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A lot of declines & guest list issues?

sonthirathbsonthirathb
First Anniversary Name Dropper 5 Love Its First Comment
in Wedding Woes
I just wanted to vent a little and see if any other bride to be has a lot of declines and guest list issues.  We invited 375 people knowing I had the budget for 320.  The extra people were all of my parents guests who agreed to pay the extra if I had gone over the 320 guests.  Wedding is next month on Aug31st and we have 62 declines and I anticipate more.  We have 225 accepted and still 87 people left to RSVP.  I hope we at least have 300 people or all this money spent would seem like a waste.

I guess I am finding out who really is my friend.  It is a little depressing since there are certain family members and friends who I thought for sure would attend.  One girl said she was going out of town for work the week before.  Apparently it is cheaper for her boss to fly her back home on the Saturday of the wedding. Plus it would cost money to switch flights.  If the roles were reversed I would have paid anything extra to be there for her special day.  Another girl said she had no plans for that day and would get back to me.  WTF?  You have no plans. If you wanted to attend the wedding you would make that your plan. She said she would send her love with her parents who will be attending.   Another girlfriend said she is not sure yet b/c her dad is having eye surgery.  I have no clue what that means.  Is her father having the surgery on that Saturday?  She has a big family and out of all her family members she would be the last person to take care of him. I just said "oh ok that is too bad." to everyone.  What else are u supposed to say?  Two co workers just sent the reply back with a decline.  They just apologized that they could not make it.  They didn't offer a reason why and I get they really don't have to tell me.  I am figuring out these relationships meant more to me then vice versa.  

To top it off I had 8 relatives that live out of province decline.  They were just here in March for my uncle's funeral and said how they were looking forward to the wedding.  Now they have all declined b/c 4 of them will be on vacation in France.  Why would they book the vacation during the wedding?  The other 4 people in the same city declined simply stating b/c the others could not make it they were not coming.  My mother is upset and hurt since they are from her side and we have all made the trip to weddings there. They made an effort to say that they will mail me a cheque.  Seriously?  I don't care about the gifts or money.  I wanted the people who I thought I was close with to be present on one of the best days of my life.  Just typing this out makes me fee selfish but I can't help but feel down.

Anyone else feeling a little bummed?
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Re: A lot of declines & guest list issues?

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    NYCMercedesNYCMercedes member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    sonthirathb said:
    I just wanted to vent a little and see if any other bride to be has a lot of declines and guest list issues.  We invited 375 people knowing I had the budget for 320.  The extra people were all of my parents guests who agreed to pay the extra if I had gone over the 320 guests.  Wedding is next month on Aug31st and we have 62 declines and I anticipate more.  We have 225 accepted and still 87 people left to RSVP.  I hope we at least have 300 people or all this money spent would seem like a waste.

    I guess I am finding out who really is my friend.  It is a little depressing since there are certain family members and friends who I thought for sure would attend.  One girl said she was going out of town for work the week before.  Apparently it is cheaper for her boss to fly her back home on the Saturday of the wedding. Plus it would cost money to switch flights.  If the roles were reversed I would have paid anything extra to be there for her special day.  Another girl said she had no plans for that day and would get back to me.  WTF?  You have no plans. If you wanted to attend the wedding you would make that your plan. She said she would send her love with her parents who will be attending.   Another girlfriend said she is not sure yet b/c her dad is having eye surgery.  I have no clue what that means.  Is her father having the surgery on that Saturday?  She has a big family and out of all her family members she would be the last person to take care of him. I just said "oh ok that is too bad." to everyone.  What else are u supposed to say?  Two co workers just sent the reply back with a decline.  They just apologized that they could not make it.  They didn't offer a reason why and I get they really don't have to tell me.  I am figuring out these relationships meant more to me then vice versa.  

    To top it off I had 8 relatives that live out of province decline.  They were just here in March for my uncle's funeral and said how they were looking forward to the wedding.  Now they have all declined b/c 4 of them will be on vacation in France.  Why would they book the vacation during the wedding?  The other 4 people in the same city declined simply stating b/c the others could not make it they were not coming.  My mother is upset and hurt since they are from her side and we have all made the trip to weddings there. They made an effort to say that they will mail me a cheque.  Seriously?  I don't care about the gifts or money.  I wanted the people who I thought I was close with to be present on one of the best days of my life.  Just typing this out makes me fee selfish but I can't help but feel down.

    Anyone else feeling a little bummed?

