Restaurant reception - how to handle drinks?

rvg22 · July 2013

We are having a small (~30 person) outdoor wedding, followed by dinner at a nice restaurant. The room where we will be seated is semi-private, meaning we have our own "wing" of the restaurant but it is not a separate room that is completely closed off to the rest of the restaurant. We're not doing dancing or cake-cutting, just a nice meal. We put together a menu from which people will choose their three courses from 3 - 4 options per course. For drinks, we are offering a red & white wine, 3 types of beer, and 2 cocktails (also any non-alcoholic options of course). These will be listed on the customized menus which will be at each place setting.

Obviously, the bar offers a much wider drink selection than this (and this restaurant in particular is known for its wine cellar and interesting cocktails). My questions are: do you think people will order other drinks, either at the table from a server or at the bar? How do we handle this, etiquette-wise? I feel like we are in a grey area; there is a cash bar 50 feet away but it is not OUR cash bar...? I want to be a good host but if my uncle orders a $500 bottle of wine I really can't afford to pay for it! Is it obvious enough what is hosted and what isn't? Thanks for your thoughts and advice!

Ajuliana · July 2013

To clarify, is the bar outside of the semi-private area? Will your wine be brought in to your area or do they have to go to the out of area bar to get what you're hosting?

Because if it's separate, you're fine because guests can "leave" to get other drinks and know they are on their own. If it's not separate, I'd just have the waiters take orders for what you offer at the table to keep it simple for your guests.

elizabetheleven · July 2013

This sounds almost exactly like what we are doing. We decided to just give a normal menu to our guests for dinner and offer a variety of apps. The venue suggested it'd be mucheasier for our guests than to outline only a handful of meal choices.

Concerning the drinks, our venue also suggested the guests just choose at their liking and we will pay for what was chosen at the end of the night. IMO guests wouldn't order a $500 bottle... At least not in my circle, as they know we are footing the bill.

If you are worried about guests ordering what you can't afford, maybe write on the menu which drinks are available? That way It's much simpler for your guests... And you. With only having a small number of people (we are having 20) you can also just use word of mouth. Good luck!

allispain · July 2013

We did something like this for our rehearsal dinner - everyone ordered off the reduced drinks list except for one or two people who wanted specific cocktails we hadn't listed - they went to the bar and bought them for themselves without making a fuss or even asking anyone about it (I didn't even know they had done this until the end of the night). I think your guests will be able to figure it out since you're having the reduced list on the menu.

ETA - typos

elizabetheleven · July 2013

missax said:

elizabetheleven said:

This sounds almost exactly like what we are doing. We decided to just give a normal menu to our guests for dinner and offer a variety of apps. The venue suggested it'd be mucheasier for our guests than to outline only a handful of meal choices.

Concerning the drinks, our venue also suggested the guests just choose at their liking and we will pay for what was chosen at the end of the night. IMO guests wouldn't order a $500 bottle... At least not in my circle, as they know we are footing the bill.

If you are worried about guests ordering what you can't afford, maybe write on the menu which drinks are available? That way It's much simpler for your guests... And you. With only having a small number of people (we are having 20) you can also just use word of mouth. Good luck!

She said in her OP that the drinks will be listed on the menu but she's worried people will disregard it and order whatever they want.

I would just make sure the waiters know not to take orders for the drinks that you haven't listed but I would hope your guests would know that they should only order what is listed.

Totally read past that... My bad

rvg22 · July 2013

@Ajuliana, yes, the bar is in a separate area, you need to go past some other tables and around a corner to get to it. No one will think it is "our" bar.

I know most of our guests will be happy with our selection and will find something on our limited menu that they like. Something I could foresee happening, however, is a well-to-do uncle asks about the red wine, decides he wants something fancier or different or a wine that will pair better with his entree, and decides to splurge a little because its a wedding! Super fancy wine for everyone! Yay! (Panic!)

@missax and others, should we specifically ask the wait staff to say something in the above situation? What is the nice way to say "sure, but you need to pay for that"?

tereghan · July 2013

This sounds like a similar situation to what my mom has for the bridal shower. We've got a party room in a restaurant, and the bar is in a separate room. She put a small line in the invitation saying, "Alcoholic beverages may be purchased at the bar." I think if you phrased it, "Additional alcoholic beverages may be purchased at the bar." it would get the point across, since you've obviously got a set list.

