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Wedding Etiquette Forum

Fiance's friend and gf broke up - STD went to both - now what?

Hi Brides!
I'm hoping you can help me - we're putting our invites together and I've been worrying about something. A good friend of my fiance had been dating his girlfriend for several years and moved in with her. We live close by and gotten to know them both well. We had sent them a STD addressed to both of them by name. Unfortunately they recently broke up and he moved out. Very shortly after he started dating and moved in with another woman. I believe the ex gf may have started seeing someone also. This happened once before in their relationship and they got back together very quickly but I don't think that may be the case this time.

My concern is what to do about the former girlfriend...we still see her out and about frequently, have a good number of mutual friends (many of which are invited to the wedding), and I imagine our STD magnet may still be at her place/fridge. We're friendly but I've never hung out with her independently. My plan was to send the formal wedding invitation to fiance's friend "and guest" at his new address and leave it at that...but I worry I'm being rude since her name was on the Save the Date. Help! If they weren't both in new relationships I'd guess that I could have just sent an invite to each without guests and let them figure it out but that still would have felt a bit weird.

Honestly we are maxed out on our guest list, I know two more guests shouldn't break the bank but the budget is tight. I also worry about it being awkward for our fiance's friend/his ex gf/new gf/their mutual friends. I'm not sure what kind of terms they are on. Help! Obviously, if I'm being inconsiderate and should be inviting the former gf plus a guest we will just make it work financially. 

Thank you!

Re: Fiance's friend and gf broke up - STD went to both - now what?

  • I might get flamed for this, but I think you're OK with not inviting her. You invited her as your friend's GF, not as your own friend. I addressed the STDate to my MOH and her FI for that reason -- if they break up (again), he's not invited. He's essentially invited as her "plus-one," because we wouldn't invite him otherwise. 

    If you don't socialise with her other than through your friend, I think you're OK to not invite her. Even if you did, she might not come anyway.
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  • itzMSitzMS member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    edited July 2013
    KJiras said:
    Hi Brides!
    I'm hoping you can help me - we're putting our invites together and I've been worrying about something. A good friend of my fiance had been dating his girlfriend for several years and moved in with her. We live close by and gotten to know them both well. We had sent them a STD addressed to both of them by name. Unfortunately they recently broke up and he moved out. Very shortly after he started dating and moved in with another woman. I believe the ex gf may have started seeing someone also. This happened once before in their relationship and they got back together very quickly but I don't think that may be the case this time.

    My concern is what to do about the former girlfriend...we still see her out and about frequently, have a good number of mutual friends (many of which are invited to the wedding), and I imagine our STD magnet may still be at her place/fridge. We're friendly but I've never hung out with her independently. My plan was to send the formal wedding invitation to fiance's friend "and guest" at his new address and leave it at that...but I worry I'm being rude since her name was on the Save the Date. Help! If they weren't both in new relationships I'd guess that I could have just sent an invite to each without guests and let them figure it out but that still would have felt a bit weird.

    Honestly we are maxed out on our guest list, I know two more guests shouldn't break the bank but the budget is tight. I also worry about it being awkward for our fiance's friend/his ex gf/new gf/their mutual friends. I'm not sure what kind of terms they are on. Help! Obviously, if I'm being inconsiderate and should be inviting the former gf plus a guest we will just make it work financially. 

    Thank you!

    This exact scenario happened to us after STDs went out.

    We sent separate invites to each member of the ex-couple and invited them each with a guest (DH was equal friends with both the guy and the girl). They worked it out themselves, and the guy ended up declining. The girl attended with a date. You don't need to worry about any "awkwardness" that may be between them.

    It seems like you and your FI know the girl well enough to send her an invitation.

    It will be fine.

  • Honestly, if FI and I broke up tomorrow, and I got an invite for his friend's wedding that we already got a STD to, I'd be really uncomfortable.  Honestly, I'd think they just didn't know we broke up. I'd never go. But this is not an etiquette-based answer, so I am useless.
  • It sounds like you're friendly with the former girlfriend, but not really friends?  Would you hang out with this girl on your own?  If she considers you a friend she might be hurt by not receiving an invitation, but if you are primarily friends with the ex-bf then I think you are fine from an E standpoint.  If you don't invite her, and she is upset, will you worry about your friendship with this girl?
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited July 2013
    Well, if you could fit in both the friend and his ex with plus ones for each, I'd say do that, but if that's not the case, I'd invite whichever you are closest to with a plus one.
  • KJirasKJiras member
    Eighth Anniversary 10 Comments Name Dropper 5 Love Its
    Honestly I'm just truly worried about hurting feelings! I would never want to be a bridezilla or an inconsiderate host....and I'd never, ever want to put her in a weird position getting an invite to her ex bfs friends wedding if that would make her feel like I wasn't fully aware of their relationship situation. 
  • KJirasKJiras member
    Eighth Anniversary 10 Comments Name Dropper 5 Love Its
    @daveANDkristen that is exactly it - friendly but I wouldn't hang out with her on my own, not for any bad reason just that we never have - Just by nature of my personality I think I'd feel bad if anyone thought I hurt their feelings!

  • KJiras said:
    Honestly I'm just truly worried about hurting feelings! I would never want to be a bridezilla or an inconsiderate host....and I'd never, ever want to put her in a weird position getting an invite to her ex bfs friends wedding if that would make her feel like I wasn't fully aware of their relationship situation. 
    Kudos to you for being concerned about her feelings!  If it just isn't possible to fit her and a guest in, can you talk to her about it and work out something with her that would at least to some degree "make up for" not being able to invite her?  When there are breakups, a lot of times the breaking up couple does understand that it isn't possible to accommodate both with plus ones for each.
  • If you wouldn't hang out with her on your own, don't invite her. I think most people know they are no longer invited to these things if they were just part of the package of the actual friend. 




    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  •  If I got a STD for a wedding for say my husband's best friend and we got divorced (god forbid) before the wedding, I would automatically assume that I am no longer invited, just hubby because it's his friend and the only reason I was invited because of being the wife.

     

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