FSIL miscarriage...

sierraberry32 · July 2013

FSIL got pregnant with her first when she was 17 (he's now 8 months old), and announce she was pregnant soon after she turned 19. She recently miscarried. We took her baby for a few nights because the father of her baby was yelling at her and causing her to cry. During those few nights FI was not willing to help take care of his nephew and stood back while I took care of him. I figured he was depressed. FI and I started talking, he seemed very angry with what happened. A few days have passed and he seems to be upset still. Again we talked and he asked me if it was bad that he feels relieved that his sister is no longer pregnant? What do I say to that?

HisGirlFriday13 · July 2013

First of all, I am so sorry for your FSIL's loss. She must be devastated.

It's not horrible of your FI to be thankful that your FSIL isn't pregnant any longer. It's a complicated emotion. On the one hand, he probably loves your nephew, but on the other hand, his sister is very young and it seems like she's not in a very good relationship.

Give your FI time to process his emotions and let him talk it out. Also, see if someone can talk to your FSIL about learning to use birth control effectively. Be a shoulder for your FI to lean on and cry on. This is tough. I am so sorry.

CarolinaHeart · July 2013

Are you posting this because you think it is bad he feel this way?

I don't really understand what you're asking.

sierraberry32 · July 2013

He feels bad about feeling this way... And if I just said no, he would want an explanation.

sierraberry32 · July 2013

CarolinaHeart said:

Are you posting this because you think it is bad he feel this way?

I don't really understand what you're asking.

To be honest, I don't think it's bad that he feels relief. It's just a touchy situation with his little sister.

NYCBruin · July 2013

sierraberry32 said:

He feels bad about feeling this way... And if I just said no, he would want an explanation.

So what did you say?

Do you think it's bad that he feels this way?

I'm also confused as to what you're looking for.

Simply Fated · July 2013

sierraberry32 said:

CarolinaHeart said:

Are you posting this because you think it is bad he feel this way?

I don't really understand what you're asking.

To be honest, I don't think it's bad that he feels relief. It's just a touchy situation with his little sister.

And this is why he told you and not his little sister. He's looking at you for support.
Relief is a legitimate emotion, but he's probably struggling with it and I don't blame him.

Talk to him about it. Let him know he can tell you how he truly feels and the no emotion is the wrong emotion.

sierraberry32 · July 2013

Harry87 said:

I'm going to be the doom and gloom person here.

FSIL is 19 with one kid, got pregnant with another pretty quickly, and her bf got mad at her for miscarrying?

Are we certain that her BF is not pressuring her to get pregnant or compromising her birth control?

Actually, one of her older sisters would be responsible for encouraging her not to use birth control. Apparently she got a blood clot while she was on the pill and now pressures her younger siblings not to use any type birth control that effects your hormones.

s-aries8990 · July 2013

I'm less concerned about FI's emotions and more concerned about your FSIL... She just miscarried and her BF thinks it's ok to emotionally/mentally abuse her for it?

AllieBear725 · July 2013

LingerLonger1 said:

sierraberry32 said:

FSIL got pregnant with her first when she was 17 (he's now 8 months old), and announce she was pregnant soon after she turned 19. She recently miscarried. We took her baby for a few nights because the father of her baby was yelling at her and causing her to cry. During those few nights FI was not willing to help take care of his nephew and stood back while I took care of him. I figured he was depressed. FI and I started talking, he seemed very angry with what happened. A few days have passed and he seems to be upset still. Again we talked and he asked me if it was bad that he feels relieved that his sister is no longer pregnant? What do I say to that?

With regards to the bold I hope you don't plan to have children with him. If he couldn't even help out for a couple of days he won't help out for 18 or more years either.

Right, why not help out with the healthy child she already has? It's not that kids fault that his mom lost the other baby. I think there's some serious issues that need to be addressed here. My FI would be kicking said BF's ass, and probably end up with an assault charge.

ETA: Punctuation.

Pepper6 · July 2013

Ugh...this chick again?

QueerFemme · July 2013

LingerLonger1 said:

sierraberry32 said:

FSIL got pregnant with her first when she was 17 (he's now 8 months old), and announce she was pregnant soon after she turned 19. She recently miscarried. We took her baby for a few nights because the father of her baby was yelling at her and causing her to cry. During those few nights FI was not willing to help take care of his nephew and stood back while I took care of him. I figured he was depressed. FI and I started talking, he seemed very angry with what happened. A few days have passed and he seems to be upset still. Again we talked and he asked me if it was bad that he feels relieved that his sister is no longer pregnant? What do I say to that?
With regards to the bold I hope you don't plan to have children with him. If he couldn't even help out for a couple of days he won't help out for 18 or more years either.

