NWR- baby gift etiquette

kaos16 · July 2013

There are two women in my office who are due with baby girls right around the same time. I wanted to make baby onesie cupcakes for them as a gift before their daughters are born. One of the women is Jewish. I know that there are certain guidelines within Judaism as it relates to gifts before babies are born. Would it be in bad taste to give her the onesies knowing that she is Jewish? I am not Jewish, if that changes anything. I just don't want to be rude by giving one a gift, and not the other, even though I am closer to the non-Jewish mother.

kaos16 · July 2013

Oh no! I forgot about all the lovers of all things cake and cake related on these boards. . . . . I should have given the warning in advance that they aren't real cupcakes. Fyrefly is right, they are just a cute way of gifting onesies and socks.

fuerst37 · July 2013

I'm not Jewish, so I can't speak to any guidelines specific to baby presents, but I would think any present would be welcome. If you wanted to be sensitive, you could always wait to give both mothers presents until after the births.

kaos16 · July 2013

fuerst37 said:

I'm not Jewish, so I can't speak to any guidelines specific to baby presents, but I would think any present would be welcome. If you wanted to be sensitive, you could always wait to give both mothers presents until after the births.

I thought of that, however one woman is taking 6 months off of work, and the other a year. I will likely see one of them a few times before she comes back, but not the other.

itzMS · July 2013

I would mail a nice card and a giftcard to Babies R Us (or whatever mega baby store you have in your area)

That way, they can use it for much needed things like diapers and food or towards a big ticket item.

Onesies and socks are fun...but not everyone wants zillions of those (or they may already have all the clothing they need).

kaos16 · July 2013

itzMS said:

I would mail a nice card and a giftcard to Babies R Us (or whatever mega baby store you have in your area)

That way, they can use it for much needed things like diapers and food or towards a big ticket item.

Onesies and socks are fun...but not everyone wants zillions of those (or they may already have all the clothing they need).

While I respect your opinion, knowing these two women I am going to make the onesie gifts. . . . I am confident that they will love them.

In most circumstances I go off the registry or send a gift card, for the reasons you suggested.

I'm just trying to avoid a faux pas by giving it before the baby is born,which is why I posed the question about Judaism.

Simply Fated · July 2013

That's a tough call, I know some women no longer follow that tradition while some still do.
Most women have something set up in case they do get gifts. For instance, my cousin kept all the gifts she received at my aunt's house until the baby was ready.

STARMOON44 · July 2013

Just ask her. "hey, are you accepting baby gifts now or do you prefer to wait until after the little one's arrival".

NOLAbridealmost · July 2013

Okay I normally don't really like babies or crafty stuff....but those are so stinkin' cute. I can't stand it.

I am not sure about the Jewish customs regarding gifts, but I do know that it's customary to wait to name the baby for a period of time after the birth so maybe there's something to the gifting thing too.

NOLAbridealmost · July 2013

From Lord-Google:

Baby Showers

Although attitudes towards this are changing, Jews traditionally did not hold baby showers before the baby was born. In fact, traditionally Jewish parents did not even purchase things for the baby or discuss baby names until the baby was born. The usual reason given for this custom is pure superstition: drawing attention to the baby also draws bad luck to the baby.

However, there are solid psychological reasons for this custom as well: the old proverb about not counting your chickens before they've hatched. There was a time when miscarriages, stillborn babies and infant mortality were quite common. Consider the pain of a parent who has lost a potential child but is left with piles of gifts that the baby will never use, gifts that they have to return, reopening the wound each time. Although this sort of thing is less common today than it was a century ago, it still happens. Remember actress Katey Sagal (whose father is Jewish, though I don't know if she considers herself Jewish). She became pregnant while she was starring in the TV series Married with Children and the producers decided to incorporate her pregnancy into the storyline ... until her sudden miscarriage required the writers to turn the already-aired pregnancy episodes into a dream sequence.

In general, you should be guided by the wishes of the parents in these matters. Many Jewish couples today would not think twice about having a baby shower, might even be offended if their friends did not throw one. But some Jewish couples feel strongly about the custom not to have one until after the baby is born, and if that is what they want then you should respect their wishes and wait until after the baby is born to give the new parents presents. If you find it difficult to restrain yourself, consider: how will you feel if, G-d forbid, something should happen to the child after you throw a shower in violation of the parents' wishes?

manjermj · July 2013

NOLAbridealmost said:

From Lord-Google:

Baby Showers
Although attitudes towards this are changing, Jews traditionally did not hold baby showers before the baby was born. In fact, traditionally Jewish parents did not even purchase things for the baby or discuss baby names until the baby was born. The usual reason given for this custom is pure superstition: drawing attention to the baby also draws bad luck to the baby.
However, there are solid psychological reasons for this custom as well: the old proverb about not counting your chickens before they've hatched. There was a time when miscarriages, stillborn babies and infant mortality were quite common. Consider the pain of a parent who has lost a potential child but is left with piles of gifts that the baby will never use, gifts that they have to return, reopening the wound each time. Although this sort of thing is less common today than it was a century ago, it still happens. Remember actress Katey Sagal (whose father is Jewish, though I don't know if she considers herself Jewish). She became pregnant while she was starring in the TV series Married with Children and the producers decided to incorporate her pregnancy into the storyline ... until her sudden miscarriage required the writers to turn the already-aired pregnancy episodes into a dream sequence.
In general, you should be guided by the wishes of the parents in these matters. Many Jewish couples today would not think twice about having a baby shower, might even be offended if their friends did not throw one. But some Jewish couples feel strongly about the custom not to have one until after the baby is born, and if that is what they want then you should respect their wishes and wait until after the baby is born to give the new parents presents. If you find it difficult to restrain yourself, consider: how will you feel if, G-d forbid, something should happen to the child after you throw a shower in violation of the parents' wishes?

My family isn't even Jewish and we have always followed these customs as well. Nothing for the baby until it is born healthy and in your arms. It is always best to just ask like a PP suggested. A quick "Hey, are you accepting gifts before the baby is born" would be appreciate by almost anyone.

AddieCake · July 2013

I just want to say those cupcakes are adorable. You get the stink eye for the cupcake tease, though.

kaos16 · July 2013

AddieL73 said:

I just want to say those cupcakes are adorable. You get the stink eye for the cupcake tease, though.

hhh! I'm sorry. I didn't even think of it

lalans · July 2013

I'm Jewish, and sadly the article is correct...some follow, some don't. No way to know unless you ask. Most people won't be offended though. I just gave a friend a present, pre-baby...they are not buying most things or doing a baby shower pre-baby because of superstitions, but weren't offended or anything. I also had kindof forgotten about the superstitions thing...I doubt your coworker would expect you to know about it.

KDM323 · July 2013

I love those! I think either way those are great presents!

ashleyep · July 2013

manjermj said:

My family isn't even Jewish and we have always followed these customs as well. Nothing for the baby until it is born healthy and in your arms. It is always best to just ask like a PP suggested. A quick "Hey, are you accepting gifts before the baby is born" would be appreciate by almost anyone.

My mom's family never traditionally had showers for the same reason. I don't know if it's a Catholic thing or an Italian thing, but they were the same way.

NWR- baby gift etiquette

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Baby Showers

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