Is sending Save-the-Dates too early considered rude?

LavenderHoneyBee · July 2013

I am having a "mini-destination" wedding. By that I mean, almost everyone will have to travel between 1 - 2 hours. However, a good portion of our guests will need to fly. We purposefully chose this because our hometown, New York City, would be very expensive for guests (hotel, parking, etc) whereas the location we did choose is centrally located for our guests (who are spread out all over NJ and NYC).

Anyways, I'm excited and anxious to get out Save the Dates for our Oct 2014 wedding. I'm already receiving a lot of questions and would like our guests to have the information early (the STD will include our wedding website, which will provide info on hotels and other good to know info). Could I send out the STD's in November (11 months before the wedding) or is that simply too early or considered rude? I know most people say 6 - 8 months prior, which would put as at February but I'd like to send them out earlier if I could without seeming like a headcase.

Thanks!

Jen4948 · July 2013

I wouldn't go quite so far as to say it's "rude" to send an STD earlier than the 6-8 months prior deadline, but if you don't follow up with an invitation regardless of when you send STDs it's definitely rude.

But we usually advise holding off until the 6-8 month deadline simply because things can change between you and someone you are thinking about inviting. It's at that point that you have a fairly solid idea of who you want to invite and they'll have a fairly solid idea of whether or not they can come and will accept your invitation.

s-aries8990 · July 2013

I think that you might want to wait until January - it'll be after the Christmas Card hubub

manateehugger · July 2013

My mom let family know informally via e-mail the date and location of our wedding more than a year out. Otherwise, I agree with PP's - you have to invite anyone you send a STD to, so hold off on those you might not invite.

ETA: There is no way anyone will need to be booking a flight/hotel more than 9 months out. Yes, they can budget for attending your wedding, but that's why a informal head's up will work just fine.

NYCBruin · July 2013

LavenderHoneyBee said:

I am having a "mini-destination" wedding. By that I mean, almost everyone will have to travel between 1 - 2 hours. However, a good portion of our guests will need to fly. We purposefully chose this because our hometown, New York City, would be very expensive for guests (hotel, parking, etc) whereas the location we did choose is centrally located for our guests (who are spread out all over NJ and NYC).

Anyways, I'm excited and anxious to get out Save the Dates for our Oct 2014 wedding. I'm already receiving a lot of questions and would like our guests to have the information early (the STD will include our wedding website, which will provide info on hotels and other good to know info). Could I send out the STD's in November (11 months before the wedding) or is that simply too early or considered rude? I know most people say 6 - 8 months prior, which would put as at February but I'd like to send them out earlier if I could without seeming like a headcase.

Thanks!

I don't think it's rude to send them out early, but I would suggest waiting until at least January to send them out so they don't get lost in the holiday card rush a few weeks later.

Also I agree with other people's advice, just make sure you don't send a STD to anyone you aren't 200% sure that you want there. Once you send a STD you have to send an invitation.

LavenderHoneyBee · July 2013

fyrefly76

No worries, we will only send to people who are 100% getting an invite. It will mostly only go to family and best friends. People we are on the fence about (like coworkers) won't get one.

NYCBruins-aries8990

Good point about holiday cards. That's why if I don't do November I would wait and do late January/February.

Bubbles2014 · July 2013

We sent ours out 10 months prior, because my FI's entire guest list lives an 8 hour drive/1 hour flight away. It is also on a public holiday weekend, so we wanted to give plenty of notice. So if there is travel involved I would send them out earlier rather than later. STDs are just FYIs for your guests, and I think giving notice is polite.

schellzinator · July 2013

I don't have advice for this...but I was at a friend's house for dinner the other day and the have a save they date on refrigerator from a couple whose wedding is June 2015...and majority of the guests live about 35 minutes from the ceremony/reception location.

AddieCake · July 2013

Travelling 1-2 hours is not a mini destination wedding. I'm so aggravated by everyone who thinks if anyone has to travel to their wedding it makes it a "destination wedding." 11 months is fine. A lot of people send their STDs a year out.

southernbelle0915 · July 2013

The purpose of save the dates is a convenience for your guests to plan ahead. I, personally, do not have my 2014 calendar out yet so if I received an STD now it wouldn't really serve the purpose it's supposed to serve.

It's not rude per se, but to make it as effective as you probably want it to be, I would wait until January - after the holiday card shuffle. You'll be in the typical time frame (8-10 months), people will have their 2014 calendars out, and guests will have plenty of time to plan. I wouldn't let your excitement get the better of you and keep the convenience of your guests in mind.

[Deleted User] · July 2013

Personally I would appreciate it as a guest would have to travel and possibly arrange for time off to go. This would give me plenty of time to save up for the costs of travel and maybe even find some flight/hotel deals. Also in my company depending on day of the year, you have to put in 10-11 months in advance to get a specific date off. I know where my sister works, she has put in for her vacation for the next year by the end of November.

