Wedding Etiquette Forum
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No guest, unfortunate seating arrangement

Hi all, curious about your take on my friend's upcoming wedding. I am early 30s, single, and actively dating. She invited me to her wedding without a guest. I will only know couples there. She asked me which of two awful seating arrangements I prefer:

a.) Be 9th wheel at a table of couples, some of whom I know
b.) Sit at a table a mix of singles and couples, none of whom I know

This really makes me unexcited for this night. If she's having so much trouble deciding where to seat me, why couldn't she have allowed me to bring a guest?

Re: No guest, unfortunate seating arrangement

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    If it makes you feel any better I went to a wedding last weekend (with my FI) and I was seated at a table where I knew no one even though I had about 5 other people there that I knew at least casually (had been to my house before as a guest of my roommate).

    I would sit with the people you know, I'm sure they will talk to you and not make you feel like the odd woman out.  

    Oh, and just because you weren't given a guest does not make the bride a bridezilla, especially since she is going out of her way to ask you which seating arrangements you would prefer.
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    By actively dating, I'm assuming you date around, but don't currently have a defined boyfriend?

    It is nice, but not required to invite people with guests.  I understand being disappointed, but you can't really be mad at her for it.  You could always decline.

    Do you know any of the people there?  If so, request to be seated with them.  Who cares if they're couples?  It's not like these couples are going to be all whispering in each other's ears all night.  People typically socialize with a lot of different people at weddings.  Maybe you'll even meet a new friend!

    Really, I understand feeling uncomfortable (I'm a pretty socially awkward person), but again, it's not really something to blame the bride about, unless you have a boyfriend she just didn't invite.

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    I think it was really nice she asked your preference, even if the whole situation isn't ideal to you. I have been seated at a table that was less then ideal before, and once everything gets going you don't even always go back to your table anyways.

    I will be starting my table assignments soon and am not looking forward to it, it's impossible to make everyone happy.

    It stinks you didn't get a guest invite, but clearly neither did the other single people (like those 3 women) so it's nothing against you just a line they had to draw.
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    If you don't have anyone you consider to be your boyfriend/girlfriend, she's actually not required to give you a guest. Yes, it's a very considerate gesture, but not required. Some people try to squeeze in as many people as they can into their budgets - meaning plus one's often get the first cut.

    At least she's asking you about your preference (she doesn't have to do that either) - if I were you, I'd sit with the people I know. 

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    If you don't have an established boyfriend but just "date around," that may be the reason you were treated as single.  It isn't nice, perhaps, and doesn't seem fair, but it isn't required that the couple invite such people with automatic plus-ones.  Their wedding isn't a night on the town, and sometimes having to invite established couples together can really cut into the number of people they can invite at all due to budget and space considerations.

    If you accept the invitation, you'll have to do so knowing you can't bring a date.  You don't have to accept it; declining is a valid option.  If you do accept it, I'd sit with the people you know.  It's only for the meal; you can get up, move around, and talk to other people whom you know.  Even if you had the option to bring a date, you wouldn't be required to spend all your time talking to and dancing only with him.
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    I vote for sitting with the people you know. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    Are those the only things she's done that qualify her as a bridezilla? If you're not in a relationship then she was more than OK to invite you without a date. That she actually asked you which table assignment you'd prefer tells me that she's actually rather caring.

    Unless there's more to the story you're not sharing, I think you're overreacting big time. Pick the option you'd prefer or decline.
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    One, she hasn't done anything wrong.

    Two, she is being very nice and accommodating to you by giving you a preference on who you want to sit with.

    And she is in no way being a bridezilla.

    If you don't want to go to her wedding by yourself then simply decline the invitation.  If you don't want to miss her wedding since she is your friend then pick to sit with the people you know and get over the fact that you weren't invited with a plus one.


