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Bridesmaid can't come to wedding anymore

jolene118jolene118 member
First Comment First Anniversary
in Moms and Maids
Long story short, we had to get a new venue and change the date from Saturday to Sunday. Unfortunately, one of my maids will now not be able to make it because she had already booked a flight out of town for school related things for tat day. I feel terrible, but now I don't know what to do. Should I ask someone else to take her place? I don't have a ton of female friends that I could even consider asking, but there are two girls I have become friends with more recently, so I was not sure if considering the situation it would be okay to ask one of them. I really don't think it is a super huge deal...my fiance will have 2 more guys on his side than I will, but it's not the end of the world. We already had my shower, so they don't have to worry about that. I guess I was considering it more for "looks" (even though it's not a huge deal) and to help my former maid out by finding someone to buy the dress (even though it was only $80). When we first got engaged, I was not really friends with either of these girls, but now a year later we are better friends, but I am very far into the wedding planning process (> a month away). Any thoughts?


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Re: Bridesmaid can't come to wedding anymore

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    wittykitty14wittykitty14 member
    First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    I'm sorry you friend can't make it.  One of our GMs had to back out too.  He had a really great job opportunity that he couldn't pass up, which required him to move pretty far away.  He can't make it back up for the wedding.  It's a bummer, but I'm glad you're not holding it against your friend!

    Don't replace her.  Anyone you ask to "fill in" may feel like they're just a space filler, and your friend might be hurt that she's been replaced.  Like you said, it's perfectly ok to have uneven sides!  You want to involve your new friends-can you ask them to do a reading or something?
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    MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    I'm sorry that your friend is going to miss your wedding. Don't replace her. Uneven sides are fine. Your friend could sell her dress on ebay if she can't use it.
                       
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    Grabows14Grabows14 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment Name Dropper
    I agree with PPs, don't replace her..
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    jlm9113jlm9113 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper First Comment
    No.  Don't replace her.

    I have a BM who's starting college this fall and has class the day after the wedding (which we didn't think she would because of the holiday) at a school across the country.  It royally sucks that she can't be there.  But I asked her to stand up next to me because SHE'S special to me.  She's not replaceable.  So I just have one less person on my side.  No biggie.
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    AddieCakeAddieCake member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    It's a shame she will have to miss it, and I'm sure you're both sad about that. Don't replace her. It's not nice to her or the stand-in, and uneven sides don't matter. 


    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    jolene118jolene118 member
    First Comment First Anniversary
    thanks for the input :) I won't be replacing her!
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    Blue_BirdBlue_Bird member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    I agree with everyone else, and am glad you won't replace her. I'd like to add that it would be a nice gesture to reimburse her for the gown since it isn't her fault the date was changed and she can no longer make it.
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    PrimRoseMamaPrimRoseMama member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary First Comment
    Did she pay for her dress and shoes? If so I might offer to reimburse her the expense of these items. Its not that she can't attend because of her own circumstances, but that the date was switched and that is on you, unfortunately. You may consider this because most bridesmaid dresses are not cheap. 

    I would not replace her at all. This may make it look like she is just a warm body to stand there decorated. Just deal with the imbalance. In the end there is not one guest that will really care. You can arrange the bridal party for pictures accordingly. 

    It stinks but alas, life gets in the way. I hope you have a great wedding. 
    ~* Matron of Honor *~

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    jolene118jolene118 member
    First Comment First Anniversary
    I did offer to reimburse her for the gown, but she said she would keep it because she liked it and might actually wear it again (!). It's not a traditional bridesmaid dress and was from modcloth.com, so it was not as expensive as typical dresses either. She said she would consider reselling it on eBay or something too if it came down to it.
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    AliceBarakAliceBarak member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited July 2013
    This happened to a friend of mine. We were both in the wedding, and she was very upset that she was a “replacement” bridesmaid, but didn’t feel like she could say no. I can honestly say that it hurt her feelings. 
    So if you are going to ask your new friend to be your bridesmaid tell them the truth and wait for their response.

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    KeptInStitchesKeptInStitches member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    @AliceBarak, were you and I in the same wedding? I was a replacement bridesmaid and it sucked. I would have been really happy to be a guest at her wedding, but I didn't want to ... well, I for sure didn't want to know that I wasn't good enough to make the cut the first time around. (She told me I was the replacement 3-4 months after I said I would do it. Yeah, she asked ridiculously early, too.)
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    kmmssgkmmssg mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    You know, a BM doesn't have to be there to be a BM.  List her in your program, send her her bouquet early to let her know you are thinking of her, and you can just mention she couldn't be with you today.
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