marrying abroad with NO guests, then AHR

sassymcbride · July 2013

hello all, I'm new here and would appreciate your advice.
fiance and I are planning to marry abroad, just the two of us, travel a few weeks for honeymoon, then have a small simple party when we return. Just dinner and mingling. I can't figure out what AHR stands for but maybe "after honeymoon party" ?The party is primarily for our parents, if it was up to me I probably wouldn't have one. What is this called? I know its not a wedding but I'm not sure what to call it.
What should this party look like? How formal or not should it be? Do I mail out invitations or just word of mouth? If i mail invitations, would it announce our marriage on the same paper? Can the party be buffet or does there have to be waiters to serve the dinner?

Thanks in advance!

Jen4948 · July 2013

AHR stands for "at home reception."

To be honest, what you propose probably won't be looked upon with smiles by too many posters here. I at least don't see any point in having a big party to celebrate something you don't want to invite people to. If it was something you couldn't invite others to, that might be a different story, but that's not what you're proposing here.

[Deleted User] · July 2013

I think this is fine. You're having a private ceremony. Just don't have any "firsts." No first dance, no announcement, etc. I wouldn't wear a wedding dress. A buffet is totally fine. Just make sure everyone knows you're married and this is a celebration of that. @CMgr is a master of wording things like this, but I'd send invites to the effect of "Groom's name and SassyMcBride invite you to join in the celebration of their marriage, which occurred on X date in X place." I think there's a way to incorporate that it was a private ceremony, but I don't know the wording.

Simply Fated · July 2013

AHR stands for At Home Reception.

I'm not a fan of them, but etiquette-wise they're fine. It can be as firmal or informal as you want. You can make it as close to a typical reception as you want. Ladies on here might tell you to leave out the wedding dress, cake cutting, and first dance, though.
It can buffet, sit-down or whatever. I suggest invitations or at least phone calls, if it's casual.

MayDay513 · July 2013

sassymcbride said:

hello all, I'm new here and would appreciate your advice.
fiance and I are planning to marry abroad, just the two of us, travel a few weeks for honeymoon, then have a small simple party when we return. Just dinner and mingling. I can't figure out what AHR stands for but maybe "after honeymoon party" ?The party is primarily for our parents, if it was up to me I probably wouldn't have one. What is this called? I know its not a wedding but I'm not sure what to call it.
What should this party look like? How formal or not should it be? Do I mail out invitations or just word of mouth? If i mail invitations, would it announce our marriage on the same paper? Can the party be buffet or does there have to be waiters to serve the dinner?

Thanks in advance!

I would skip it if you don't want it. No point in having a party you don't even want.

[Deleted User] · July 2013

Also, if you want to be super casual about it, you could just call people and say "hey, we're back from our trip, come over for a BBQ!" or something.

Do people know you're eloping? The only way I envision this hurting someone's feelings is if it's a total surprise.

sassymcbride · July 2013

Hi Jen4948, thanks for letting me know what AHR stands for, it was driving me crazy!

Anyhow, I'm not really looking for approval, I'm just saying that this is my plan so if anyone else has done it this way, I would appreciate their stories and input. If this isn't the appropriate board for that, please let me know. As I said earlier, this is my first post so I wasn't sure where this topic fit in.

Thanks again!

manateehugger · July 2013

I don't see anything wrong with at home receptions. It can be as formal or informal as you'd like it to be. I'd recommend mailed invitations - hopefully someone better in invitation wording etiquette than I will come along to help you out.

The basic rule to these parties is to leave the wedding reception activities out of it. So no "first dance," bouquet toss, etc. I think it's fine to give (very) brief toasts to each other and cut a cake, however. Basically, just have a nice party.

Honestly though, if you don't want the party, just tell your parents no.

[Deleted User] · July 2013

sassymcbride said:

Hi Jen4948, thanks for letting me know what AHR stands for, it was driving me crazy!

Anyhow, I'm not really looking for approval, I'm just saying that this is my plan so if anyone else has done it this way, I would appreciate their stories and input. If this isn't the appropriate board for that, please let me know. As I said earlier, this is my first post so I wasn't sure where this topic fit in.

Thanks again!

I think it's fine here, or you could post over at "Reception Ideas."

In reading your post, it sounds like you might want something more casual, which is totally fine. In fact, I think it's more appropriate. It doesn't have to be super formal, sit down dinner. It's not your wedding, it's a party. So plan as casual as you want!

NYCMercedes · July 2013

Have a wonderful party. Your parents can send out the invitations (I prefer printed) saying this is in honor of your private wedding on whatever date. Don't wear a wedding dress, but dress up as much as you want. You can have a cake cutting, but don't have a white wedding cake. You can do a spotlight dance, but don't call it a first dance. You can wear a corsage but don't carry a bouquet. You can serve anything, from just desserts to appetizers to a full plated or buffet meal. Have fun.

manateehugger · July 2013

LMc0322 said:

sassymcbride said:

Hi Jen4948, thanks for letting me know what AHR stands for, it was driving me crazy!

Anyhow, I'm not really looking for approval, I'm just saying that this is my plan so if anyone else has done it this way, I would appreciate their stories and input. If this isn't the appropriate board for that, please let me know. As I said earlier, this is my first post so I wasn't sure where this topic fit in.

Thanks again!

I think it's fine here, or you could post over at "Reception Ideas."

In reading your post, it sounds like you might want something more casual, which is totally fine. In fact, I think it's more appropriate. It doesn't have to be super formal, sit down dinner. It's not your wedding, it's a party. So plan as casual as you want!