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    fmbyofmbyo member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    Eh, people can't come for different reasons - and the truth is you don't know and aren't in the place to judge the validity of those decisions. Be thrilled so many people are coming, and enjoy your day with those people.
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    sonthirathbsonthirathb
    First Anniversary Name Dropper 5 Love Its First Comment
    scribe95 said:

    You are making a lot of judgments here that are pretty terrible. Some of the examples you gave are perfectly legitimate reasons not to attend your wedding but you are acting like the people are crazy. Work, surgeries, vacation are a part of life and you should back off and stop being such a harpy. Focus on the HUNDREDS of  people who are attending.

    Also, what does it matter if you get to 300 or not? The money spent mostly is per person so you aren't "wasting " any money.

    Thanks for the insight and you're right.  I needed a wake up call.  I think I already knew that feeling this way was selfish and is why I vented here and not to anyone in person.  I am sure would have come across as a bridezilla.  "Booo hoo so many people declined.  No one loves me" mentality really stinks!
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    mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
    It's OK to be bummed that people you want at your wedding cannot make it.  But you lost me once you started judging them for their reasons to not be there. 

    Vacations, surgeries, work trips, etc all trump weddings.  It's not up to you to determine how people spend their time or money.  It's a wedding invitation, not a subpoena.
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    sonthirathbsonthirathb
    First Anniversary Name Dropper 5 Love Its First Comment
    mrs.conn23 said:
    It's OK to be bummed that people you want at your wedding cannot make it.  But you lost me once you started judging them for their reasons to not be there. 

    Vacations, surgeries, work trips, etc all trump weddings.  It's not up to you to determine how people spend their time or money.  It's a wedding invitation, not a subpoena.
    You're right.  Am I wrong to be judging people like that?  For sure.  Maybe I need to evaluate myself and my character.  If situations were reversed I feel like I would have done whatever I could to attend a close friend/relatives wedding even in those same situations. If I could not attend I would have felt horrible and made an effort to show it.   I am just disappointed.
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    MNNEBrideMNNEBride member
    First Comment 5 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    I agree with PP.  There were also a bunch of "NO" RSVPs that came back right way when we sent our invites.  As we neared our deadline, we got many more "YES"s than "NO"s. 
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    MissMollyMissMolly member
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    Hey there,

    Yeah, I do understand where you're coming from, and am there as well. We invited 255-ish people, and when we first started getting declines, it was disappointing. But then, I realized that people also have lives, and I don't expect them to drop their other plans just for my wedding. Also, a good chunk of my family lives one province over from me in Canada, they are farmers, and the wedding is at the beginning of August. Also, I have 2 other cousins getting married: 1 is the week after ours, the other is 3 weeks after ours. So, it's a busy summer for the one side of my family, and I totally get that not everyone can make it to all 3 weddings; they need to pick and choose. Yep, it's disappointing, but they've been sending their best wishes.
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    hmonkeyhmonkey member
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    What they want to do with their time and money > you want them to do with their time and money
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    6fsn6fsn member
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    I'm a little stuck on waiting the people closest to you there.  All 375 of them.
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    sonthirathbsonthirathb
    First Anniversary Name Dropper 5 Love Its First Comment
    6fsn said:
    I'm a little stuck on waiting the people closest to you there.  All 375 of them.
    Sorry I was not very clear.  I did not want to write a novel haha.  I would say if I had a wedding with only our closest people it would be for 100.  Out of that 100 people I would say 15 of those people have already declined for the reasons in OP. 

    However there are some people who accepted the invite and will be attending that really surprised me.  They have also offered to help.  I had my vent as a pp pointed out and now I am over it already.  I have so much to be grateful for and will enjoy the day with the people who will be attending.  
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    hmonkeyhmonkey member
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    and screw those other people; they are dead to you now! let all your subjects know: attend the wedding or be prepared to reap the whirlwind.
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    sonthirathbsonthirathb
    First Anniversary Name Dropper 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited July 2013

    hmonkey said:
    and screw those other people; they are dead to you now! let all your subjects know: attend the wedding or be prepared to reap the whirlwind.
    Ouch. I get it I am a selfish bridezilla. I really really am over it.  Everyone can have a moment of not seeing the big picture?

    I'm sorry for having selfish thoughts.  I really really am!
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    MajideMajide member
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    So far, we have two or three declines.  Some were sent to families, and only one person is coming from the family, and that's understandable.  I'm getting worried because we originally estimated 50, invited about 70, and now it looks like there may be 30 people!  Not because of the declines, but because some of the people we thought might come, are not.  And others we haven't heard from, but they live out of state, and probably won't come anyway.

    The best man's parents were invited - they are also the grandparents of our flower girl and ring bearer - and they declined.  No reason, no note on the response card. 

    I'm trying to keep upbeat about the guest number dropping.  At least we will be able to save some money :D

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    kryan32kryan32 member
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    OP - I think it's normal to feel dissapointed and need to vent and that you did a good job of doing it here rather than in "real life."  And you've said several times now that it was just a vent and you're over it and grateful for everyone who is coming and the help they're offering.

