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Can't get Bridesmaids to participate ..

[Deleted User][Deleted User] member
First Comment First Anniversary
in Wedding Party
I have 3 bridesmaids and my sister is my Maid of Honor. One of them when I asked told me up front, that since she lives around 5 hours away, she wouldn't be able to attend everything. No worries! I'm totally fine with that. The other two though, have rather ignored things my sister has been trying to do to get them all together to generally meet and talk about wedding stuff. She planned a fun night where we play with our hair at a salon, have drinks, ask tips and questions.. all free. Neither showed. (Still knowing my one wouldn't) Ok.. my sis emails them about starting to plan the bachelorette stuff... no response. She plans a MaryKay party so her and my mom plus the grooms mom can all meet and get to know each other. Dates get kicked around, no real input and .. no one shows. One claims to not have seen the final date.. even though she did actually comment with smiley faces in the thread.
We are having dresses made and I need their measurements. My long distance maid gets em to me the day after the text goes out. I measure my sis. Nothing from the others.. I text again after a week. I make it kinda cute and goofy. A few days go by and I get One response that she'll get them to me soon. 2 days and nothing.
Granted, we are all older, have families, and life gets crazy busy. I feel that if it were me, I would be there for my friend! She wanted me IN her wedding!
I'm bummed.. should I keep asking? Should I ask once more in a call and ask nicely if they would rather bow out and just Attend the wedding instead of be IN it?
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Re: Can't get Bridesmaids to participate ..

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    auriannaaurianna member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited July 2013
    The only thing a bridesmaid is required to do is get the dress, show up on time for the wedding, stand by you and smile for pictures.

    It would be really nice if the other bridesmaids were interested in bridesmaid get-togethers, and parties and such, but it's not required. I doubt they're trying to hurt you over this; some people just aren't as excited about weddings. No one is going to be as excited about your wedding as you and your fiance (but it's important to you two and that's great!).

    Please do NOT ask if they'd rather bow out. If they're asked that they might feel like you WANT them to bow out and that is not a good way to make your friends feel. IF any of your bridesmaids decides they'd rather be a guest, leave it up to them to tell you.

    Now, the dress. Again, the only thing a BM needs to do is get the dress. As long as she gets the dress, wears it and shows up, she's fulfilled her only bridesmaid duties. But if she doesn't get the dress, then she's taken herself out of the party.

    I would stop telling them about the measurements. Instead just tell them ONCE "We need the measurements no later than date XYZ."
    If they don't get them to you by that date, they've taken themselves out.

    No worries. Just because they might not be into salon/mary kay parties does not mean they won't be super excited for you on your big day and be proud to stand beside you. :)
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    MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited July 2013
    When is your wedding?

    I would have declined the invitation to the Mary Kay party because I know what's going to happen. The host will tell me to just come and have a fun time with the other guests, that I don't have to buy anything. Then when I get there, the sales consultant is going to do her schpiel and try to pressure me into buying her products. I avoid those types of 'parties' like the plague. I would have thought the salon night was the same type of thing. They want to sell their services. I don't know of any salons that offer free drinks and advice without any expectation of doing business. 

    Your sister should ask the bm IF they want to help plan the bp or shower. If they do, she should ask them what they would like to contribute. They aren't obligated to throw, or even attend, parties for you.

    Find out when the seamstress needs the bm's measurements. Give that information to the bms. You shouldn't remind them repeatedly. Also, you should ask each bm, privately, about their dress budgets and stay within the lowest amount. If you go over, you should make up the difference.

    Your bms may be avoiding you and your sister because they don't have the money to do the things that you want them to do. 
                       
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    First Comment First Anniversary
    Oh I'm not asking them to spend money, I was not a huge fan of the MaryKay party.
    But they -have- ignored all requests on measurements. The only reason for the get togethers is that my sister (the MoH) doesn't know my BMs. They don't seem to email her back about anything or return texts.
    They are totally all about planning with me as well. A mistake I learned the hard way was to have my bridal party with my while trying on dresses. It escalated way too fast with them going out, getting dresses, LOTS of dresses, dresses that were ugly for fun, stuff They liked, anything and everything, then pulling all kinds of BM dresses, talking colors, telling me what they look best in. All at the same time. lol
    They pin fabulous stuff to my board and love talking about it. So it does leave me a tad stumped.
    I appreciate all the input though! Still no word from them, and I need to get these dresses rolling. I have 2 months left. It takes the seamstress 3 weeks. I would like extra time to make double sure they fit and what not.
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    Dreamergirl8812Dreamergirl8812 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Definitely don't ask if they want to "bow out." Just stop trying to include them and stop asking them to come to things. It sucks that they just completely blow you off, but stop expecting anything out of them other than the bm dress and it won't hurt your feelings or your friendship.

    I'm also assuming you aren't one of those narcissistic brides who only talks about the wedding because you definitely don't sound like that...



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    saric83saric83 member
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     Ditto all of this!

    StageManager14 said:
    I'm betting they are annoyed with all the bugging your sister has been doing and that's why they're dragging their feet on measurements. Not saying that is right for them to do, you need that info. But as a BM, I would be highly irritated with all these other random activities being planned and pushed on me. Email them and tell them you have to have their measurements by X date. Don't mention anything else wedding related and tell your sis to back off for a bit. They don't need to get to know her or anything.

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    AddieCakeAddieCake member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Ditto PPs.  I would not be interested in a MaryKay party, and I wouldn't be interested in "getting to know" the other bridesmaids or the groom's mom. 


    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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