Not Invited.

nwwoodsybride · July 2013

So FI and his roommate/close friend are getting married a week apart. We invited them to our wedding and they invited him with no plus one. I was thinking they would just give me a separate invite but it's been over two weeks since he got his invitation. When they get married, we'll technically already be married, so I feel a bit hurt I'm not invited.

I am worried to ask about it; FI says he wouldn't go without me, but they are good friends. What gives? Should we just not go?

Simply Fated · July 2013

Fi could call them up and ask if it was an oversight. If it wasn't an oversight, then it's up to you guys.

allispain · July 2013

KindaSparkly said:

Call the couple and ask. If it wasn't a major brain fart, he can tell them he's not comfortable attending if his wife is not welcome and decline the invitation.

Co-signed. With emphasis on the the "wife" when he speaks with them.

mlg78 · July 2013

KindaSparkly said:

Call the couple and ask. If it wasn't a major brain fart, he can tell them he's not comfortable attending if his wife is not welcome and decline the invitation.

Agreed...your FI needs to call and state "wife".

AddieCake · July 2013

Happened to us before, too. Turns out the bride was just young and didn't know what she was doing. She thought she was to address the invitation to the person in the relationship she knew and that it was just a given that I was invited with him.

Majide · July 2013

AddieL73 said:

Happened to us before, too. Turns out the bride was just young and didn't know what she was doing. She thought she was to address the invitation to the person in the relationship she knew and that it was just a given that I was invited with him.

This is what I would think... I actually didn't know about all the invite etiquette until I came here... Shortly after I had sent out the invitations. There were only a few where we didn't write out the two names for each couple. And for those that we didn't, we simply didn't know the name of their S.O., or they don't have one. But I wouldn't be against anyone bringing a plus one. I guess I always assumed that everyone is always welcome to bring a plus one.

Fortunately, my guests are on the same page as me, and are bringing them like I assumed they would.

WinstonsGirl · July 2013

Yup, call him. My best friend (and my MOH) sent me an invite to her wedding (via e-mail) in which I was her MOH. No mention of DH. I called and said "DH is invited right??" She said of course, she just didn't have his e-mail and assumed I'd forward it on. Some people just don't have a lot of awareness when it comes to wedding invites. But I agree that he should emphasize wife.

annathy03 · July 2013

HoorayForSoup said:

nwwoodsybride said:

So FI and his roommate/close friend are getting married a week apart. We invited them to our wedding and they invited him with no plus one. I was thinking they would just give me a separate invite but it's been over two weeks since he got his invitation. When they get married, we'll technically already be married, so I feel a bit hurt I'm not invited.

I am worried to ask about it; FI says he wouldn't go without me, but they are good friends. What gives? Should we just not go?

What do you mean you'll "technically" already be married?

I agree with the PPs that your FI should call and ask the couple to clarify the invite. It may have just been an oversight or mistake.

She means they are engaged now but will be married by the time of their friends wedding since theirs is first. OP, have FI call and clarify, it was likely an oversight. If they truly meant to not include you then they're rude as hell, but my guess is they just figured you'd know you were invited together.

phira · July 2013

I agree with everyone else. Your fiance should call and ask for a clarification. Go into this with the mindset that it's almost certainly an oversight and that there were no ill intentions.

Not everyone comes to TK, and a lot of people these days DON'T know general etiquette when it comes to more serious stuff, like weddings. It's annoying, but just go into this assuming that they just didn't realize they were making a mistake, and that their intentions were good.

I'm not going to tell you that if you AREN'T invited that your fiance/husband should decline, but it sounds like he wants to decline if you're not invited, and if this were my relationship, I would decline (or make it clear to my partner that I would want him to decline).

silver0319 · July 2013

Take another look at the Response card. I received an invitation from a friend a few years ago that was only addressed to me, no mention of FI. I looked through the invitation a second time and realized that I had failed to notice on the response card that it said something about 2 seats being reserved for us.

wrigleyville · July 2013

Majide said:

AddieL73 said:

Happened to us before, too. Turns out the bride was just young and didn't know what she was doing. She thought she was to address the invitation to the person in the relationship she knew and that it was just a given that I was invited with him.

This is what I would think... I actually didn't know about all the invite etiquette until I came here... Shortly after I had sent out the invitations. There were only a few where we didn't write out the two names for each couple. And for those that we didn't, we simply didn't know the name of their S.O., or they don't have one. But I wouldn't be against anyone bringing a plus one. I guess I always assumed that everyone is always welcome to bring a plus one.

Fortunately, my guests are on the same page as me, and are bringing them like I assumed they would.

This isn't a good assumption. Look through the threads here and you'll see all kinds of panic attacks from brides because people are inviting extra people. It's a bad idea to assume you can bring someone because there might be limited space and/or a limited budget. It's always a good idea to check with the couple if you're with someone and they neglected to invite them.

If you don't know the SO's name, it's courteous to ask so you can invite them by name. If they aren't seeing anyone, then it's okay to put "and Guest" on the invitation.

nwwoodsybride · July 2013

Thanks. I really hope she just lost mine in the mail so this isn't awkward. FI said he'll ask his roommate and see. The evil passive aggressive part of me wants to bring up etiquette but if they didn't invite me in the first place going loses some of it's joy.

Majide · July 2013

Liatris2010 said:

Majide said:

AddieL73 said:

Happened to us before, too. Turns out the bride was just young and didn't know what she was doing. She thought she was to address the invitation to the person in the relationship she knew and that it was just a given that I was invited with him.

This is what I would think... I actually didn't know about all the invite etiquette until I came here... Shortly after I had sent out the invitations. There were only a few where we didn't write out the two names for each couple. And for those that we didn't, we simply didn't know the name of their S.O., or they don't have one. But I wouldn't be against anyone bringing a plus one. I guess I always assumed that everyone is always welcome to bring a plus one.

Fortunately, my guests are on the same page as me, and are bringing them like I assumed they would.
Looks like you need to spend more time here. Invitation etiquette tells us invitations are only for the people named on the invitation. Showing up with a plus one when the invitation was only addressed to you is rude and puts the host in a bad spot.

Yeah, I've been trying to read up on other things now, but didn't read about the invitation etiquette until it was too late.

I know our response cards have two blanks for names, and two sections to circle entree choices for the two different people, so I am hoping that it gets the point across that we are expecting two people. I guess it also seemed odd to write "[name here] and guest" on the outside envelope. We didn't have inside envelopes, so it just seemed strange to me.

Sandra · July 2013

As others said before. The best you can do is have FI call and ask. It could all be an oversight, a mistake, or simply thinking it's obvious you are invited as well. If not, then FI is free to decline letting them know why.

Not Invited.

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