I agree. An AHR is totally fine - there are just some basic rules you should follow to avoid looking silly.

A BBQ celebration sounds awesome. A 5 course meal in a ballroom sounds awesome. As long as you properly host your guests, have the party you'd like to have.

ROBINRENE5 · July 2013

sassymcbride said:

hello all, I'm new here and would appreciate your advice.
fiance and I are planning to marry abroad, just the two of us, travel a few weeks for honeymoon, then have a small simple party when we return. Just dinner and mingling. I can't figure out what AHR stands for but maybe "after honeymoon party" ?The party is primarily for our parents, if it was up to me I probably wouldn't have one. What is this called? I know its not a wedding but I'm not sure what to call it.
What should this party look like? How formal or not should it be? Do I mail out invitations or just word of mouth? If i mail invitations, would it announce our marriage on the same paper? Can the party be buffet or does there have to be waiters to serve the dinner?

Thanks in advance!

Your AHR can look like whatever you would like! I was married in the Bahamas with very few people in attendance, and had a party when we got back home for others who could not make it. We served burgers and chicken, drank beer, and played yard games. It was super casual. If you want something more formal, go for it! Send out invitations if you would like - although I am no help with the proper wording for this!

WinstonsGirl · July 2013

We also had an AHR, after inviting the same people to the wedding. My Mom was crazy insistent and finally wore us down after several months of asking. It was actually nice to see the people who couldn't make the wedding. We did a backyard BBQ, burgers, salads, wine beer and pop and Hawaii themed cake pops. No dress, dancing, toasts, etc. It was more of an open house and people came and went as they pleased. I believe Mom worded the invites as a "Come meet the newly married couple" and sent out invites she printed on fancy paper from Staples.

It was actually really nice to sit around the backyard and chat with everyone. Another plus is that we had a lot of older relatives who couldn't make the Hawaii trip but were super excited to drive up for the weekend for a mini family reunion.

fre3doms · July 2013

My fiance and I are having a small family only wedding and then a party about a month later. Not exactly sure what we'll be calling it. It will not be at my house but at the reception hall within walking distance of my house. We will probably be calling it a party "In honor of the newlyweds." My parents are paying for it because they want to celebrate with others as well.

We are doing dessert only but might get some appetizers thrown into our package. Have not booked it yet so I am not totally sure. My mom will probably buy some pretty paper and type up an invitation similar to when we throw other parties.

misssunshine17 · July 2013

I think it's fine to have a party to celebrate your marriage, as long as it isn't a 'reception' in the sense of wearing a big white gown, first dances, cake cutting, etc. If I was your guest, I'd be down for free booze and hearing about your wedding.

PrimRoseMama · July 2013

So, I'm a little bit confused. Wouldn't it look like you couldn't be bothered to invite the guests to your special day, but you want them to show up for a party when you get back? I mean, yay for a casual BBQ to celebrate your return or whatever, but I don't understand having a reception if you don't want one. I'm serious and not snarking.

If you wanted to elope then that is your party and that's it, I thought? Especially if people feel obligated or awkward about the whole gift situation. Your parents are hosting then I guess you can ask them to keep it very very simple and informal.

I just don't understand this because it is kind of a slap in the face to anyone you would invite, right?

daveANDkristen · July 2013

PrimRoseMama said:

So, I'm a little bit confused. Wouldn't it look like you couldn't be bothered to invite the guests to your special day, but you want them to show up for a party when you get back? I mean, yay for a casual BBQ to celebrate your return or whatever, but I don't understand having a reception if you don't want one. I'm serious and not snarking.

If you wanted to elope then that is your party and that's it, I thought? Especially if people feel obligated or awkward about the whole gift situation. Your parents are hosting then I guess you can ask them to keep it very very simple and informal.

I just don't understand this because it is kind of a slap in the face to anyone you would invite, right?

How is this different from a PPD. At least in this scenario, OP is not lying about being previously married.

TerriHugg · July 2013

You can have a casual party celebrating the marriage. One of my cousins had a casual celebration for her marriage at a park after she and her husband eloped. As far as I know, no body had anything bad to say about it nor were they offended. In fact, many people said it was a great idea because it eliminates the pressure of having get very dressed up, bring gifts, spend a lot of money etc. as with a regular wedding receptions.

The couple just viewed the ceremony and union as a very private and intimate moment and I tend to agree with them. I tend find the vows and ceremony an extremely vulnerable and intimate time that does not need to be shared with outside people. So I was in complete support of their decision to elope and then have a wedding celebrating the marriage. It was a good time for everyone.

I had a destination wedding in the Bahamas and had several guests (both who intended and who couldn't attend) asked us to have an AHR because they wanted to feel a part of something and celebrate with us. But we chose not to do so.

PrimRoseMama · July 2013

daveANDkristen said:

PrimRoseMama said:

So, I'm a little bit confused. Wouldn't it look like you couldn't be bothered to invite the guests to your special day, but you want them to show up for a party when you get back? I mean, yay for a casual BBQ to celebrate your return or whatever, but I don't understand having a reception if you don't want one. I'm serious and not snarking.

If you wanted to elope then that is your party and that's it, I thought? Especially if people feel obligated or awkward about the whole gift situation. Your parents are hosting then I guess you can ask them to keep it very very simple and informal.

I just don't understand this because it is kind of a slap in the face to anyone you would invite, right?
How is this different from a PPD. At least in this scenario, OP is not lying about being previously married.

That's true. I am not a fan of the PPD either. I'm curious about it is all.

marrying abroad with NO guests, then AHR

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