can't both attend the wedding and DJ.

As for the baker, I would treat her like most any other vendor, call her up and ask to speak to her about if she is available and what her prices look like. I would have a good idea of the specs, i.e how many people you want the cake to feed, what types of flavors you like, any ideas of decoration and then let her give you the price or at least the range. While I would take a "friends" discount if it was offered, I wouldn't ask for one.

AddieCake · July 2013

misssunshine17 said:

lyndsay782 said:

I have some acquaintances that volunteered their "services" for the wedding, and found out that I'm not only not being given a discount, but in one case, she expects an invitation too.

While I love how she does my highlights, and will continue to pay her for that, I can't justify her prices for the up-do since it doesn't include make up or the trial. At least not for my budget. Especially when space is at such a premium for the reception. We were originally told the reception hall had room for 120 people, and it does, but they are only willing to give us 90 chairs. That throws a bit of a wrench into our plan... good thing it's not a sit down dinner...

Sorry to threadjack, but are you planning on getting chairs for all of your guests? It is terribly rude not to have a seat for every butt in the room.

Yeah, you definitely need to have a chair for everyone, whether it's a sit down dinner or not. And out of curiosity, aren't all dinners sit down? I don't believe I've ever had a meal standing up.

dakotapa92 · July 2013

AddieL73 said:

misssunshine17 said:

lyndsay782 said:

I have some acquaintances that volunteered their "services" for the wedding, and found out that I'm not only not being given a discount, but in one case, she expects an invitation too.

While I love how she does my highlights, and will continue to pay her for that, I can't justify her prices for the up-do since it doesn't include make up or the trial. At least not for my budget. Especially when space is at such a premium for the reception. We were originally told the reception hall had room for 120 people, and it does, but they are only willing to give us 90 chairs. That throws a bit of a wrench into our plan... good thing it's not a sit down dinner...
Sorry to threadjack, but are you planning on getting chairs for all of your guests? It is terribly rude not to have a seat for every butt in the room.
Yeah, you definitely need to have a chair for everyone, whether it's a sit down dinner or not. And out of curiosity, aren't all dinners sit down? I don't believe I've ever had a meal standing up.

I so agree with all of this. How about you spend your meal tonight in a cocktail dress with heels on your coat and your purse all while balancing a plate and a fork and knife and a drink.

Thats soo incredibly rude to force your guests to do you really really really need to reconsider this venue or rent more chairs.

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