Bubbles2014 · July 2013

We have a similar situation at our reception as well. I think as long as it is clear what you are hosting (it is, from what you've written) and the waiter knows to inform people the only certain drinks are hosted when they order something different, then you have covered all your bases. You can't stop people ordering something else and paying for it if they want to, especially in a situation where the bar is open to everyone.

MoonlightSilver · July 2013

I think it would be a great idea to let the waitstaff know, if anyone asks for something off menu, the waiter can say "Only the options listed on your menu are compliments of the bride and groom." That way, the person ordering knows that you will not pay for anything extra they order.

loca4pook · July 2013

rvg22 said:

@Ajuliana, yes, the bar is in a separate area, you need to go past some other tables and around a corner to get to it. No one will think it is "our" bar.

I know most of our guests will be happy with our selection and will find something on our limited menu that they like. Something I could foresee happening, however, is a well-to-do uncle asks about the red wine, decides he wants something fancier or different or a wine that will pair better with his entree, and decides to splurge a little because its a wedding! Super fancy wine for everyone! Yay! (Panic!)

@missax and others, should we specifically ask the wait staff to say something in the above situation? What is the nice way to say "sure, but you need to pay for that"?

I would have waiters say "I am sorry that is unavailable, but this is what we are hosting" and not OFFER to let him pay from table..otherswise, it will look like a cash bar..I would also tell WAITERS not to bring the "drink menu" of any sort to table if asked...stick simply to the menu you have created

rvg22 · July 2013

loca4pook said:

rvg22 said:

@Ajuliana, yes, the bar is in a separate area, you need to go past some other tables and around a corner to get to it. No one will think it is "our" bar.

I know most of our guests will be happy with our selection and will find something on our limited menu that they like. Something I could foresee happening, however, is a well-to-do uncle asks about the red wine, decides he wants something fancier or different or a wine that will pair better with his entree, and decides to splurge a little because its a wedding! Super fancy wine for everyone! Yay! (Panic!)

@missax and others, should we specifically ask the wait staff to say something in the above situation? What is the nice way to say "sure, but you need to pay for that"?

I would have waiters say "I am sorry that is unavailable, but this is what we are hosting" and not OFFER to let him pay from table..otherswise, it will look like a cash bar..I would also tell WAITERS not to bring the "drink menu" of any sort to table if asked...stick simply to the menu you have created

Yeah, I am torn. It seems rude to essentially create a cash bar by making someone get their own bill at the end of the night because they want more expensive wine than we are hosting, but it also seems rude if a waiter absolutely refuses to bring my uncle the wine list if he asks...?

I like what @MoonlightSilver suggested that the servers say ("Only the options listed on your menu are compliments of the bride and groom.") and hopefully no one pushes for more options!

Jen4948 · July 2013

I like the suggestion that if someone asks for something that your bar isn't serving, the bartenders tell them that that isn't available from your bar, along with a menu posted of what is.

There really isn't anything you can do if someone decides to leave the area where your reception is to purchase a drink from the restaurant's cash bar-it's a hazard of having a reception with a limited bar at a venue with another cash bar nearby. But the rudeness reflects on them, not you, that you aren't offering what they're paying for.

LavenderHoneyBee · July 2013

It sounds like you are hosting a great party, so I wouldn't be too concerned. Leave your drink menus on the table, and do not allow the waiters to bring over any other drink/wine menu. If someone else asks, the waiters will be forced to say "the drink menu infront of you is what is offered, however you are welcome to visit our bar if you need something different". I really don't think anyone would be so crass to do this. The drink menu will be right in front of them, it seems pretty clear to me that that is what is offered.

radleyboo · July 2013

We did exactly what you are planning. Restaurant reception with a beer and wine only bar. We didn't have any issues with guests ordering other items from the staff or bartender. I think what you're doing is just fine and I'd be surprised if you ran into problems.

Restaurant reception - how to handle drinks?

Re: Restaurant reception - how to handle drinks?

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