AllyIdo · July 2013

We're getting married in Las Vegas - we're all traveling from the east coast. Sent the Save the Dates 11 months ahead.

LavenderHoneyBee · July 2013

AddieL73 said:

Travelling 1-2 hours is not a mini destination wedding. I'm so aggravated by everyone who thinks if anyone has to travel to their wedding it makes it a "destination wedding." 11 months is fine. A lot of people send their STDs a year out.

I agree with you, I don't personally consider it a "destination" wedding, I just wanted to clarify that this isn't something people will be driving 30 minutes for. And, it's in a fun spot (the beach) so if people want to make a weekend out of it they can, but I'm certainly not expecting/requesting they do.

Xstatic3333 · July 2013

I would dissent from most and say send them just ahead of the holiday card rush, maybe in early November. We sent ours around then because we knew that some of our OOT friends might plan summer visits home when they were with their families over the holidays, and might want it to coincide with the wedding. Also, for me, my job requires periodic weekend work that is hard to change once the schedule for the year is made in January. I can't possibly know about any weddings too early! It may be a case of knowing your crowd and what they'll find most helpful.

MissZarmela · July 2013

As soon as I book the reception date, I will think about sending my Save-the-date, which will be more than a year ahead. For multiple reasons: since it's in January, people would want to either save extra money or just think about their days off during that weekend, witch is right after the Holidays so might be complicated for some people to get off work again. Also, we have family in the US and in Europe (we live in Canada), they will need that extra time to plan ahead if they want to come.

Kristin789 · July 2013

Wedding invitations go out 6 to 8 weeks ahead of the wedding.

Used to be, people would get a wedding invitation, then make plans to go to the wedding or decline.

Now we get STD's months and months ahead of the event, asking that we prioritize this wedding above all else that goes on our calendars for the next half-year. That's pretentious right there.

And if you are really asking if this really new thing called STD can be stretched from a max of 6 months ahead to 3/4 of a year or even a whole year... well, your guests who are over 35 will think this is really pretentious because you are asking them to prioritize your wedding above all else in our lives FOR A WHOLE YEAR.

hordol · July 2013

I wouldn't say the timing is rude at all, in fact is sounds pretty normal. But be careful with STDs...a lot can change in the 11/12 months before your wedding and if you send a STD, you are committed to inviting that person. We had a bit of trouble with that...we were a bit over zealous with the STDs and then later on wished we could cut the guest list, but we couldn't. It all ended up working out perfectly in the end, but it caused me a lot of stress in the meantime. So just be aware of your budget and exactly how many people you can afford to host without assuming any money will just pop up randomly and you will be fine.

hordol · July 2013

Kristin789 said:

Wedding invitations go out 6 to 8 weeks ahead of the wedding.
Used to be, people would get a wedding invitation, then make plans to go to the wedding or decline.
Now we get STD's months and months ahead of the event, asking that we prioritize this wedding above all else that goes on our calendars for the next half-year. That's pretentious right there.
And if you are really asking if this really new thing called STD can be stretched from a max of 6 months ahead to 3/4 of a year or even a whole year... well, your guests who are over 35 will think this is really pretentious because you are asking them to prioritize your wedding above all else in our lives FOR A WHOLE YEAR.

...Do people really think like that? I have never judged a couple or assumed them to be narcissists because I got a STD?...

schellzinator · July 2013

@hordol - I've never thought that way. I just think that if a save the date is sent too early - it loses its purpose. For example - the couple who sent a save the date for 2015 that I mentioned earlier...that save the date is going to end up in the trash - either during spring/summer cleaning this year or spring/summer cleaning next year

wrigleyville · July 2013

I never think of STDs that way, Kristin. They aren't a summons. I appreciate the heads-up and use it to help plan my vacation time for the next year. If we can't go, we don't go. It's as simple as that. Sometimes, I like that I get the STD months in advance because it's easier to move things around if, say, I'd rather go to my friend's wedding than a baseball game. If I get an invitation eight weeks before the wedding, I might not be able to do that.

When I get an STD a year in advance, I keep it on the fridge for a few months to remind myself to check flights, hotels, etc once we're at the 8 or 9-month mark. Then I just save everything in my calendar and either keep the STD if it's family or a close friend or recycle it. So, to answer the OP, I don't think it's rude or weird.

Maggie0829 · July 2013

I am in the STDs are not necessary unless you are haing a DW or are sending them to your OOT guests only camp. I have received many STDs for friends weddings that are taking place 30 minutes down the road. I do not need a year or 8 months notice before the wedding to plan for that.

Now if the wedding was taking place in the Bahamas then advanced notice would be nice to have or if your wedding is a few hours away that I would rather make a hotel reservation then spend 2-3 hours driving home after the party then a STD would be nice.

But in the end, like with many things with weddings, STDs are not required. Heck you could easily call up your VIPs and let them know about your plans and wedding date so that they have some notice.