I was thinking the same thing Linger. Between Sierra's own fucked up family dynamic and her FI refusing to help with a child that was in their care, I really feel like there should be zero reproduction from this union.

rajahmd · July 2013

monkeysip · July 2013

This is just all sorts of messed up.

I don't think it's bad to feel relief of "Well, at least my sister doesn't have to deal with the problems of having another child with this ridiculously awful boyfriend." I mean, there's silver linings in every tragedy. As long as he still feels bad for his sister, who I'm sure was heartbroken by her miscarriage.

But I agree with PPs... the bigger problem is this scummy boyfriend who is getting mad at his girlfriend for miscarrying. WHAT???

And I also would be alarmed that my fiance wouldn't take care of his own nephew for a little bit while his sister was dealing with her miscarriage and crappy boyfriend.

Dreamergirl8812 · July 2013

I pity the fool that ever messes with my FI's little sister.

Anyway, is he scared of the baby? Some guys don't have a clue about how to care for a baby and they end up treating it like a hot potato...

My similes suck today.

sierraberry32 · July 2013

KindaSparkly said:

sierraberry32 said:

Harry87 said:

I'm going to be the doom and gloom person here.

FSIL is 19 with one kid, got pregnant with another pretty quickly, and her bf got mad at her for miscarrying?

Are we certain that her BF is not pressuring her to get pregnant or compromising her birth control?

Actually, one of her older sisters would be responsible for encouraging her not to use birth control. Apparently she got a blood clot while she was on the pill and now pressures her younger siblings not to use any type birth control that effects your hormones.

Have her talk to her doctor about non-hormonal birth control if her boyfriend won't wrap it up. Heck, a copper IUD would last ten years if she is a candidate for that.

I recommended that she visit with her doctor to find a suitable birth control method... But I think that is as far as its gone.

You can only lead a horse to the water, you cant force them to drink...

sierraberry32 · July 2013

Harry87 said:

I'm going to be the doom and gloom person here.

FSIL is 19 with one kid, got pregnant with another pretty quickly, and her bf got mad at her for miscarrying?

Are we certain that her BF is not pressuring her to get pregnant or compromising her birth control?

He never got mad at her for miscarrying... I don't know where you read that from? He just yelled at her for some reason I don't know of.

ashleyep · July 2013

KindaSparkly said:

sierraberry32 said:

Harry87 said:

I'm going to be the doom and gloom person here.

FSIL is 19 with one kid, got pregnant with another pretty quickly, and her bf got mad at her for miscarrying?

Are we certain that her BF is not pressuring her to get pregnant or compromising her birth control?

Actually, one of her older sisters would be responsible for encouraging her not to use birth control. Apparently she got a blood clot while she was on the pill and now pressures her younger siblings not to use any type birth control that effects your hormones.

Have her talk to her doctor about non-hormonal birth control if her boyfriend won't wrap it up. Heck, a copper IUD would last ten years if she is a candidate for that.

Yes! Do this! I love mine. And most doctor's don't require that you've given birth before to get one!

Her sister is discouraging her from using a hormonal birth control. There are other options and it's not her sister's fault that they're not using them.

QueerFemme · July 2013

OP has been really open about the crazy family drama she has on her side, and now she is telling the internet her FSIL had a miscarriage, FSIL's boyfriend screams at her, and her own FI wouldn't help with caring for her nephew. But, somehow I get flagged for suggesting that they shouldn't reproduce?

AllieBear725 · July 2013

sierraberry32 said:

Harry87 said:

I'm going to be the doom and gloom person here.

FSIL is 19 with one kid, got pregnant with another pretty quickly, and her bf got mad at her for miscarrying?

Are we certain that her BF is not pressuring her to get pregnant or compromising her birth control?

He never got mad at her for miscarrying... I don't know where you read that from? He just yelled at her for some reason I don't know of.

That's a pretty tid bit of crucial information to add to this scenario don't chya think?

QueerFemme · July 2013

StageManager14 said:

Maybe this is the thread that @mobkaz was talking about with poorly worded responses that boiled her blood? I couldn't tell what her point or what she was talking about, but it would explain the random flags.

Or it could be something completely unrelated, but I think this is the only thread about miscarriages that we've had recently.

@stagemanager14

I am pretty sure she was talking about the funeral for the miscarriage that was on E that everyone freaked out on CMGr about.

