Thank you card for bounced check - serious question

annerandcler · July 2013

What are you supposed to write in a thank you card for a gift that was a bounced check?

[Deleted User] · July 2013

There's a recent thread in here with this very question. But I think the consensus was: Don't write one. If you think they wouldn't know it bounced, you coudl give them a courtesy call. But they're likely very embarrassed about it, so I wouldn't remind them unless necessary.

swimmy1988 · July 2013

There's a thread with this exact same question from a couple weeks ago.
Might be helpful

http://forums.theknot.com/discussion/986753/thank-you-note-for-bounced-check#latest

annerandcler · July 2013

Thank you ladies! Its a very delicate situation and I just feel weird not writing them a thank you note but I can see why it might be a little bit of "rubbing it in", which I do not want to do.

NOLAbridealmost · July 2013

Definitely not. A) You were not given a gift....the gift is the money, not the paper it's written on.

Holy awkward, Batman!

PickleJuiceSlurper · July 2013

I would still write them a Thank You card for coming to your wedding and celebrating with you, just don't mention the check or gift.

Sharpschruter22 · July 2013

PickleJuiceSlurper said:

I would still write them a Thank You card for coming to your wedding and celebrating with you, just don't mention the check or gift.

No no no! You do NOT write thank you cards to those attending your wedding that did not give a gift. The reception is the thank you for attending the wedding. To write a thank you if they did not give a gift is like throwing it in their face that they didn't give you a gift. It's fishing for a present and that is inappropriate.

PickleJuiceSlurper · July 2013

Whoops, well first time hearing that. My husbands side of the family aren't really "well off" so we didn't receive gifts from a few people.. We still wrote thank you notes for attending and celebrating our special day with us. I wouldn't consider it fishing for gifts, it's just being appreciative that they came to celebrate your marriage with you. Oh well. We didn't mind they didn't get us anything.

kerbohl · July 2013

I would still write a thank-you if someone showed up at my wedding. It's not gift-grabby - it's because I'm actually appreciative that they came to my wedding. Why are people so quick to assume that most of what a bride does is because she is gift-grabby? Goodness, it is a thank-you card for attending a wedding, that is all it is!

[Deleted User] · July 2013

I wrote thank you notes to everyone who attended my shower, gift or not. It wasn't a "normal" shower anyway, and since I hadn't seen a number of the people who showed up in a few years, I wanted to thank them for coming. I plan to do the same thing for the wedding. If they give us a gift, we will thank them specifically for the gift. If not, we will thank them for making it out to celebrate with us (since most of our guests are coming from OOT).

hordol · July 2013

kerbohl said:

I would still write a thank-you if someone showed up at my wedding. It's not gift-grabby - it's because I'm actually appreciative that they came to my wedding. Why are people so quick to assume that most of what a bride does is because she is gift-grabby? Goodness, it is a thank-you card for attending a wedding, that is all it is!

Yeah I have to agree with this. If someone isn't the type to bring a gift to a wedding, I highly doubt they are going to find a thank you note gift grabby as they seem a little oblivious to begin with.

*I am not speaking about people that truly can't give gifts for financial reasons, but more for the people that don't think to bring gifts to weddings.

**I am also not saying that people are required to bring gifts. Just saying that most people generally look at weddings as an occasion to give gifts. My husband never gave wedding gifts before he met me and I told him we had to--not because of financial reasons or because he is stingy, but because he is oblivious.

So that's what I mean, haha. If he received a thank you note for attending a wedding, he would think nothing of it.

ETA: That said, I did not send thank you notes to people who attended but didn't give a gift. I do agree that they are unnecessary in that situation, but they aren't horribly offensive like some seem to suggest.

And @kerbohl I love the way you phrased it. It is so ridiculous the way some people assume that the actions of a bride are because she is being gift grabby. Yes, I know there are some terrible brides out there but seriously, give people the benefit of the doubt. Reading into a thank you note too much to the point where you come to the conclusion that a thank you note is rude and gift grabby is absolutely absurd. Just my opinion.

annerandcler · July 2013

Thank you for all of your input. We ended up sending a thank you; I just felt really weird not to. They traveled over 5 hours and had to stay in a hotel; I am genuinely thankful for that. I am (obviously) sending thank you to other family members who they know, and I would hate for them to see a thank you card from us on someone's fridge or something or otherwise hear through word of mouth that we sent them out. I don't want them to think we resent them for what happened; we honestly don't (actually we feel badly that they tried to even give us a gift if they are having financial problems).

Thank you card for bounced check - serious question

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