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Moms and Maids

Feeling Guilty..how to include mom more?

I'm planning my wedding long distance and because of that I line up meetings and such in advance when I'm able to take leave to go home.  I'm also the type of person who plans/does everything myself.  I recently found out from my dad that my mom feels left out of the planning process.  She helped me pick my dress and venue but most of the other things (flowers, DJ, invites, bridesmaid dresses) I've done on my own because of the fact that I'm several states away.  FYI, my mom is not technologically savvy and can't use Skype, facetime, etc.  I've tried thinking of ways to get her more involved with the planning because I really do value her opinion and I want her involved, but I haven't really been able to come up with many ideas.  I feel like there are only minute little details left to figure out but I want her to see that her opinion influenced something in my wedding.  I guess what I'm trying to ask is what kinds of things did you guys do/plan/delegate with your moms to keep them involved?

Re: Feeling Guilty..how to include mom more?

  • Can someone help her with email or something, so you can email her ideas?  Other than that you may need to resort to snail mail to share ideas.  Could you plan another trip home to shop for her dress and show her everything you've done?

    You could also ask to help address invitations and accept RSVPs for you.
  • Is she artistic?  Would she want to create your centerpieces or favors?



  • Is it possible that either you or she could travel to the other? You could work on invitations, decorations (flowers, centerpieces, etc), place cards, or ask her advice on ceremony/dinner music. If you feel like doing it on your own is easier, then maybe a simple phone call for advice and opinions before you do it would suffice. And of course, after you make the decisions, call her to update her on it. Good luck!
  • Ask her to make some suggestions for music and definitely take Krayn's advice on the favors.  You could send her a ribbon wand kit (look on Etsy) and have her assemble them and bring them to the wedding or send them to you.  Ask her to buy the bottles of bubbles (they are even at the Dollar Tree) and ask her to decorate them with the ribbons in your color.  Don't forget about snail mail. Can you send her pictures of your flowers and indicate that it is not too late to make changes (whether or not you want to, the florist won't let you make a mistake and we made changes "week of"). Did you ask her to look at some ideas for hair styles for you and the maids? Ask for a list of suggestions for maids gifts.  Basically, the list really goes on and on, just be creative.
  • One of the things my mom had the most fun doing - which is totally random - was putting together my day-of emergency kit. She went way overboard and got stuff for every possible scenario she could think of, but she then made a label for it that indicated it was to get passed on to my BM who was getting married and month later, and that she could then pass it to someone else, etc. etc. It was just a small thing, but it somehow made her feel like a crucial part of the day.

    That being said, my mom also was the liaison with the hotel about the block of rooms we reserved and with the transportation company, plus she put together the favors (little bags of chocolates). All of this from several states away.
  • doeydodoeydo Southwestern Ontario member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    Is she crafty/artsy? Maybe you could ask her to make something for you, so she feels likes she is helping.  Such as the a pillow for the ring bearer to carry with the rings on it, or something else like that.
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