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Plus One Dilemma...

aromans03aromans03 member
First Comment
in Wedding Etiquette Forum

We're trying to finalize our guest list, but have come into a dilemma. So far we have those who we know who are 18+ and in a serious relationship with a "Plus One".

The issue we have, is that we have relatives who we don't speak with or see often, in which we have no idea if they are in a serious relationship or not.

To keep our guest list on the smaller side... Is it OK to have those relatives, in which we're not sure of their relationship status, addressed as just themselves, and not with a "Plus One"??

Please help!

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Re: Plus One Dilemma...

  • MayDay513MayDay513 member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments 5 Answers First Anniversary
    aromans03 said:

    We're trying to finalize our guest list, but have come into a dilemma. So far we have those who we know who are 18+ and in a serious relationship with a "Plus One".

    The issue we have, is that we have relatives who we don't speak with or see often, in which we have no idea if they are in a serious relationship or not.

    To keep our guest list on the smaller side... Is it OK to have those relatives, in which we're not sure of their relationship status, addressed as just themselves, and not with a "Plus One"??

    Please help!

    My first question is why invite people you don't talk to? But that's not what you are asking. I think it's ok to address the invite with just them, but if they call and ask to bring an SO you should say it was an oversight and include their SO.
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  • CClarkson86CClarkson86
    5 Love Its First Comment
    If you're trying to keep your guest list smaller, why are you inviting people whom you don't know their relationship status? If you're not friendly enough to call them up and ask - I don't understand why you'd want them at your small-ish wedding?
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  • APDSS22APDSS22 member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Well, if they consider themselves in a relationship, they should be invited together (they are one social unit).  If you don't know if they're in a relationship, you should call them to find out.  If they're close enough to be invited to your wedding, you're probably ok to call them (or your fiance if they're related to him) to find out.
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  • KDM323KDM323 member
    Knottie Warrior 500 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    aromans03 said:

    We're trying to finalize our guest list, but have come into a dilemma. So far we have those who we know who are 18+ and in a serious relationship with a "Plus One".

    The issue we have, is that we have relatives who we don't speak with or see often, in which we have no idea if they are in a serious relationship or not.

    To keep our guest list on the smaller side... Is it OK to have those relatives, in which we're not sure of their relationship status, addressed as just themselves, and not with a "Plus One"??

    Please help!

    I wouldn't invite these people, period.

    If you don't see them or speak to them...then you don't have to invite them to the wedding just because you are somehow related to them. 

    If you *are* going to invite them, then ask a family member that is closer to them if they are aware of their relationship status.  Anyone in a relationship gets invited with the person they are in a relationship with named on the invitation.
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  • KJirasKJiras member
    Eighth Anniversary 10 Comments Name Dropper 5 Love Its
    I think it'd be nice if you made a reasonable effort to find out if they are in a relationship, maybe asking another family member/parent/friend/etc. who may have an idea, take a look on facebook (if they use it), etc. Once you have a better idea you can go from there deciding who to invite based on what your budget allows, etc.. If you aren't close to them or don't see/speak with them often you may decide not to invite them. 

    I'd feel a bit awkward calling up a bride and asking if I could bring my SO if I wasn't initially invited with a guest. By doing a little "research" you would be helping your guest avoid that awkward phone call.
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  • phiraphira member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    Eh, I kind of get where the OP is coming from. I have a couple of cousins whom I don't see often or talk to, but I would never NOT invite them to my wedding. I mean, I'd be inviting their parents (my aunts and uncles) and some of their siblings (other cousins). Just because I don't see them or talk to them often doesn't mean I don't want to see them at my wedding.

    That said, I do agree that the OP should spend some time with their partner to figure out if they really want to invite the people they don't see and talk to. If you do want to invite them, then you should either ask the relatives directly, or ask relatives you speak to more often.
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  • 32daisies32daisies member
    100 Comments Second Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    As @phira said, I've got a couple cousins like that. I've always been fond of them, but as the years go by and we all get older, we see each other less. I don't know their current details, and I'm a little leery of calling and it going like this (and at in at least one case, I'm worried it will), "Hey, Cousin! How's it going? I'm getting married, yay me! You're invited of course. Are you seeing anyone? No one since your wife left you? Oh, I'm sorry..." So I'm trying to work throw intermediary relatives to find out the scoop.
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  • artbyallieartbyallie mod
    Moderator Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    You must be close enough to someone who would know. I.e. "Hey Aunt Sally, is Cousin Joe seeing anyone currently? He is? Great, what's her* name? And how does she spell that? Thanks so much." (*Or his name, if Cousin Joe is gay.)
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  • phiraphira member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    @32daisies @artbyallie Yeah, it's all specific to the situation. For the cousins I have in mind, I'll probably ask my uncle if he knows if they're seeing anyone. If I can't get their names, then I'll email my cousins directly.

    I know for at least one of them, the response will probably be, "Yes/no, but I'm not going to be able to make it anyway," which is not entirely terrible (we'll either know we'll have 1-2 more meals we're not paying for, or we can invite 1-2 more people).
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  • aromans03aromans03 member
    First Comment
    because it's family... we still see them at Christmas, and to avoid getting into any arguments with parents, etc., we're including all immediate family including aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents.
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  • aromans03aromans03 member
    First Comment
    Thank you all for your input.  I greatly appreciate it.  :)
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  • winelover123winelover123 member
    1000 Comments 250 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    I have a cousin I haven't spoken to in 2 years that I'm inviting. I have no idea how to reach him, so I just asked his mom where to send his invitation and if he has a girlfriend. It'll be a shit show if we don't invite him, so I can understand inviting people you don't really talk to. Give the parents or someone they're close to a call.
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  • MandyMostMandyMost member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    aromans03 said:

    We're trying to finalize our guest list, but have come into a dilemma. So far we have those who we know who are 18+ and in a serious relationship with a "Plus One".

    The issue we have, is that we have relatives who we don't speak with or see often, in which we have no idea if they are in a serious relationship or not.

    To keep our guest list on the smaller side... Is it OK to have those relatives, in which we're not sure of their relationship status, addressed as just themselves, and not with a "Plus One"??

    Please help!

    But you're not inviting these people with a "Plus One", are you? You're inviting them with their significant other. You're inviting Jane Smith and Bobby Jones, correct? You know them, you know they're in a relationship, you know who they're in a relationship with, and you're inviting that person specifically with your cousin, correct? Otherwise, Jane Smith could get a "Plus One" invite and bring her best friend or random acquaintance if she felt like it or if Bobby was busy.

    So, do the same thing for the cousins you don't know. Find out if they're in a relationship (however you can--ask your other relatives, or figure out a way to contact them directly), and then address the invitation to them and their significant other if they have one. 
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