offering to pay dress balance

crunchymamaof2 · July 2013

One of my bridesmaids is having a tough time financially. Their dresses should be in in the next week or two and the balance is due then. It's only like $40. We'd like to cover it for her but would that be rude? I don't want it to seem like we're throwing her money issues in her face and if I ask I know she'd say no. Would it be okay if I called the shop and paid the balance without telling her beforehand? I want to help but want to go about it right

rkbo · July 2013

We paid for our bridesmaids dresses, but we did it in full, and they knew up front that we wanted to pay for them.

If I were you I would call your friend and say hey, fiance and I decided we wanted to help all BM's pay for their dresses. Can we pay the balance that is coming due on your dress?

That way you don't do it without her knowledge and she doesn't think you are being sneaky.

keochan · July 2013

rhawndas said:

We paid for our bridesmaids dresses, but we did it in full, and they knew up front that we wanted to pay for them.

If I were you I would call your friend and say hey, fiance and I decided we wanted to help all BM's pay for their dresses. Can we pay the balance that is coming due on your dress?

That way you don't do it without her knowledge and she doesn't think you are being sneaky.

I think the issue with that though is if she mentioned how generous you are to the other BM's and they tell her that you didn't pay for theirs. It could easily backfire on you

rkbo · July 2013

Might be worth paying for the balance of all the dresses then.

Dreamergirl8812 · July 2013

If any of my wedding party said they had a problem with paying for anything then we would happily cover the cost. But I wouldn't do it behind their back. Casually ask your friend if she wants you to pay for it. No matter what her answer, it's not a big deal.

Bubbles2014 · July 2013

If she is your BM she is probably a close friend. Just ask if you can cover the balance to help her out. She can always say no and cover it herself, accept and offer to pay you back, or just accept.

NOLAbridealmost · July 2013

The only way I could see this working without making her feel singled out for her money issues would be if you paid the balance on all the BMs dresses. Other PPs seem to disagree, but I'd have a hard time approaching the one BM who just so happens to be having money issues about doing it without being terrified of it coming across as pity.

harper0813 · July 2013

I don't see anything wrong with paying for just one BM's dress - I really don't think it needs to be all or nothing. Just give her a call and stay friendly and upbeat and just say, "Hey, I'd really like to take care of the balance on your dress. I'm going to give the store a call in a little bit and wanted you to let you know that you can cross that off your task list!"

Honestly, I can't imagine, as a BM, bringing up having my dress paid for by the bride in conversation.

SJM7538 · July 2013

I don't think this a big deal at all. If you're close to her, which I assume you are bc she is in your wp, then call her up and tell her you'd like to cover the balance of her dress. If it was me id be extremely grateful a friend wanted to help me out.

As far as the other bms finding out only you can tell how they'd react. If they would make a stink about it I would avoid telling them, but if they know the situation I'd hope they wouldn't.

I covered the entire cost of my MOHs dress. She is my little sister and she is a single mom and going back to school and not currently working. All my other bms know that I paid for it, they know the situation and how close we are so they don't care.

amalama · July 2013

Does she talk to you about her money problems? If she does, then I think it would be okay for you to mention at that point that you would like to cover the rest of the dress. Just something like, "sorry to hear that, I'd be glad to cover the rest of your dress if that would help." I think if she talks to you about it she would be okay with that. If you just have a feeling she has money problems it would probably embarrass her to bring it up or do it secretly unless you pay for everyone's.

JellyBean52513 · July 2013

You can always let her know that you're just going to go ahead and cover the balance of her dress. If she asks why, tell her you did it because you just wanted to. You don't have to make it about her financial situation (even though it is), you can simply make it about you wanting to do something nice for a friend.

crunchymamaof2 · July 2013

@Nolabridealmost that's my worry about asking her ahead of time. I don't want her to get her pride hurt and refuse just due to that. But at the same time, if I pay for it without asking/telling her first she could get mad and think I assumed she couldn't pay when maybe she could. ahh.

She has talked to me about her money issues. Her hours have been drastically cut at work and she was telling me how she's behind on her bills. I know it's only $40 but I know to me that can be a lot of money at times, especially when you don't have any! I know my other BMs would be fine with it, I have offered to pay differences in the past and we've talked about it.

I think I'm just going to tell her "Hey, don't worry about the dress balance. It should be in in a few weeks and with everything going on you don't need to be stressing about my wedding too. Sound okay?" Will that work?

[Deleted User] · July 2013

We had actually budgeted to pay for a portion of all of our girls dresses & a portion of the guys tuxes as a way to help everyone out. We knew that money was tight for a lot of our friends and they said yes anyways to being a part of our bridal party, so we wanted to make it a a little easier for them.

For the guys we paid the portion we planned for when we picked out the tuxes and just told them what the remaining balance was. For the girls, I actually got lucky I found the dress they picked out on e-bay and I asked them if they would mind if I got them from e-bay. They said no, why not recycle a dress, so I ordered them, had them dry cleaned. Since the dress & dry cleaning actually came to the amount I had budgeted for, I refused to take money for the dresses & told them why.

TheBaysideBride · July 2013

Just an idea - is there something other than the dress that you can cover? like her hair or hotel? If not, agree w/ the others, just tell her you would like to do it, because you appreciate all that she's doing for you.

certainly NOT rude to help a friend out - we're covering some hotel rooms for wedding party who are in tight spots and the hotel we chose is a bit pricey. no one was weird about it, we just said we're excited for everyone to stay together at the same hotel.

it's really, really great of you to be aware of her situation.

offering to pay dress balance

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