Friends participating in ceremony

Re: Friends participating in ceremony

• itzMS member

  

  July 2013

  thisismynickname said:

  Hi all,

  So.... I've been to many a wedding where a friend or family member read a verse, or reading, or sang a song, or played music.  I've always thought it was a great way to include more people that are close to you without increasing the "bridal party".

  Considering that many bridesmaids help with wedding chores, host wedding parties and basically pay for the privilege, I've found it to be an honor to be asked to share (donate?) my musical talents and play a song during a ceremony (I play piano as a hobby). 

  
  

  I emphasize ceremony--- not reception; I'd rather have friends and family just enjoying the reception. (Although I did attend a wedding where the main music was provided by a DJ but close, rock-musician friends of the couple played their first dance. Very cool.)

  
  

  My fiance and I have a friend who's a very talented professional violinist and I'd love to have her play a song during our ceremony. Fiance said absolutely not, it's rude, we could not ask her- because she makes a living teaching violin and doing weddings and whatnot.  I won't ask her now but I'm wondering what other Knotties think about asking friends to have a role in the ceremony?  Does it matter if it's something with a hobby versus a profession?

  
  Bridesmaids are not required to do any wedding chores or host any parties. I certainly hope you aren't requiring your bridesmaids to do these things.

  Your FI is right. Asking someone to play music or sing at your ceremony without offering to pay them for their talents is very rude. If they volunteer, that's a different story.

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• zizibet member

  

  July 2013

                                I do think it's rude to ask a professional to provide services they would normally be paid-
       Ceremony readings to me fall into a very different category. If your friend offers-that's different.
  

  

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• Blue & White member

  

  July 2013

  I played at my sisters wedding, but I wasn't a professional. I think it depends how close you are to this person. I would ask with the intentions of paying, but be prepared to write a thank you and get a gift for a musician that specifically didnt want to be paid. Also, it helps a lot if the officiant knows you have a musician and/or the musician comes to the rehearsal.

  I guess, to tell you the truth, I've never had much of a desire to grow facial hair. I think I've managed to play quarterback just fine without a mustache. - Peyton

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• thisismynickname2 member

  

  July 2013

  itzMS, I know they're not required  I'm not requiring mine to do anything, but I do observe that many bridesmaids do help.  I've been a BM and MOH; I've helped with invitations and hosted parties and other kinds of stuff. It varies--- but definitely not required, I agree with you. 

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• Bubbles2014 member

  

  July 2013

  Devils advocate here: If your friend was an actor or a public speaker would you not ask them to do a reading because they make money for talking?
  
  If it is really a friend, someone who you spend time with, see on a regular basis, etc then I don't think it is different from asking someone to do a reading. My best friend and MOH is a music teacher. She has played in many weddings, and for her friends she doesn't change because they are her friends.
  
  I think this one all depends on your relationship with the person. Actual true friend who would bail you out of jail? Fine. Acquaintance who you don't see/talk to very often? Offer to pay.
  

  
  

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• southernbelle0915 mod

  

  July 2013

  It's fine to ask her but you need to offer to pay her regular rate (whatever that is). She can offer to do it for free an if she does you can accept and I would get her a nice gift if that ends up being the case.
  
  Don't ask your friends to do anything for free. That would be terribly rude if its how they make a living.

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• AlexisA01 member

  

  July 2013

  My bm is singing bound to you for our first dance. She is an amazing vocalist and stylist but she offered to sing for us and I'm very honored. Unless they offer don't ask, it sends out a bad message that you are rude.

  Live fast, die young. Bad Girls do it well. Suki Zuki.

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• daveANDkristen member

  

  July 2013

  southernbelle0915 said:

  It's fine to ask her but you need to offer to pay her regular rate (whatever that is). She can offer to do it for free an if she does you can accept and I would get her a nice gift if that ends up being the case. Don't ask your friends to do anything for free. That would be terribly rude if its how they make a living.

  
  This.  I asked a friend of mine who does photography as a part-time job if I could book her for our wedding, and she offered her services for free.  H and I were incredibly grateful. 

  
  

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• kellymiron member

  

  July 2013

  I've seen different professionals handle this in different ways. I would be prepared to pay. Your friend is the only one that can make a call on this one. Don't be offended if she denies you.

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• efmcc67 member

  

  July 2013

  I'm a professional musician. It's not my sole source of income, but I do get payed for it. I've played a number of weddings for money. A couple years ago, a friend asked me to play in his wedding, and offered to pay. Because he's a friend, I offered to do it for free. He offered a few more times, but I was insistent. If he hadn't offered to pay me, I would have played anyway, but it would have left a bad taste in my mouth. You should definitely offer to pay her normal wages. For people who DO make their whole living by gigging, it's not a small thing. I know people who make less than $20,000 a year. She may offer to play for free; she might not. You've got to let her make that decision.

  
  

  
  

  

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