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Post-Wedding Shower

My friend and quasi-daughter received her engagement and wedding rings within four days of each other.  There was no particular reason to hurry, it just worked out that way, which meant that many of their friends didn't even know they were getting married before they WERE married, but there are also some religious issues involved.  I told her that I would be happy to give a post-wedding shower and now that the time has arrived and I could use some advice, having not given a bridal shower for a few years....or decades.  I  have sons, so this hasn't come up. Yet.(I'll be back for more info on that.)   I know the post-wedding shower is not strictly Emily Post, and even though I'm Southern, I can live with that.  Her generation is far more casual about this kind of thing than mine was. In terms of planning, are there any BIG things I need to think about that make the post-wedding shower different from the pre-wedding shower?  And what is appropriate these days in terms of venue.  We always thought a shower at home was more appropriate and that going to a public place was kind of tasteless and impersonal.   Are more couple-showers given now as opposed to bridal showers, and how is that affected by the date of the shower, post- or pre-wedding?  They did a beach wedding; does that mean the theme of the shower should also be "beach?"  The wording of the invitation must be different; is the time of day different, the food different, the gifts different?  Should we be calling it a post-wedding reception instead?  Even though I have planned a number of complex events, in this situation, the generation gap LIVES! 

Re: Post-Wedding Shower

  • Just throw a BBQ.  Most people I know have Jack and Jill parties where guests are of both sexes.  I'd send out invites to their friends that say something like: 

    Billy and Jenny have tied the knot.  Please join us to celebrate their marriage at this place and time.  

    Some people have themes, especially if the couple really doesn't need much.  My brother and his wife had lived together for a few years before their wedding.  Their shower was a stock the bar party.  People brought glassware, bar utensils, bottles of wine or alcohol and such.  
    Another friend and her husband love to camp and enjoy outdoor activities.  Her sister hosted an outdoor themed party for them.  It was a BBQ with s'mores for dessert to go with the theme.  People gave them air mattresses, tents, camp stoves, lanterns, hammocks and other such items.  It was a fun time.  
  • I think throwing a party would be fine but throwing a shower would not. The basic rule of wedding showers is that only people invited to the wedding can be invited to the shower. It's like telling people that they're not important enough to be invited to the wedding but still asking them to give presents. I don't think age has much to do with it. I'm in my twenties and I would be upset if a good friend didn't invite me to their wedding or even tell me they were getting married and then invited me to a shower which is a gift giving event.
    I think the best way to go would be to just throw a party with the new couple as the guests of honor. Nothing fancy, a nice barbecue would be great, then people can congratulate your daughter and her new husband at that time and if they want they can bring a gift but will not feel pressured into doing so like at a shower.
  • I think having a shower after a wedding that has already happened would be inappropriate. Just like AmberMarie said, showers are before the wedding and everyone invited to a shower (or other pre-wedding party) must be invited to the wedding. 

    Scratch the shower idea and have a BBQ. Don't have them register for gifts or expect gifts at all. Showers are for brides, she is now a wife. They have made their decision and the whole shower idea ship has sailed. 
  • I think at best, a housewarming could be a way to do this. An actual bridal shower, is for before. Now, I've had friends who for whatever reason, have had in laws FORCE a shower on them afterwards(usually bc the more distant in laws are just that, a good distance away).

    But at this point, it's either a BBQ as one PP suggested, or perhaps a housewarming. Even then(and I'm a military divorcee and my FH is Retired Army), I don't think this warrants anything, unless their family and friends want to host something for them.

    Also, I'm just curious. What are the Religious issues versus the military issues? Was there an issue about living together, or pregnancy? B/C I can't think of any other reason why things happened this way. Just curious :)
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