OP, I think sending your STDs in November would be fine. It seems that the majority of your guests will need to make some sort of travel arrangements so the early the get the info the better the deals they may get. Just make sure you are absolutely 100% positive on your guest list before you send STDs because once the STDs are sent there is no cutting back on the guest list.

NYCBruin · July 2013

Kristin789 said:

Wedding invitations go out 6 to 8 weeks ahead of the wedding.
Used to be, people would get a wedding invitation, then make plans to go to the wedding or decline.
Now we get STD's months and months ahead of the event, asking that we prioritize this wedding above all else that goes on our calendars for the next half-year. That's pretentious right there.
And if you are really asking if this really new thing called STD can be stretched from a max of 6 months ahead to 3/4 of a year or even a whole year... well, your guests who are over 35 will think this is really pretentious because you are asking them to prioritize your wedding above all else in our lives FOR A WHOLE YEAR.

I totally disagree with this. Most of the weddings I attend are OOT. If the only notice I have is 6-8 weeks out, then there is almost no way I'll be able to make travel plans or get time off work.

Also, as others have mentioned, a save-the-date, like an invitation, is not a summons. Just because I get a save-the-date doesn't mean that I'm automatically going to go to your wedding.

Now if you're having a wedding where your only guests live in the same town as you and the wedding, then I guess it could come across as a bit AWish. I just don't know anyone who that applies to.

wrigleyville · July 2013

Oh, yes. I'm in the camp that agrees STDs for a local wedding are unnecessary. We only sent them because we're getting married in Vegas. If we were having a local wedding, we would have simply called our VIPs and then let our friends and close relatives know in person when hanging out.

I think the wedding industry is definitely fueling this "all weddings require a STD" fire. STDs weren't even a thing (in my experience) until a few years ago. We simply received word from our friends/family, and then we'd receive the invitation 3-4 months in advance. Perhaps it's because my family/friends don't do DWs, but it still seems pretty recent to me.

ashleyep · July 2013

Maggie0829 said:

I am in the STDs are not necessary unless you are haing a DW or are sending them to your OOT guests only camp. I have received many STDs for friends weddings that are taking place 30 minutes down the road. I do not need a year or 8 months notice before the wedding to plan for that.

I actually prefer to get STDs over invites 6 weeks out. Even if it's a local wedding. I work M-F so I only have weekends off and I tend to fill them up quickly and way in advance. I like to put it on my calendar, so that I know not to schedule something that day. I'm frequently looking 2+ months out in my Google Calendar to see what I have going on in the next couple of months.

I don't really *need* them, per se, but I do like to know in the late spring what weddings I have coming up from May - September. It helps me budget over the summer since even local ones can get expensive.

Maggie0829 · July 2013

wrigleyville said:

Oh, yes. I'm in the camp that agrees STDs for a local wedding are unnecessary. We only sent them because we're getting married in Vegas. If we were having a local wedding, we would have simply called our VIPs and then let our friends and close relatives know in person when hanging out.

I think the wedding industry is definitely fueling this "all weddings require a STD" fire. STDs weren't even a thing (in my experience) until a few years ago. We simply received word from our friends/family, and then we'd receive the invitation 3-4 months in advance. Perhaps it's because my family/friends don't do DWs, but it still seems pretty recent to me.

This. I don't remember receiving STDs 5 years ago, but lately every single wedding that I am invited to has them. I get the importance of them but I just think they are only needed in certain situations. We had 5-7 OOT couples invited to our wedding. We didn't do STDs. We just let them know "hey, we are getting married on X date and would love for you to attend." Easy peasy and cost us nothing.

wrigleyville · July 2013

Yup, and if I had close friends and family who worked weekends, I'd give them the heads-up as soon as we had the date.

If I'm not close enough with someone to know they sometimes work weekends or odd shifts, then I wouldn't worry about it. Of course I'd want them there, but it just wouldn't be a big thing like with the VIPs and close friends/family. (I hope that doesn't sound cold.)

keochan · July 2013

My entire family and several friends are in other states and FI's dad and stepmom as well as a few of my friends are in other countries. they'll be receiving STD's in January for our Oct 2014 wedding.

kkcaper14 · July 2013

In the meantime if you haven't done so already I would set up a wedding website through theknot. If someone searches your first and last name and your fiance's the website will come right up. You can at least put some basic information - where, when, hotels etc. as some people really like to plan in advance.

Jean0715 · July 2013

I am also in the same boat (lots of people traveling/most flying). We plan to send ours out AFTER we have blocked out hotel rooms for our guest and AFTER a venue and date is set. Pretty much I say 11 months isn't too early as long as you have things in line for your guests to start making travel arrangements.

Kristin789 · July 2013

"I think the wedding industry is definitely fueling this "all weddings require a STD" fire. STDs weren't even a thing (in my experience) until a few years ago."

Yep. That exactly.

Is sending Save-the-Dates too early considered rude?

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