How to accomodate my officiant

Lilowangatang · July 2013

My friend is going to officiate our wedding, which doesn't start until evening time. My bridesmaids can't make it into town until Friday night. We have a saturday evening wedding, so I planned to do a rehearsal on Saturday morning with the thought of doing hair and makeup after that. What is my officiant friend supposed to do during that time? Is she supposed to hang with us (in which case, am I supposed to pay for her hair and makeup too? I already bought her a necklace)? Is she supposed to go home and come back later (she lives 45 minutes away from the venue)? Do I tell her she doesn't have to be there during the rehearsal? I am having rehearsal dinner on Friday night- should I just run through the rehearsal with her then (even though we'll be at a restaurant and not the venue itself)? My wedding is in less than 2 months, so advice appreciated!

vanityink · July 2013

Are you serving lunch to you WP while hair/makeup happens? If so, I would at least invite the officiant to eat with you and hang out if she's interested (if not, when are you all going to eat before the ceremony? We had this problem in a wedding I was just in this month where hair/makeup started at 10am for a 4pm ceremony, and no one had thought of how any of us were going to eat until dinner at 6pm...we had to send someone to go get food quickly at the last minute so we weren't all STARVING).

[Deleted User] · July 2013

You don't really need your BM present for rehersal. All they really do is walk down the isle, stand there looking pretty (unless you have other plans for them) so you can fill them in real quick Saturday morning while getting hair & makeup done on anything they need to know.

I vote if officiant is available Friday night, go ahead & do it then because IMO the rehersal is more for the bride and groom so they know what they are suppose to do & say during the service.

CheleLyn · July 2013

If your officiant is your friend, is there any reason why she can't hang out with you while you're getting ready for the ceremony?

wrigleyville · July 2013

I would say do the rehearsal Friday night since the WP doesn't really have to be there (everyone knows how to walk). As Erikan73 said, it's mostly for the officiant to run through the ceremony with the bride and groom.

If your officiant/friend wants to hang out and ooh and ahh over makeup while having brunch with you guys, then you could do it Saturday morning.

Since the officiant is the focus of the rehearsal, I'd ask her what she prefers and then just go from there.

AJuliaNJ · July 2013

What do you need to rehearse most? is your ceremony a simple one where you are mostly repeating after your officiant or do you need to practice more involved rituals? Are your WP and parents confident on how they walk in and how they stand?

if you just need to practice the walking in and out part and not the ceremony, I'd leave the officiant out and do it prior to getting ready. if she needs to be there, my vote is Saturday, but later in the day so she doesnt have to just hang around all day. That seems like a lot to ask.

Our WP and parents were more concerned about rehearsing than I was. We did ours 12pm the day of the wedding. We were midway through getting ready so some of us came down in curlers. My hair stylist waited in the room, but my MUA was on a tighter schedule so one bridesmaid stayed behind and we caught her up.

We didn't rehearse with the officiant. We rehearsed with our planner's assistant and the venue coordinator, but our ceremony was simple.

Lilowangatang · July 2013

Thanks girls for all the input. So to answer everything....I am getting jimmy johns sandwich platters for the day of so people can just munch whenever they're hungry or free in all the chaos of that day. And the problem with what we're doing is that we're making our bridal party "dance in" instead of walking in- the dudes to air force one, and the gals to wannabe by the spice girls. So they actually have to practice that. I was thinking of maybe then doing something private before the rehearsal dinner with just my officiant friend so we could run through the ceremony real quick since we're both not religious, don't know what to expect, and wrote our own vows. I hesitated on offering her the opportunity to hang out with us, because she won't know anyone but me since all my BMs are my friends from before, and I don't want her to feel left out because I also didn't order her hair and makeup service (I only did that for the BMs and the mom)

QueerFemme · July 2013

Lilowangatang said:

Thanks girls for all the input. So to answer everything....I am getting jimmy johns sandwich platters for the day of so people can just munch whenever they're hungry or free in all the chaos of that day. And the problem with what we're doing is that we're making our bridal party "dance in" instead of walking in- the dudes to air force one, and the gals to wannabe by the spice girls. So they actually have to practice that. I was thinking of maybe then doing something private before the rehearsal dinner with just my officiant friend so we could run through the ceremony real quick since we're both not religious, don't know what to expect, and wrote our own vows. I hesitated on offering her the opportunity to hang out with us, because she won't know anyone but me since all my BMs are my friends from before, and I don't want her to feel left out because I also didn't order her hair and makeup service (I only did that for the BMs and the mom)

ugh... I promise you... rehearsed or not, this will look awkward and not nearly as cute as you think it will look in your head.

thejucheidea · July 2013

Lilowangatang said:

Thanks girls for all the input. So to answer everything....I am getting jimmy johns sandwich platters for the day of so people can just munch whenever they're hungry or free in all the chaos of that day. And the problem with what we're doing is that we're making our bridal party "dance in" instead of walking in- the dudes to air force one, and the gals to wannabe by the spice girls. So they actually have to practice that.

Oh god why WHY

BMoreBride6 · July 2013

didn't you post this exact thing earlier this week?

BMoreBride6 · July 2013

Lilowangatang said:

Thanks girls for all the input. So to answer everything....I am getting jimmy johns sandwich platters for the day of so people can just munch whenever they're hungry or free in all the chaos of that day. And the problem with what we're doing is that we're making our bridal party "dance in" instead of walking in- the dudes to air force one, and the gals to wannabe by the spice girls. So they actually have to practice that. I was thinking of maybe then doing something private before the rehearsal dinner with just my officiant friend so we could run through the ceremony real quick since we're both not religious, don't know what to expect, and wrote our own vows. I hesitated on offering her the opportunity to hang out with us, because she won't know anyone but me since all my BMs are my friends from before, and I don't want her to feel left out because I also didn't order her hair and makeup service (I only did that for the BMs and the mom)

I feel like if you have to describe it as "making them do" something...they shouldn't do it.

Lilowangatang · July 2013

No? not a good idea? we wanted it to be a funny ceremony.

jessicabessica · July 2013

Lilowangatang said:

No? not a good idea? we wanted it to be a funny ceremony.

If you insist on a funny ceremony, make it at your own expense, not at the expense of your nearest and dearest, who you are forcing to dance down the aisle. Also, your guests might find this sort of thing forced and awkward. I think subtlety is best when you're trying to add humor into your ceremony.

QueerFemme · July 2013

Lilowangatang said:

No? not a good idea? we wanted it to be a funny ceremony.

Funny is one thing. You can share random stories, or save the funny for your reception. Making your wedding party dance down the aisle is just ridiculous, and not funny. It will be awkward

wrigleyville · July 2013

I cannot begin to tell you how much I abhor "funny" weddings, especially if dancing is involved. Half of the WP looks like they'd rather die, and it's incredibly awkward.

The "mawwiage" thing is overplayed too, and I actually really love that movie. I'm just sick of seeing it at every wedding in my nerd circle.

I know. I'm no fun.

Sorry.

tesskerr · July 2013

I would throw a tantrum if I had to dance like that in front of all those people.

RebeccaB88 · July 2013

No dancing. Please.

How to accomodate my officiant

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