Involvment and boundaries!

justifyme143 · July 2013

So I want to keep everyone up to date with the latest plans so no one feels left out with just under a year to go. I do not want to have to plan my wedding in secret. I am finding it hard to get input from some people and turn others individuals off about my wedding plans. I guess I just want approvals and vetoes on my selections, and that is it. How do I keep some from crossing the, "too much opinion" line nicely? I do not want to lose my voice about my own wedding! How is everyone keeping others informed, up to date, and involved with out getting caught in the over enthused ambush? Is there a trick??

r&c14 · July 2013

By everyone, who do you mean? You will learn quickly that for those people that are overly involved you just need to not talk wedding with them, unless they are paying for the wedding. If they are paying they get a say.

justifyme143 · July 2013

My fiance and I both come from split families so its like having four groups of people who all are paying in some way and all want a part. I guess its just over whelming. Im wondering how everyone is handling the stress of the people around them.

Peaseblossom55 · July 2013

We are paying for our wedding ourselves so we don't have to worry about going to anyone else for opinions or approvals. I give my mom and FMIL updates occasionally just because they enjoy hearing about it.

justifyme143 · July 2013

You are so lucky

@ Pease

wabanzi · July 2013

My parents have passed away. My FMIL is wonderful and I really do want her opinion and interaction with the wedding (I guess I am just really missing my mom). We are paying for it all, BTW.

When my niece got married, her FMIL was a bit over opinionated and had very different taste. She gave her a specific function (the gift opening the day after the wedding) & turned it all over to her. Her FMIL was so busy doing that, she left my niece alone on most of the wedding details.

My issue is FI is talking to everyone about the wedding, many who will not be invited. Yikes. I love that he is so enthusiastic, but we may end up with hurt feelings once the invites go out :-(

luckystarz · July 2013

Our motto is 'unless your helping, we will take your opinion under advisement but there will be no demanding or such.' We are footing it ourself as far as I know. FMIL keeps telling FI he needs to have his brother in the wedding, he will be but we haven't started asking yet so he just ignores her. My parents are great about giving their opinion if asked otherwise they stay out of it.

pattywhack · July 2013

I'm really learning to take anything my mom says with a grain of salt. She kind of had a rushed shotgun wedding in the late 70's because she was pregnant with my older sister. So, she really never got the wedding that she wanted to my dad. While I do consider a lot of the suggestions she gives my FI and I, I gently remind her that this is our wedding and ultimately it's up to us what we're going to do. Plus, we're the ones footing most of the bill. It can be tricky trying to find the perfect balance between pleasing your family and getting what you want, but once you learn to walk that tightrope it's all good.

justifyme143 · July 2013

@wabanzi Im sorry you dont have your parents around. I know its hard. I have grandparents but no parents as well. I understand the pain of planning with out them. I have to say I love your nieces way of handling things!! I think its time to start handing out jobs!! As for the Fi telling everyone. Eekkk. that may be an issue. I would speak with him about that. My man is more of the quiet type and has a "what ever you want dear" mentality. If any one asks about stuff he points them my way. Hes almost too laid back and will not deter some one the stressful people. After hearing about your fi telling everyone and maybe causing stress im really glad mine is on the hushed side!

@luckystarz Im not okay with the demanding some people are doing. I may have to take your motto for a spin.

@pattywhack Thank you! I am no where near mastering the tightrope. Im still on the balance beam. The hardest part i think is that the bill is getting spilt so many ways that everyone who is putting in any money thinks they have a say in everything. :: sigh. :: I feel like a sock-'em-bop-'em robot!

pattywhack · July 2013

@justifyme143 just remember, they only want to help because they love you. Good luck!

wabanzi · July 2013

justifyme143 said:

@wabanzi Im sorry you dont have your parents around. I know its hard. I have grandparents but no parents as well. I understand the pain of planning with out them. I have to say I love your nieces way of handling things!! I think its time to start handing out jobs!! As for the Fi telling everyone. Eekkk. that may be an issue. I would speak with him about that. My man is more of the quiet type and has a "what ever you want dear" mentality. If any one asks about stuff he points them my way. Hes almost too laid back and will not deter some one the stressful people. After hearing about your fi telling everyone and maybe causing stress im really glad mine is on the hushed side!

Thank you. I am luck to have such a wonderful FMIL (and FI entire family). I think that now FI is working on the guest list from my original draft, and has seen the table layout I put together, he understands that we can fit 160 max and will be a bit more careful. I love that he is excited though, because I swear I am obsessed.

Involvment and boundaries!

Re: Involvment and boundaries!

Choose Another Board

Search Boards