QueerFemme · July 2013

StageManager14 said:

QueerFemme said:

StageManager14 said:

Maybe this is the thread that @mobkaz was talking about with poorly worded responses that boiled her blood? I couldn't tell what her point or what she was talking about, but it would explain the random flags.

Or it could be something completely unrelated, but I think this is the only thread about miscarriages that we've had recently.

@stagemanager14

I am pretty sure she was talking about the funeral for the miscarriage that was on E that everyone freaked out on CMGr about.
Oh, I missed that one completely, I guess. In that case, my sincere apologies, @mobkaz.

ETA: And I have no clue who would be flagging you guys. I can't imagine that it would be Sierra, but I could be wrong. Of course, I think saying they shouldn't have children is a bit harsh personally, but not flag-worthy in the context of the thread.

You might be right. It may be harsh. But, given the nature of the stuff she has posted about her family dynamics, and now the family dynamics of her FI's family, I don't necessarily think that it's bad advice. Hell, I've told people in my own family they shouldn't reproduce! Sometimes, it's best to let bloodlines die.

AllieBear725 · July 2013

QueerFemme said:

StageManager14 said:

QueerFemme said:

StageManager14 said:

Maybe this is the thread that @mobkaz was talking about with poorly worded responses that boiled her blood? I couldn't tell what her point or what she was talking about, but it would explain the random flags.

Or it could be something completely unrelated, but I think this is the only thread about miscarriages that we've had recently.

@stagemanager14

I am pretty sure she was talking about the funeral for the miscarriage that was on E that everyone freaked out on CMGr about.
Oh, I missed that one completely, I guess. In that case, my sincere apologies, @mobkaz.

ETA: And I have no clue who would be flagging you guys. I can't imagine that it would be Sierra, but I could be wrong. Of course, I think saying they shouldn't have children is a bit harsh personally, but not flag-worthy in the context of the thread.

You might be right. It may be harsh. But, given the nature of the stuff she has posted about her family dynamics, and now the family dynamics of her FI's family, I don't necessarily think that it's bad advice. Hell, I've told people in my own family they shouldn't reproduce! Sometimes, it's best to let bloodlines die.

Agree, you can't really come onto a wedding forum with such personal information into your family dynamic and not expect some blunt honest answers. She put herself out there, and none of the replies are against TOS. Sometimes the truth hurts.

AllieBear725 · July 2013

Ah, okay I see your point now.

QueerFemme · July 2013

AllieBear725 said:

Ah, okay I see your point now.

yeah, me too. (I still think I'm right though). I'll accept this flag..

Kristin789 · July 2013

1. You and FI are supposed to be developing a relationship, cultivating an engagement, planning a wedding, and solidifying your future plans. Not all up in FSIL's business.

2. FSIL is under 21, so her parents should be all up in FSIL's business. If she needs to go somewhere because her lovepartner is abusive, then SHE AND HER BABY should go to HER PARENTS' HOUSE. Not dispatch the baby to you and FI. That's clearly inappropriate.

monkeysip · July 2013

Kristin sounds like a great sibling to have around when you need help...

CarolinaHeart · July 2013

Kristin789 said:

1. You and FI are supposed to be developing a relationship, cultivating an engagement, planning a wedding, and solidifying your future plans. Not all up in FSIL's business.
2. FSIL is under 21, so her parents should be all up in FSIL's business. If she needs to go somewhere because her lovepartner is abusive, then SHE AND HER BABY should go to HER PARENTS' HOUSE. Not dispatch the baby to you and FI. That's clearly inappropriate.

What does being under 21 have to do with anything? She's 19 years old, legally an adult. She also has a baby and doesn't live her parents so no. Her parents shouldn't be "all up in her business."

My parents haven't been anywhere near my business since I was 16 and I am able to function as an adult...

Ajuliana · July 2013

He needs to take a little more interest in his nephew and guiding his sister to a safer environment and relationship.

I know that my sisters have always come to me before my parents and I value that they trust ne to be a sounding board and give advice. It's a part of the "being a good sibling" package in my family.

sierraberry32 · July 2013

Kristin789 said:
1. You and FI are supposed to be developing a relationship, cultivating an engagement, planning a wedding, and solidifying your future plans. Not all up in FSIL's business.
2. FSIL is under 21, so her parents should be all up in FSIL's business. If she needs to go somewhere because her lovepartner is abusive, then SHE AND HER BABY should go to HER PARENTS' HOUSE. Not dispatch the baby to you and FI. That's clearly inappropriate.

She lives with her mother still... So her mom was helping her. FI and I agreed to take her baby for a few nights.

FSIL miscarriage...

Re: FSIL miscarriage...

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