Destination Wedding Woes

MissSkinnSoon · July 2013

My fiance and I moved to Idaho, where his family is, but most of my family are in Arizona and all over. We decided to have the wedding in a middle ground in Utah. How do I budget or figure out flight and hotel for basically my entire guest list who are out of town? I know some people should be there as long as we are for planning and support, but should I pay for the flights? Should I pay for all of the guest accomodations? HELP!

ChiGirl2013 · July 2013

You aren't required to pay for anything for anyone. However, with a destination wedding, you have to be OK with the fact that some people might not come due to finances, work schedules, etc. If you're not OK with that, either don't have a DW or be prepared to pay for everyone.

We just had a DW in April. We arrived on Thursday and got our marriage license on Friday. The wedding was Sunday. Most of our guests arrived Saturday and left Monday. They all paid their own way. We gave them about 15 months' notice (although they knew for 3 years that we were going to have a DW) so they had plenty of time to save. Everyone who was important to us who wanted to be there was there. We reserved a hotel room block and everyone made their own travel arrangements. Most stayed at the hotel where we blocked rooms but some opted to find their own hotel, which was fine with us. You are in no way required to hold everyone's hand and make all their arrangements for them - I'm sure they've traveled before and can take care of buying their own plane tickets and booking their own rooms. You also don't need people there the entire time you're there. By the time the wedding rolls around, everything will be done and the most you'll have to do is drop decorations off at your venue and maybe meet with your photographer. You don't need anyone to hold your hand for that.

MissSkinnSoon · July 2013

Thank you so much! That helped a lot! So I should probably let people know unofficially (before paper invites) that it is going to be a destination wedding.

I guess I will get on that!

CowgirlK39 · July 2013

My brother had a DW this year, and it was the most stressful thing ever. He required a lot out of guests, including ridiculously expensive dinners days before the wedding, as well as a pricey bar crawl which served as their b-parties. We were so sick of wedding festivities by the time the wedding came and couldn't wait to come home. Understand that, along with many people declining to come, those who do will be pretty strapped after paying for travel, lodging, etc. Make it as easy on guests as possible, and do not plan too many pre-wedding parties around the same time.

ChiGirl2013 · July 2013

CowgirlK39 said:

He required a lot out of guests, including ridiculously expensive dinners days before the wedding, as well as a pricey bar crawl which served as their b-parties.

That was just plain disrespectful on his part. That is NOT how a DW ordinarily works. Like any other wedding, pre-wedding parties are generally paid for by the bride and groom, unless someone else offers to host them. His guests should not have had to pay a dime for any of the festivities - MAJOR faux pas on his part, and I would have let him know it, right after I told him I wasn't going if I had to pay my own way. Who plans their own b-party and makes their guests foot the bill?????

The only thing we had was a rehearsal dinner, and we paid for that. We also opted to hire a trolley to take our guests on a tour of the area because we knew most of them were arriving the day before the wedding and leaving the morning after and wouldn't have much time to explore. That was paid for by us as well. I wouldn't dream of asking them to pay for that on top of travel expenses. Yikes!

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