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No Show Thank You Note

Chan245Chan245 member
10 Comments First Anniversary 5 Love Its
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
My friend was married in January 2012.  She moved away for grad school but she had her wedding here in our hometown.  On her wedding invitations, she told everyone since she and her fiancé would be flying home after the wedding, all of their gifts either needed to be unwrapped because “even though we are newlyweds, we still can’t bring wrapped gifts on a plane ” or just mailed to her house.  This was ON THE INVITATION!  I am on a budget and I don’t have a lot of disposable income.  So I would not have to pay hefty shipping charges, I got her a $25 gift card to Macy’s and mailed it to her house.  We have three other friends that did the same thing.  I talked to her about 5 months after the wedding and she told me she had received a ton of gift cards and she didn’t know why.  She said she was so busy and she didn’t know how to write "those type of thank you cards".  It’s been a year and a half and the hard earned money I spent on a wedding gift card for her has not been acknowledged.  Is it wrong for me to still be this pissed?  Should I say something to her?  The other three friends did not get thank you notes either.
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Re: No Show Thank You Note

  • manateehuggermanateehugger member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    edited July 2013
    Chan245 said:
    My friend was married in January 2012.  She moved away for grad school but she had her wedding here in our hometown.  On her wedding invitations, she told everyone since she and her fiancé would be flying home after the wedding, all of their gifts either needed to be unwrapped because “even though we are newlyweds, we still can’t bring wrapped gifts on a plane ” or just mailed to her house.  This was ON THE INVITATION!  I am on a budget and I don’t have a lot of disposable income.  So I would not have to pay hefty shipping charges, I got her a $25 gift card to Macy’s and mailed it to her house.  We have three other friends that did the same thing.  I talked to her about 5 months after the wedding and she told me she had received a ton of gift cards and she didn’t know why.  She said she was so busy and she didn’t know how to write "those type of thank you cards".  It’s been a year and a half and the hard earned money I spent on a wedding gift card for her has not been acknowledged.  Is it wrong for me to still be this pissed?  Should I say something to her?  The other three friends did not get thank you notes either.
    Yes, her actions were rude and tacky, so I would have been annoyed. And I probably wouldn't have forgotten about it. 

    But over a year and a half later? Let it go. 
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  • tesskerrtesskerr member
    Sixth Anniversary 100 Comments Name Dropper 5 Love Its
    I have never, ever received a thank you card, for any gift I have ever given anybody.

    I wrote everyone a thank-you card for our engagement party. I sorta thought maybe I could start "the trend" in my circle. I have since attended a few weddings, no card. A friend will be throwing be a baby shower soon, and I intend to write thank you cards. I still don't expect to get a note from anyone.

    Some people just suck at it. A lot of people in my life suck at it. Don't let it get to you.
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  • jessicabessicajessicabessica member
    2500 Comments Third Anniversary 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    Your time to say something was when you talked to her 5 months after the wedding and she said she didn't know how to write the notes and didn't know why she got so many gcs.  You could have said, "I'm sure people were trying to make the gifts as convenient for you as possible with your note in the invitation, and you can just tell people what you plan to buy with the GCs."  At this point, I would let it go.  
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  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    I'd be pissed, but it's time to let it go. 


    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • efmcc67efmcc67 member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    You can be pissed, but you can't really say anything about it. 
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  • misssunshine17misssunshine17 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    StageManager14 said:
    I would have been irritated, but yeah, holding onto it for a year and a half is excessive. I just wouldn't buy her any more gifts.
    This. It's time to let it go. 
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  • winelover123winelover123 member
    1000 Comments 250 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    I still haven't received a thank you - verbal or written - for a wedding gift from a year ago. I don't plan on buying this person another gift. Let it go.
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  • arrichter1arrichter1 member
    10 Comments First Anniversary 5 Love Its
    Sharpschruter22 said:
    When I don't get a thank you card for giving a wedding gift, they never get a baby gift from me
    Ditto.
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  • Aray82Aray82 member
    500 Comments 250 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    What I don't get is why, with traveling, she wouldn't have preferred gift cards to dealing with boxes on the plane or having to pick stuff up at the post office! Anyway, I agree with PPs that you can't really say anything now.
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  • Xstatic3333Xstatic3333 member
    250 Love Its 500 Comments Third Anniversary First Answer
    I never get thank you notes. The killer is this one family friend. Lets call her Laura.

