Nevada-Las Vegas

*Vent*

So I was talking to my sister about wedding details and I bring up how me and FI do NOT want her husband at the wedding at all. She wasnt happy and ended our phone conversation. She has a horrible marriage her husband has a major drinking problem and gets violent with her every single weekend and is always saying horrible things about my family and my father who isn't even alive. He has said gotten in my face cussing at both me and my FI in front of our children to the point where they started crying. And now she is upset that he's not invited. It shouldn't even be a surprise why we don't want him there after the way he treats her for one and for the way he talks about my father and the way hedus rerespects me along with my FI and our children. So now my sister/ MOH isn't speaking to me :/
Wedding Countdown Ticker Visit LasVegas.Weddings.com

Re: *Vent*

  • its her loss.  chin up with or without her your wedding will be gorgeous and surrounded by people who you love and who love/respect you.  :) be firm if you don't want him there then its your choice
  • I understand where you are coming from, but it would be hard for a sister to tell another sister that her husband is horrible. Im not saying you are wrong, because I am sure he is horrible, but don't you want you sister there?? Maybe you can talk to her and tell her how you feel but don't talk bad about her husband. She prob feels stupid that shes still with him..
  • I tried talking to her but she is the type that tries to run away from a problem for as long as she can. None of my family likes him because he has been problematic with everyone . And once he put fear in my 9 year old daughter that was the end of it for me. I really need her there shes like a mother to me now since my parents aren't alive. I just hope she can understand.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker Visit LasVegas.Weddings.com
  • Oh Valerie this is awful! Im sure your sister will come around. Surely she would KNOW her husband is bad news. I agree with PP its your wedding and you control guest lists. However I can also see why your sister would be unhappy and possibly even embarassed about her husband not being invited.

    Can't wait to say 'I do' on April 14, 2014 - Planning Bio

    Wedding Countdown Ticker

    Visit LasVegas.Weddings.com

  • I'm not sucking it up so some drunk who has disrespected me and my family dozens of times. I'm not letting him embarrass me in front of my closest friends and on top of that its going to be a hard enough of a day emotionally without my father there.. and I'm not allowing someone to be there that has said time and time again that my dad deserved to die. No way am I sucking it up. I want my sister there but I won't let her or her husband ruin my day.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker Visit LasVegas.Weddings.com
    Kimberlybfpc
  • In most circumstances it would be plain wrong to only invite 1 half of married couple. But you raise valid points regarding your BIL's behaviour. It does put your sister in a difficult position though and it may result in her not attending your wedding. Hopefully she respects your wishes and attends your celebration but you do need to be prepared to decide whether it is worse for him to attend or have neither of them there.

    Can't wait to say 'I do' on April 14, 2014 - Planning Bio

    Wedding Countdown Ticker

    Visit LasVegas.Weddings.com

  • I barred my friends boyfriend for coming for the same reason. I hate him he acts the same way and she doesn't see it. However she understand my concern and is respecting my wishes. She is coming solo to the wedding :)

    Keep your foot down on this. Its her loss.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    Kimberlybfpc
  • I can see your point of view but I would hate to see this become a point of contention between you and your sister.  The statement that you said that concerns me is about him being abusive towards her.  If your sister is in an abusive marriage, she needs help.  I am no expert but having situations that make her feel isolated from the family may draw her closer to him and not to family that can support and help her should she choose to leave him.
  • I can see your point of view but I would hate to see this become a point of contention between you and your sister.  The statement that you said that concerns me is about him being abusive towards her.  If your sister is in an abusive marriage, she needs help.  I am no expert but having situations that make her feel isolated from the family may draw her closer to him and not to family that can support and help her should she choose to leave him.
     
    she really does need help. I cant tell you how many times I have told her she needs to leave him.I know it is easier said then done especially when you have been together for so long but I hate seeing her go though such horrible verbal abuse. regardless of our differences I will be there for her if she needs my help no matter what.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker Visit LasVegas.Weddings.com
  • Valerie, it's your wedding so invite or not invite whoever you like! Maybe your sister is afraid if she tells her husband he is not invited he will be angry and take it out on her though. Could your FI talk to him maybe? Seems like he has no problem bullying the women but may not be so bad with another man telling him why he is not being invited.  Hopefully he will accept it and hopefully your sister will too. Best of luck...
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • He and my FI do not get along. Last time it got pretty bad when FI stood up for me and he just kept walking away from FI. My BIL is only about 5'8 and 130lbs when FI is 6ft and 300lbs. So I think he's afraid of FI. But FI cannot stand him our kids aren't even allowed to be around him cause of how he acts. I can go on forever about this guy its just a bad situation. I just hope my sister can have a talk with me instead of just avoiding me but if not I'll just have to accept that she won't be there.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker Visit LasVegas.Weddings.com
  • Once he scared your kids that would be it for me too.  I think your sister and her husband are likely to be a package deal unless she's ready to divorce him, and it sounds like she's not at that point unfortunately.  It will be hard for both of you but I'd probably not have either there before I'd have both; considering what he's done in the past to others who will be there (your kids).

    Married in Vegas - June 2011


    Valeriecruz82Kimberlybfpc
  • Val... girl.. I remember you having some drama with your sister when you were doing the scouting trip with a friend of yours she didnt like...

    now this... is definitely on a whole other level.. the domestic abuse is one thing.. which is a problem in itself.. but I totally agree.. when he started yelling and abusing a child.. DONE...
    absolutely.. u want your sis there.. but what i am thinking about is environment. . VEGAS= drinking.. which he already Does.. meaning.. he WILL NOT b on his beat behavior...

    I am hoping your sister can see this and try to figure out a way to b there for you.. and not make this about her and HIM...

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    Valeriecruz82
  • Nursing & VG you couldn't be more right. That's exactly how I feel. I want her there and I'm hoping she will because its not about either of them its about having respect especially when there are children involved. And like nursing said Vegas= drinking and no way am I letting him ruin what is supposed to be such a beautiful day.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker Visit LasVegas.Weddings.com
    KikiMira
  • Exactly!!
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Yea VG and missmo said it the best. It does sound like they are a package deal so you will have to decide whats important to you. I don't blame you for not wanting him to go, but it doesn't sound like shes a great person either. Maybe she is having a hard time with him but you cant change someone until they want to change. I hope it works out for you, I know how hard this can be.
  • Val I agree I think you need to stick to your guns on this one. What more can you do then explain your concerns and fears to your sister in a calm and rational way? She will either understand or be hurt, but if this guy is a monster then you're better off with neither of them there.

    9+ months until the wedding (same week as me right? :) Any chance he can clean up his act by then? Can you have a serious discussion with him? Let him know his behavior is tearing you and your sister apart, and you're all each other has? Get him to make some changes so you can all be a family?
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Yea his own mother hasn't been able to get through to him and I know he realizes what its doing to me and my sister but he just doesn't care. He can't stand me just as much as I can't stand him. He won't say it but he has no problem expressing his feelings when he's got alcohol in him. Last time he told FI not to marry me and that I was going to hell. Its been almost a week since I've talked to my sister. It just upsets me that she always calls me crying and saying she is done with him and always says how she don't blame me for not liking him but yet she takes his side when I don't want him at my wedding.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker Visit LasVegas.Weddings.com
  • Yeah... screw this guy!
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    Valeriecruz82
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards