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Wedding Woes
Amore627
member
Sister got pregnant right after I got engaged
in Wedding Woes
Hi everyone,
I think I'm mostly writing this post to vent and to see if what I'm feeling is understandable. My sister and I are very close. She's a year younger and she got married about 2 years ago. I was her maid of honor. Even though it stung just a little for my younger sister to marry before me, I was thrilled for her and loved being her maid of honor. I recently got engaged 3 months ago and was very excited. I asked my sister to be my maid of honor since she's my best friend. I started having visions of planning together, the bachelorette party/shower, dress shopping, etc (all the things a girl would want her sister to be part of). It felt like I'd waited for this moment for a long time. Well just last week my mom told me that my sister is currently trying to get pregnant. I felt a mixture of emotions but mostly I felt hurt that my sister hadn't talked to me about it. When I talked to her she explained that she can't live her life based on others and that even though her pregnancy would occur during the year before my wedding, that it felt like the right time for her. To be honest, I can't help but feel a bit upset. I hate myself for sounding selfish but I feel that my sisters pregnancy will take away from my wedding a little. You see my sister has some medical issues so I know her pregnancy will likely cause some anxiety in the family. As it turns out, I found out my sister is pregnant and due in May. My wedding is in July. Of course when she told me I acted extremely happy and I am truly happy. I just can't help but feel a little bummed though. I know that my sis will be very preoccupied with her pregnancy and silly things like dress shopping or my bachelorette party etc might not be priorities for her. To be honest it's not that I'm worried about her fulfilling any sort of MOH responsibilities or anything, it's more that I feel as though she might have discussed this whole thing with me prior to going ahead and doing it. My wedding is only a year away... I guess I'm wondering why she couldn't just wait one more year to have a baby! She's young (27) and has so much time ahead of her. I really hope this post doesn't come across as selfish ... Just wanted to see if any of my feelings are justified. Of course I'm not sharing them with my sis and will continue to show her nothing but happiness. Thanks for any responses.
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Re: Sister got pregnant right after I got engaged
Well, you do sound selfish. There are a million reasons why she wouldn't talk to youabout it and a million more why now might have been the right time or maybe even an oops time. Women can be pregnant and do all of the things you were envisioning. People can also be happy about two things at once- your wedding and her baby.
Feel what you want, but there's nothing you can do.
Yes, selfish. Essentially, you think she should come to you before she makes life decisions. How absurd. Really, what if she DID come to you? Would you have told her to wait? Think about how that would affect your relationship.
You should just be relieved you didn't say this out loud to anyone you know.
My math may be rusty, but is the pee on the stick even dry?
I got my + test on July 28th and I was due April 3rd.
You are clearly forgetting the most important part of this: designated driver at the bachelorette party.
Pregnant or not, your wedding is never going to be her #1 priority. It's really only important to you and your FI.
As PPs have already said, it's probably better to vent here than to air some of this out loud. Get it out of your system. You're worried, surprised, etc. How you feel is how you feel, but you can control how you act.
Give it some time and you'll start to see the good in the situation. We all have selfish thoughts from time to time.
Officially hitched as of 10/25/13
I get you are frustrated. But you can't control how she lives her life and what she does with her body. What she and her DH deem to be the perfect time to start having children has nothing to do with you. Be happy for her, I'm sure she is happy for you. I am sure she is probably going to figure it out all the wedding stuff.
Edited for typos
Guess what - people can be happy about multiple things. Your family (including your sister) can be happy and excited for your wedding and her pregnancy at the same time! There is not a happiness level no one can go over. You can chat with her about wedding stuff and she can chat with you about baby things. There is zero reason to be upset. You should be ecstatic that you get to become an aunt soon!
You have decided to be negative about this. You decided that she wouldn't be interested in your wedding anymore. But you have no evidence to back this. Just because your sister has big things going on in her life doesn't mean she isn't excited about what is going on in your life.
There is no reason to be overwhelmed by these two events (and my SO comes from a big Italian family). You just need to change your perspective on the situation. Don't look at your sister pregnancy as stealing your thunder but instead as an event that is just going to add more joy to the time surrounding your wedding. Don't assume she won't be interested in your wedding. Give her a chance. But don't have unrealistic expectations either. She is pregnant and that is going to be her focus, just like your wedding is your focus. Just don't expect everyone to care about your wedding as much as you do and you'll be a lot happier.