    For both her wedding and her recent baby shower, my mom and I both purchased Laura (clearly completely separate) gifts. For both, my mom received a TY note and I did not. I guess she doesn't think 20-something's care. It irks me, but I'd never say anything. I think the only way to address it, with mailed gifts, is to ask if they received it the next time you see them.
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    You can be pissed, but given how much time has passed, I think the window for action has closed.  Let it go now.
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  • shannyb41shannyb41 member
    Sixth Anniversary 100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2013
    I would be annoyed but I wouldn't say anything.  I still haven't received a thank you card from my cousins wedding and that was last November.


    I would just let it go.  It was rude but it will be just as rude or even awkward if you brought it up.

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  • d2vad2va member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Sharpschruter22 said:
    When I don't get a thank you card for giving a wedding gift, they never get a baby gift from me
    Ohhhh this is great advice!!! 

    I was invited to a wedding of a co-worker, and we gave a generous cash gift with a card. I did not receive any card, or any direct thank you. 

    They are pregnant now, NOT GETTING ANYTHING - NOTHING!
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  • TheBaysideBrideTheBaysideBride member
    250 Love Its 500 Comments First Anniversary
    LEt it go, and know that it was appreciated, even if not explicitly acknowledged. I am so far behind on thank yous right now - I'm sure a lot of people are annoyed but we got about 50 gifts at the actual wedding, then 2 week honeymoon and now getting back to work. I know, all excuses, but it's reality.
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  • TerriHuggTerriHugg member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Comments 100 Love Its First Answer
    1. I understand feeling miffed by this, but it was over a year ago. It's time to let it go. 
    2. The time to bring it up was 5 months ago, if you were to say anything at all.
    3. Yes, it was rude of her to not send a card, but I always try to remember that a true gift is given with no expectations at all - not even a thank you. I'm not condoning her lack of showing appreciation though. 
    4. How are you so sure she never sent a card? It's possible the card got lost. I say that because I had my bridal shower back in March and mailed everyone thank you cards the next day. A few weeks ago, one of the thank you cards I sent got returned to me for some reason. 
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  • MuppetOverlordMuppetOverlord member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    What about here? Were we rude here?
    imageimageimage

    You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.
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  • svc2014svc2014 member
    25 Love Its 10 Comments Name Dropper
    arrichter1 said:
    Sharpschruter22 said:
    When I don't get a thank you card for giving a wedding gift, they never get a baby gift from me
    Ditto.
    I would LOVE to do this but when I don't get my friend a gift for baby I would look like the jerk.. :(
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  • kimmieryan0406kimmieryan0406 member
    25 Love Its 10 Comments
    People are right, some just suck at it. They don't have manners. At this point, best to just chalk it up as a loss and whenever she gets you a gift, make sure to write her an extra sweet and awesome thank you note...just so she sees how it should be done. Set the example for her and trust me, she will feel shame for not doing the same thing. Practicing what you preach goes a longgggg way! :)
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  • AshleyP42AshleyP42 member
    Second Anniversary 10 Comments 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    Back when she first asked why people would send gift cards, I would have mentioned something like "well it would be very difficult to bring a ton gifts on a plane, unwrapped or not, so some of us thought it would make things easier for you guys to give you a gift card.  We were trying to be considerate of your situation, not be impersonal."  That way, your friend would understand your point of view.

    For her to even complain about it is extremely tacky.  Plus, her argument doesn't make sense- if they can't take wrapped gifts, they would need to have opened all the boxes the gifts were sent in anyway, in which case, why not unwrap the present? 

    Unfortunately, after this much time has passed, you need to let it go unless it's affecting your friendship and you really feel the need to clear the air.


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  • MobKazMobKaz member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    svc2014 said:
    arrichter1 said:
    Sharpschruter22 said:
    When I don't get a thank you card for giving a wedding gift, they never get a baby gift from me
    Ditto.
    I would LOVE to do this but when I don't get my friend a gift for baby I would look like the jerk.. :(
    ^^This.  It is passive aggressive.  It makes you look like the schmuck.  It resolves nothing.  
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  • svc2014svc2014 member
    25 Love Its 10 Comments Name Dropper
    mobkaz said:
    svc2014 said:
    arrichter1 said:
    Sharpschruter22 said:
    When I don't get a thank you card for giving a wedding gift, they never get a baby gift from me
    Ditto.
    I would LOVE to do this but when I don't get my friend a gift for baby I would look like the jerk.. :(
    ^^This.  It is passive aggressive.  It makes you look like the schmuck.  It resolves nothing.  
    Especially when the person who didn't give you a thank you probably doesn't even realize they've done something wrong haha
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