Their family, not mine.

[Deleted User] · July 2013

Hi Knotties,

So here's the problem. I have two bridesmaids, women who are more like sisters to me than my own sisters sometimes. I love them. But their families, not so much. In fact I hate their family, both of whom are very controlling, happen to think I'm the spawn of the devil and have attempted to end my relationships with both of their daughters in the past. Mostly because, while we practice the same religion, our ideals about the religion are very different. They have called me out my name: of the whore slut variety, attempted to harm me and threatened to do so and spread vicious nasty rumors about me. Needless to say, I don't want them anywhere near my big day. However I don't know how to tell my MOHs this without offending them. Do I have to invite their horrid families to keep them,in my wedding or must I drop my two best friends from my wedding for my own mental state?

icecreamS04 · July 2013

No, you don't have to invite anyone you don't feel comfortable inviting (unless you sent them an STD)

Be straight forward about this. If your BMs know that your relationship with their mother is tense, just tell them that due to those incidents in the past, you don't feel comfortable to have their families around at your wedding day. If they are your friends, they are going to understand it.

If they don't know about this: Just tell you MOHs that due to limitations in space and budget, you are not able to invite their families...you only want YOUR (and your future husband's) nearest and dearest around and your MOH's family isn't part of that group.

NYCBruin · July 2013

WifeofPeace said:

Hi Knotties,
So here's the problem. I have two bridesmaids, women who are more like sisters to me than my own sisters sometimes. I love them. But their families, not so much. In fact I hate their family, both of whom are very controlling, happen to think I'm the spawn of the devil and have attempted to end my relationships with both of their daughters in the past. Mostly because, while we practice the same religion, our ideals about the religion are very different. They have called me out my name: of the whore slut variety, attempted to harm me and threatened to do so and spread vicious nasty rumors about me. Needless to say, I don't want them anywhere near my big day. However I don't know how to tell my MOHs this without offending them. Do I have to invite their horrid families to keep them,in my wedding or must I drop my two best friends from my wedding for my own mental state?

By their "families" do you mean their spouses/children or their parents/siblings?

If the former, you must invite their spouses. You don't need to invite their children though.

If you're referring to their parents/siblings, you absolutely do not have to invite them. You invite the people closest to you to your wedding. I don't think we are inviting any of the families (parents/siblings) of our WP members other than those who we are related to.

ETA reading comprehension fail-just saw that you're referring to their parents. No, there is no reason why you need to include the parents of your WP.

AddieCake · July 2013

WifeofPeace said:

Hi Knotties,
So here's the problem. I have two bridesmaids, women who are more like sisters to me than my own sisters sometimes. I love them. But their families, not so much. In fact I hate their family, both of whom are very controlling, happen to think I'm the spawn of the devil and have attempted to end my relationships with both of their daughters in the past. Mostly because, while we practice the same religion, our ideals about the religion are very different. They have called me out my name: of the whore slut variety, attempted to harm me and threatened to do so and spread vicious nasty rumors about me. Needless to say, I don't want them anywhere near my big day. However I don't know how to tell my MOHs this without offending them. Do I have to invite their horrid families to keep them,in my wedding or must I drop my two best friends from my wedding for my own mental state?

By families, who do you mean? Like their husbands? Or parents/siblings? Husbands, yes, you need to invite. Their families parents, siblings, etc, no, there would be no need to invite them if they are not people you care for.

freebread03 · July 2013

There is absolutely no rule that you need to invite your wedding parties' families to your wedding. Not doing so doesn't go against etiquette. You do not need to invite them, so don't. I wouldn't invite any of my friends' families, even if i had a wedding party. I don't know them at all, having maybe met them once or twice (if that).

ETA: I mean families as in parents, siblings, etc. not husbands/wives.

tereghan · July 2013

Have they asked you to invite their families? I've never been to a wedding where the bridesmaids' families were invited, unless they were under 18 and couldn't drive themselves. You are not obligated to invite anyone just because your friends says so.

Dreamergirl8812 · July 2013

If the situation is not that bad, how would your friends not know about the animosity? Why would they assume their families WERE going to be invited (assuming you're talking about their parents, etc. and not their SOs)?

AlexisA01 · July 2013

@courtpenguin21 Very true. Any type of threats and harmful behavior is way for a SO to not be invited also.

libby2483 · July 2013

You are under no etiquette obligation to invite the families of your BMs, even if they are your favorite people in the world. I would assume that your BMs know about the bad feelings between you and their parents, so it shouldn't be surprising to them that their families aren't invited.

winelover123 · July 2013

You in no way are obligated to invite their parents.

[Deleted User] · July 2013

Because of the small community we live in and their parents active involvement with their lives I don't know that they expected me to overlook the past transgression. Since I've posted this, one of my MOH's and I have discussed that her parents were absolutely not allow. The other knows her parents are not allowed but the claim for religious reasons that the won't let her come alone and want to send her sister - who I also have problems with, along. Because this friend is newly legal and still living in her parents home, there may be a problem. I want her apart of my wedding, but she may not be able to attend unsupervised.

harper0813 · July 2013

Wedding party parents are not required to be invited, so I think you're safe to not even mention it to them. If the bridesmaids ask if they can bring they parents, just say that you're not able to invite everyone you'd like (a white lie, but oh well).

If she needs assistance for medical purposes, I would address her invite to a person you'd feel okay attending - you mentioned her sister, who you don't seem to have AS big a problem with - but she should have an escort of some sort. Although I don't see why people who hate you so much would even want to come to your wedding.

I'm not aware of any religions that would prevent a bridesmaid from attending a wedding alone, so I can't speak to that.

Their family, not mine.

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