Babysitting My Parents Egos

mmcgee2 · July 2013

So, our wedding is going to be mostly paid for by my fiance's family because, simply put, they have way more money than my family. They have given us a pretty generous budget, but my family will be doing cake, flowers, and dress. I can handle less money being spent on my cake & flowers, but I'm stressed about the dress. I don't want to have this gorgeous fancy wedding and have a really cheap wedding dress. I don't need something really expensive, but my mom is saying to keep it around 100$. I don't know how to work with the situation without hurting anyone. It's not okay for me to have my dress be the cheapest thing in the wedding.

MairePoppy · July 2013

Tell your mom you appreciate her help with the flowers and cake, but you'll pay for your own wedding dress. You can still take her shopping with you, but there will be no need for her to know the prices.

HisGirlFriday13 · July 2013

mmcgee2 said:
So, our wedding is going to be mostly paid for by my fiance's family because, simply put, they have way more money than my family. They have given us a pretty generous budget, but my family will be doing cake, flowers, and dress. I can handle less money being spent on my cake & flowers, but I'm stressed about the dress. I don't want to have this gorgeous fancy wedding and have a really cheap wedding dress. I don't need something really expensive, but my mom is saying to keep it around 100$. I don't know how to work with the situation without hurting anyone. It's not okay for me to have my dress be the cheapest thing in the wedding.

Ditto PP. If your parents are giving you a predetermined amount, put that toward the cake, flowers, and dress and then you and your FI make up the difference between what they can provide and what the actual cost of what you and your FI want is. You don't have to tell them what the final cost is. Just thank them for their contribution.

OneLuckyNurse · July 2013

I agree totally with the PPs. You might be surpised at what an 100 dollar dress can look like. Maybe its out of season but still fabulous. Maybe its about to be discontinued. Maybe its a sample and has a tiny rip in a place no one will ever see. There are plent of dresses that are "worth" much more that are being old for $100. You might need to keep in mind and in your budget to pay for alterations and extras yourself. If you have to buy EVERYTHING for a $100 that may be more difficult.

Chipmunk415 · July 2013

Shop the sales, and look for events with discounted gowns. I took my mom and FSMIL for some prelim shopping. The dress we all loved is normally 1350, and was on sale for 800. It will be on clearance by the time I'm ready to buy 20 lbs from now. The other members of the top 4 all came in under 500 with sale discounts.

My area is having a Brides Against Breast Cancer event this weekend. When I explained to my mom that this meant $2500+ gowns would be available for $100-$800, she just about fainted and demanded we attend.

Additionally, keep an eye on craigslist or wedding classified sites. Found on my local craigslist a girl selling one of my top 4 picks for about 350 less than original retail, worn once. If you can, ask to inspect the dress before purchase. You can save money and have a beautiful gown!

Blue & White · July 2013

My gown was $250 and is currently the cheapest part of my wedding. It's also gorgeous and I wouldn't have it any other way. The price tag on your dress doesn't make you more or less married.

MairePoppy · July 2013

@Courtpenguin21 - it depends on the mother. We gave our daughter $$ for her wedding budget with no strings attached. Some parents expect to have a say in how their money is spent. If her mom hands her the $100 for the dress, she should tell her that she will cover the difference if she goes over. She should tell the bridal consultant not to mention the price of the dress to her mom. If mom is one of those people who thinks it;s a waste of money to spend over $100 on a dress that daughter will wear once, then I think she's better off saying that she will be paying for her own dress. Parents can be very tricky ; )

I have a question for the ladies that got great deals on their sample dresses. What were the sizes of those dresses? My daughter is a size 2, so there were plenty of dresses for her to try when we were shopping. I don't know that there's a great selection in the larger sizes.

Amsdragonfly · July 2013

I tried on a dress when looking with my mom and fell in love with it- then checked the price tag to see it was $1500. Holy cow. My mom wanted to get my dress, but I couldn't imagine paying that much for a dress. months later, we found the same dress in another state that was almost $600 cheaper because it was discontinued and the 'floor dress' where it was tried on off the manikin. The point is, you can find dresses for much cheaper if it is discontinued or a floor dress like PPs said. You just have to keep your eyes peeled and be patient!

ETA: My sample floor dress was a size 12 and I'm an 8, and it fits pretty much perfect, so I was lucky.

1FairMaiden · July 2013

I say have mom pay for a veil and/or accessories. Even though the fabulous PP's gave a lot of great advice on finding a dress for cheaper, I don't think any of them would have necessarily gotten you a wedding dress for $100. Check out preownedweddingdresses.com. It's a great site where you can find really good deals! But again, not likely $100, though you might be surprised. Contrary to the name, they have a lot of dresses that have never been worn.

QueerFemme · July 2013

I would not limit my dress to $100 just to save someone's ego. I would tell her how much you appreciate the contribution, and you are going to look at lots of dresses in various price range, so you are sure you find "the dress" and be prepared to pay for all of it yourself, or anything above the $100.

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