    I think it's a great attitude to have and that you're doing just fine.  Weddings are emotional and the closer you get to your big day, the harder it gets to see the big picture - that's why it's great to have a place to let off some steam until you come back to reality.  :)

    I also think you would benefit from a non-wedding-planning date night with FI - we all forget to relax and give ourselves a break from all the planning, diy projects, family politics, etc that come along with a wedding.  Give yourself a day or an evening off and go do something fun!

    HTH!

     

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    sonthirathbsonthirathb
    First Anniversary Name Dropper 5 Love Its First Comment
    Majide said:

    So far, we have two or three declines.  Some were sent to families, and only one person is coming from the family, and that's understandable.  I'm getting worried because we originally estimated 50, invited about 70, and now it looks like there may be 30 people!  Not because of the declines, but because some of the people we thought might come, are not.  And others we haven't heard from, but they live out of state, and probably won't come anyway.

    The best man's parents were invited - they are also the grandparents of our flower girl and ring bearer - and they declined.  No reason, no note on the response card. 

    I'm trying to keep upbeat about the guest number dropping.  At least we will be able to save some money :D

    You have a great attitude!
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    sonthirathbsonthirathb
    First Anniversary Name Dropper 5 Love Its First Comment

    kryan32 said:

    OP - I think it's normal to feel dissapointed and need to vent and that you did a good job of doing it here rather than in "real life."  And you've said several times now that it was just a vent and you're over it and grateful for everyone who is coming and the help they're offering.

    I think it's a great attitude to have and that you're doing just fine.  Weddings are emotional and the closer you get to your big day, the harder it gets to see the big picture - that's why it's great to have a place to let off some steam until you come back to reality.  :)

    I also think you would benefit from a non-wedding-planning date night with FI - we all forget to relax and give ourselves a break from all the planning, diy projects, family politics, etc that come along with a wedding.  Give yourself a day or an evening off and go do something fun!

    HTH!

    Thanks for the kind words!  It is so easy to lose focus and forget about the big picture when you have all these little details to deal with on a daily basis.  In the end it is about me marrying my best friend.

    Also, thanks for the idea of date night that is non wedding related.  We need that!
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    msdds51msdds51 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    Way to take your bridezilla moment and turn it around and be understanding of your situation.  I hope your FI can appreciate that you listen and respond well to criticism.  Lord knows, I have issues with that sometimes!
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    KEMcCayKEMcCay member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    I'm just amazed that you know that many people, and you want them to all be part of such an important day! That right there should make you feel really loved.
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    krose83013krose83013
    First Comment First Anniversary
    Congrats on the wedding, we are getting married the same day!

    We invited 258, so far we are missing 30 RSVP's but most of these we've had verbal Yes's. We have about 180 that we are expecting right now, that's assuming everyone we are missing RSVP's for actually comes.

    Excuses ranged from them they just aren't sure on who they are bringing. Others it's a yes, but H may not make it so they wanted to wait just a little longer to tell me so that if H can't come we aren't paying for an extra person. Extended family says there is another wedding that day, or my kid has a football game, etc. I could really care a less about the excuses. The people that really want to be there will be there. I wouldn't stress about it, it's not worth it.
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    Cheetah2BCheetah2B member
    First Comment First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited August 2013
    I have about 55 or so immediate family members. Well, if you go from my mammaw and papaw and their siblings down. She has 11 siblings, papaw had 9. Count them, that's 23. They had 6 kids. Every single one of those 8 have 2-4 kids( my direct line/first cousins). Plus, I have a first cousin who is 11, the oldest being 47. Then all but about 6 of us have kids(and I have 20 exact first cousins lol.). And then my oldest cousin has 2, the other has 4, then I have 1, brother has 2, couple other cousins have 1-3.

    Then throw in our friends off our guest list. Friends we talk to all the time, there's about 50 for both of us. So there's a MINIMUM of 100.

    Add in my coworkers/boss, that's 6. On moms side I have about 30 ish remaining family members period. But I'm close to both aides.

    This doesn't include FHs family on both sides. Mom is youngest of 4, dad is middle of 8. They all have 3+ kids, except one aunt has one kid. Plus I'm the oldest of 4 and fh is oldest of 5.

    So I can see how that would stack up really quick lol. And that's just estimates. My mammaw says for her immediate family, she buys for 71 people. That's just her siblings(not their kids), and then all of us that "came from" her.

    Lord I didn't even think of friends kids. Ah crap lol.

    If we were to invite them all(and we aren't, were doing announcements afterward-how my family does things), I'd cry every single time a decline came in. No joke.
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