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    Hi all, curious about your take on my friend's upcoming wedding. I am 30, single, and actively dating. She invited me to her wedding without a guest. I will only know couples there. Yesterday, she emailed me to ask which of two awful seating arrangements I prefer:

    a.) Seated with two couples I know, and two I don't (a.k.a., be 9th wheel)
    b.) Sit at a table with two couples and three single women, none of whom I know

    Clearly, this really makes me unexcited for this night. If she's having so much trouble deciding where to seat me, why couldn't she have allowed me to bring a guest?
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    The more I read this post, the more I think you're just being really bratty.  This bride was trying to do a nice thing by offering you a choice, but you interpret that as her "having so much trouble" seating you somewhere, and talk about how "unexcited" you are.  

    Why don't you just grow up and go enjoy your friend's wedding?  Or decline and save both you and this poor bride the headache.

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    Maybe she doesn't want you to feel like you have to bring someone..since you're "actively dating"... Or maybe she just doesn't want to pay for someone who you're not going to speak to the next day. I would sit with the couples I know, you'll probably have a better time. 
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    itzMSitzMS member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment

    FWIW, I've never...not even once...been asked by the bride where I'd like to sit at a wedding. Your friend is being super considerate.

    There's definitely been a few times I would've much preferred to pick my own seat...that's for sure.

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    KJirasKJiras member
    Name Dropper 5 Love Its First Comment First Anniversary
    Sit with those you know, you can mingle with the singles during cocktail hour/dancing/etc. but for dinner you probably want to be with those you know and whose company you enjoy. I've also never been asked by a bride as to my preference of seating - its actually very considerate as PPs have said. 
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    I think your friend is being a very gracious host by asking your preference.
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    harper0813harper0813 member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited July 2013
    I agree that it was very considerate of the bride to ask you where you'd like to sit. She did not commit any etiquette errors by not extending a plus one to you. Where would you prefer sitting? I, for one, would probably choose the table of people you know. When I go to a wedding, I don't spend the entirety of dinner speaking to my SO - in fact, I tend to talk to the people I don't see all the time. You will not feet like a 9th wheel. Unless you make yourself feel that way, which I hope you don't do.
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    banana468 said:
    I'm not a big fan of how a thread title can be edited long after it has responses. Now when you see my bridezilla comment it looks like I'd taken hallucinogens before responding.
    I'm late to the party. She said the bride was a bridezilla for this???
    It's really nice when the couple give plus-ones to truly single guests... but it's also really nice when the couple gets to invite some more of their extended family, or perhaps host nicer alcohol or food options to their guests because they aren't paying for people they don't know when they are not bound by the rules of etiquette to invite them.

    That's the choice the hosts sometimes has to make:
    Let singles bring random dates
    or
    Inviting more people the couple is actually close to and/or hosting a nicer wedding.
    There are very valid reasons for making either of those decisions. In the end it's up to the hosts and neither decision is wrong or bridezillaish.
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    I think you should sit with the couples/people you know. My FI group of friends have some single guys and some married. We recently went to one of their weddings. There were four couples at the table and two single men. They were fine. We just hung out as if we were all hanging out anyway. Everyone talked to everyone. I danced with all of them. It was a good time for all. 

    Try not to worry about it. Sure, it isn't ideal, but you are going to celebrate your friends wedding. Just focus n that, and have a few drinks!

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    aurianna said:
    banana468 said:
    I'm not a big fan of how a thread title can be edited long after it has responses. Now when you see my bridezilla comment it looks like I'd taken hallucinogens before responding.
    I'm late to the party. She said the bride was a bridezilla for this???
    It's really nice when the couple give plus-ones to truly single guests... but it's also really nice when the couple gets to invite some more of their extended family, or perhaps host nicer alcohol or food options to their guests because they aren't paying for people they don't know when they are not bound by the rules of etiquette to invite them.

    That's the choice the hosts sometimes has to make:
    Let singles bring random dates
    or
    Inviting more people the couple is actually close to and/or hosting a nicer wedding.
    There are very valid reasons for making either of those decisions. In the end it's up to the hosts and neither decision is wrong or bridezillaish.
    Yes, the original OP called the bride a bridezilla.      I won't deny that it can be much nicer for single friends to get to bring a date but it's not rude to invite those unattached as solos. 
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