"Meet The Bride" Event?

AprilH81 · July 2013

My FMIL was in town for a family wedding this weekend and she offered to host a "meet the bride" event sometime next spring after the wedding once the weather is nicer and we are further removed from the holidays (our wedding is January 25, 2014).

Since this is a post-wedding event what is the etiquette about the guest list? Is it still limited to wedding guests? It sounded like she wanted to use the event to introduce me to more extended family, friends and coworkers who will NOT be invited to the wedding. My initial thought since it isn't a shower that the guest list would be up to her, but I thought I would check with you guys. Obviously this is many months in the future, but if she brings it up again I want to be able to respond properly.

Thanks!

April

[Deleted User] · July 2013

..I have never heard of such a thing in my life. Can't she just have a party and not give it a title?

ETA: It also seems inappropriate because you won't be a "Bride" anymore. You'll be a wife.

misssunshine17 · July 2013

I agree. Plus, by then you won't be a bride, you'll be a wife. Just tell her you're more comfortable with just calling it a bbq or whatever.

AprilH81 · July 2013

LMc0322 said:

..I have never heard of such a thing in my life. Can't she just have a party and not give it a title?

ETA: It also seems inappropriate because you won't be a "Bride" anymore. You'll be a wife.

I think the title was just something she thought of off the top of her head. It sounds like a lovely idea, but like I said I wasn't sure what would be appropriate and I want to be able to gently steer her in the right direction if/when she brings it up again.

It sounded more like a luncheon event and it definitely was NOT a shower, but we only talked about it in passing while we were out running some errands.

southernbelle0915 · July 2013

I think it's reasonable to thank her for offering and let her know you're ok with her just having a party where you'll just be there and can meet people, but you're not ok with calling it a 'meet the bride' event. She can just have a spring BBQ or something and let people know you'll be there if they want to meet her son's wife. Nothing wrong with that.

AddieCake · July 2013

I'm kind of weirded out by this concept. Why can't they meet you at a holiday or something?

AprilH81 · July 2013

So as long as it isn't a wedding related party she can invite whoever she wants, correct? It doesn't have to be limited to those invited to the wedding?

BMoreBride6 · July 2013

I don't think there's anything wrong with her hosting a party and inviting anyone she wants, as long as the invitation doesn't reference "bride" or "wedding" or anything like that. Just have an awesome family get together!

AprilH81 · July 2013

AddieL73 said:

I'm kind of weirded out by this concept. Why can't they meet you at a holiday or something?

I have met most of the family on both sides, but not all of her friends. Maybe by the time we do another round of holidays this won't be "necessary" in her mind since I will have been around everyone by that time.

What is so weird about it though (other than the title)?

[Deleted User] · July 2013

I can't speak for Addie, but it seems odd to me, too. I guess I don't understand having a party to introduce your daughter-in-law to a bunch of people that she will likely not see again. If you haven't met them yet, I just don't get planning a party for that sole purpose. I would feel extremely uncomfortable if someone planned a party just to introduce me to a bunch of people.

tiny speck · July 2013

I agree that it's weird. Mainly because I don't see the point in having a formal gathering just to introduce you, especially if it's mainly to introduce you to MIL's friends if you've already met family.

wittykitty14 · July 2013

This just seems odd and pointless to me. It would also make me very uncomfortable. Even if you nix the title, I still think it's weird. Who does she need to show you off to?

It reminds me of a "meet the baby" party.

AddieCake · July 2013

LMc0322 said:

I can't speak for Addie, but it seems odd to me, too. I guess I don't understand having a party to introduce your daughter-in-law to a bunch of people that she will likely not see again. If you haven't met them yet, I just don't get planning a party for that sole purpose. I would feel extremely uncomfortable if someone planned a party just to introduce me to a bunch of people.

This sums up my "weird" feelings about it as well.

BMoreBride6 · July 2013

Also, if she references bridal things or wedding things in the invite, people may feel inclined to bring gifts which they should not.

Maggie0829 · July 2013

LMc0322 said:

I can't speak for Addie, but it seems odd to me, too. I guess I don't understand having a party to introduce your daughter-in-law to a bunch of people that she will likely not see again. If you haven't met them yet, I just don't get planning a party for that sole purpose. I would feel extremely uncomfortable if someone planned a party just to introduce me to a bunch of people.

I agree with this. I certainly haven't met every single one of my IL's friends and H and I have been together over 11 years and married 2 of those years. I just don't see the need in having a special party to meet random people that I will most likely never see again. I mean it isn't like you are meeting family, you would just be meeting friends. To me, if you meet her friends at other times great, but if not it isn't a big deal. But to have a special party just to meet her friends would weird me the hell out. Would you have a party just to introduce your IL's to all of your friends?

AJuliaNJ · July 2013

Why doesn't she set it up as a family reunion and then take you around to meet everyone you haven't met before?

MoonlightSilver · July 2013

My MIL wanted to do this too, but luckily (unluckily?) my SIL got married 2 months after me so I met all the extended family at her wedding.

