I'm fairly new on here (long time lurker thought) and am starting to post more often. I don't really where to put this so I decided on here. You ladies always have good advice.
Just this week my Mom got called into the Dr. early for results from a test (never a good sign). What we feared was true; she has endometrial cancer. We see the surgeon on Wed. and are expected a quick surgery date due to how progressive the cancer seemed in initial pathology. I'm a nurse and live with my parents right now so I plan on taking time off of work to be with her for the surgery/ recovery. My mom has a great attitude and is handling it well. I'm doing ok but am having my moments (crying in my FI sholder so I can be upbeat and positive for my mom later). My mom has been extra focused on the wedding planning the last few days (we're doing a lot of DIY early so its not stressful at the end). She says that she loves having the wedding to focus on to keep her happy, encouraged and distracted. I'm having a hard time focusing with her because all I want to do is focus on her. My Mom is much more important to me then finding the right DJ or whatever. I'm trying to figure out how to still work on the wedding (because she wants to). Just kinda lost. When we work on wedding stuff in the back of my mind (or front of my mind) all I can think of is how terrified I am that my Mom wont be there.
Thank you for reading. I think I just needed to vent a bit. When I do it with my loved ones in person it is much harder because I can see their sadness too and always start to cry. If anyone has advice or went through a similar situation during their own wedding planning I would love to hear your thoughts/ experiences. If you are of the praying kind, send one out for her. Thanks
Re: Sad News- Wondering how to handle it
I'm so sorry for your family and what you are dealing with. I'm keeping your family and your mom in my prayers. Unless you object, I will ask my mom (a fellow nurse) and my grandmother (a woman with a direct red phone line to Heaven) to include you, your mom, and your family in theirs as well.
Whenever I visit her all she wants to talk about is the wedding. It helps distract her and like others have mentioned,i can tell she doesn't want this to define her. She spends a lot of time online trying to find a dress while at the hospital.
I'm so sorry you and your family are going through this. I know how hard it is. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
My dad was just diagnosed with cancer a month ago. On top of all the wedding planning, I understand how overwhelming it can be. My dad made the decision to put off his sugery until after the wedding. I disagreed with him, but ultimately realized it was his choice as he wanted to enjoy my wedding to its fullest extent, not in discomfort from having invasive surgery.
I agree with PP's. Don't focus on your mom's illness. Yes she is fighting a battle, but just like my dad I'm sure she doesn't want you to dwell on it. Be grateful she is willing and able to help you with all your planning. Thinking of you and your mom in this difficult time!
I completely agree with PPs that the joy of your wedding and all of the planning involved will probably be very therapeutic for her. I'd imagine she's looking to maintain normalcy rather than succumb to the "cancer patient" label. This will probably be great for her spirits. I'm glad to hear that your fiancé is a great support for you. Let him continue to be that support so that you can have a wonderful time wedding-planning with your mom.
We pushed our wedding back a year because of the line of duty deaths of two close friends. They were Kat's coworkers at the ambulance service; I (Steve) am also a former EMT and consider both Tim and Cody friends and brothers. We had just started getting some planning out of the way when the crash happened and obviously that put us out of the mood to do anything related to the happiness of a wedding. The decision was made to push it back a year because we felt we had more important things to do in taking care of our friends and family.
Obviously, this is not really applicable if you have a sick relative who wants to make sure that they can attend but make sure you let them know that their well-being and happiness is more important to you than your wedding because after all, they are family. A wedding is an important celebration of family (both biological and otherwise) so it should not be something that adds salt to the wound of a cancer diagnosis. Let them know how much you love them and be there for them. Do that and it will make the ceremony when it happens all the more meaningful.
Just my two cents.....I could be wrong.