This isn't technically wedding related, but it kind of spins off of missing weddings for family members. I come from a family that expects you to be there for specific occasions (birthdays, Christmas, weddings, etc.). If you can't make it to an event the guilt is overwhelming. Until recently my FI and I just went so that we could keep the peace. Unfortunately, many of the events require travel and plane flights, particularly now that my sister has moved even farther away. Our financial situation isn't ideal and we've started trying to skip some of these occasions. Of course, this leads to comments on the part of my family. They aren't really asking much, only 3-4 visits a year, and my parents have even offered to pay for our plane tickets this year for the holidays. It's very generous and we feel horrible declining, but the other problem is the stress that surrounds these events. The tension can be overwhelming and we often don't have a good time while we're there.
Visiting this forum is the first time I've heard people say "You can't dictate how people spend their money. If they can't come to your wedding there's nothing you can do." This is as far from the perspective of my family as possible. So my question is, how do my FI and I begin declining some of these events without hurting people's feelings and creating even more tension. I don't want to make already strained relationships worse, but we just can't keep going to every event.