I think it's perfectly okay for your MIL to host a bbq or luncheon with the purpose of introducing you to her friends and extended family. Will it be a little awkward? Probably! But MIL is really excited about her new daughter (you) and wants you to meet her friends. Unless there's bad blood, I'd humor her.

ETA: But I'd definitely ask her to phrase it as "meet my new daughter" or "meet my son's new wife" not anything bridal or wedding related.

LavenderHoneyBee · July 2013

Okay, it's a little weird. But you know what? It's also cute that she obviously likes her you and wants to show you off! I would just say to her, I would love to meet your extended family and friends. "If you would like to host a family bbq/brunch/party I would love to join. I would be a little uncomfortable as the "center of attention", but as long as we keep it casual, it sounds great to me!". And from there let her plan and invite whoeever she wants.

NYCBruin · July 2013

I sorta understand where your FMIL is coming from. Even before FI and I were engaged, a lot of my parents' friends wanted to meet FI. FI and I were visiting them over the holidays and my parents threw a New Year's Day party and everyone got to meet FI (then BF) there.

I would tell FMIL to nix the idea of anything "meet the bride/my daughter/whatever" and just throw a party without giving it a title. FMIL can accomplish the same goal without the awkwardness of making it wedding-related. She can host a summer BBQ and mention to all of her friends that you and her son will be attending.

AprilH81 · July 2013

Thanks everyone! The next time she brings it up I will try to steer her away from making it about the wedding or "meet the bride" and make it a more casual tea/brunch/bbq whatever.

She is VERY excited for our wedding even though this is FI's second wedding. Evidently I'm a huge upgrade from the first wife by the simple fact I actually speak to his parents and don't bury myself in my phone/laptop/iPad when I am with them.

(This is coming from FI, not his parents. They barely speak of her at all.)

I invited her to go dress shopping with me, my Mom and sister and she started crying a little she was so touched. I was glad I made the effort to include her, not only for myself, but for her. She talked about how excited she was all weekend when she and FFIL were in town.

BMoreBride6 · July 2013

AprilH81 said:

Thanks everyone! The next time she brings it up I will try to steer her away from making it about the wedding or "meet the bride" and make it a more casual tea/brunch/bbq whatever.

She is VERY excited for our wedding even though this is FI's second wedding. Evidently I'm a huge upgrade from the first wife by the simple fact I actually speak to his parents and don't bury myself in my phone/laptop/iPad when I am with them. (This is coming from FI, not his parents. They barely speak of her at all.)

I invited her to go dress shopping with me, my Mom and sister and she started crying a little she was so touched. I was glad I made the effort to include her, not only for myself, but for her. She talked about how excited she was all weekend when she and FFIL were in town.

That was very sweet of you. I too had my FMIL with dress shopping and she was so touched by it. I'm marrying her eldest and we are the first of either of our siblings to get married, so she really loves being involved but would never ask to come along because she doesn't want to impose

AprilH81 · July 2013

BMoreBride6 said:

show previous quotes

AprilH81 said:

Thanks everyone! The next time she brings it up I will try to steer her away from making it about the wedding or "meet the bride" and make it a more casual tea/brunch/bbq whatever.

She is VERY excited for our wedding even though this is FI's second wedding. Evidently I'm a huge upgrade from the first wife by the simple fact I actually speak to his parents and don't bury myself in my phone/laptop/iPad when I am with them. (This is coming from FI, not his parents. They barely speak of her at all.)

I invited her to go dress shopping with me, my Mom and sister and she started crying a little she was so touched. I was glad I made the effort to include her, not only for myself, but for her. She talked about how excited she was all weekend when she and FFIL were in town.

That was very sweet of you. I too had my FMIL with dress shopping and she was so touched by it. I'm marrying her eldest and we are the first of either of our siblings to get married, so she really loves being involved but would never ask to come along because she doesn't want to impose

I adore his parents and his mom is so sweet. I worried a little bit that my Mom would feel hurt by inviting FMIL, but my Mom isn't normally that type of person and one more person in the group does not lessen the fact that my Mom is my MOM.

FMIL loves me to pieces and since FI is an only child she won't ever get to plan a wedding for her own daughter so I'm the next best thing.

Simply Fated · July 2013

I love that you have a great relationship with his mom. That's so refreshing to hear, ya know?

I agree with pps that it's super weird that she wants to host a gathering just for you and her friends to meet. It's not really necessary, you know? I like the idea of suggesting a plain bbq without mention of the wedding or bride or anything like that.That's what makes it weird to me. FMIL could have just thought that one up herself.

weddingmuse · July 2013

I'm with CGMr on this. Having a tea or luncheon in your honor is not weird at all on the part of your FMIL. In fact, it's quite nice and etiquette-appropriate.

STARMOON44 · July 2013

I don't think it's weird at all! She's probably told her friends all about you and I bet they can't wait to meet you. A meet -the-wife party (tea, BBQ, luncheon, whatevs) sounds great.

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