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Destination Wedding, But I Don't Want to Leave Anyone Out

ajhm42ajhm42
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
My Fiance and I are having our wedding in Sequoia National Park and even though most our family and friends live in California, most people still consider it a destination wedding. Additionally, the venue has a limited capacity of 100 people. We want to invite everyone (all our friends and family) to partake in our wedding, but we're not sure how to go about making that happen. We were thinking about having the wedding and reception in Sequoia and then have a second reception/fancy dinner afterwards. But how do we determine who goes to what event? Or do we give our guests the option to choose Sequoia or dinner in our invitations? 
Any input would be much appreciated :)
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Re: Destination Wedding, But I Don't Want to Leave Anyone Out

  • Xstatic3333Xstatic3333 member
    250 Love Its 500 Comments Third Anniversary First Answer
    I would just bite the bullet and cut your list to 100. After you're married you can have a BBQ to which you invite additional people, but don't make it WR at all (ie no wedding reception activities like spotlight dances or anything like that). Any WR parties can only include those invited to the wedding. The venue sounds beautiful, and you may be surprised how many make the trip!
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  • classyashley918classyashley918 member
    Fourth Anniversary 25 Love Its 10 Comments

    ajhm42 said:
    My Fiance and I are having our wedding in Sequoia National Park and even though most our family and friends live in California, most people still consider it a destination wedding. Additionally, the venue has a limited capacity of 100 people. We want to invite everyone (all our friends and family) to partake in our wedding, but we're not sure how to go about making that happen. We were thinking about having the wedding and reception in Sequoia and then have a second reception/fancy dinner afterwards. But how do we determine who goes to what event? Or do we give our guests the option to choose Sequoia or dinner in our invitations? 
    Any input would be much appreciated :)
    There's no way to do this without it ending up being rude to someone. Why don't you just find a venue big enough to accommodate everyone? That's really the only way to do this without hurting feelings in some way or ending up in a situation you really don't want to have (i.e. everyone picks one venue over the other). Make your guest list to be as big as you can fit in your venue, invite that number, and leave it at that. It's up to your guests whether they will attend. Not up to you to have a second party, and honestly having one looks gift grabby.
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  • cruffinocruffino member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    FI and originally wanted a destination wedding but decided to do it at home for this reason. We want we everyone there. Unfort it sounds like you're gonna have to choose.
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  • misssunshine17misssunshine17 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    I would cut your list. Anything else could be seen as a consolation prize and that would be more hurtful. People understand small destination weddings. Just know that with DW many people can't afford it or want to take their vacation time so you will probably have a high decline rate (however also budget for 100% since it can happen). 
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  • harper0813harper0813 member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    I also vote to cut it to 100 people if you decide to have your wedding at Sequoia.
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  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    ajhm42 said:
    My Fiance and I are having our wedding in Sequoia National Park and even though most our family and friends live in California, most people still consider it a destination wedding. Additionally, the venue has a limited capacity of 100 people. We want to invite everyone (all our friends and family) to partake in our wedding, but we're not sure how to go about making that happen. We were thinking about having the wedding and reception in Sequoia and then have a second reception/fancy dinner afterwards. But how do we determine who goes to what event? Or do we give our guests the option to choose Sequoia or dinner in our invitations? 
    Any input would be much appreciated :)
    You're doing it wrong.

    1st you come up with your guest list.  Put all of your Must Have VIPs on it, everyone you can't imagine not being there for you on your wedding day.  Then you find a venue that fits your budget and all of your guests.

    Do you actually already have a down payment and contract with this venue?  If so, you are going to need to trim your guest list :/

    If not, find another venue.  In 10 years, where you got married will be insignificant compared to the memories of who you were with.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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  • RebeccaB88RebeccaB88 member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I really think you need to find a bigger venue, or cut your guest list to 100. Are you sure there aren't any other venues there that can hold more?  Or could you have the ceremony there and then the reception somewhere else nearby? Lots of brides here have to make really tough choices regarding guest lists. It sucks, but that's the way it is.
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  • phiraphira member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    You have to choose between your venue and your guest list. I'm not going to insist that guest list comes first and that you did this in the wrong order. But you'll have to cut your guest list to have your wedding at this venue.

    My partner and I did things in the opposite order--we've got a guest list and will start by trying to find venues in our price range that fit our maximum number of guests. However, we're on a tight budget in an expensive area (Boston), so we have a list of people we MUST invite (family, closest friends), and then a list of people we want to invite if we can (more distant friends, +1s for single people). So if we can't find a venue in our price range that lets us invite everyone, we'll start cutting people from the second list.

    However--don't B-list. Once you send out the invitations, you're done. So if you limit your list to 100 and 20 people decline, don't invite 20 people you originally cut.
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  • Bubbles2014Bubbles2014 member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    You either have to trim your guest list or find a new venue. Either is fine, but you have to work out which is more important to you; More people or your venue.

    We found out venue first and then did our guest list, but we did it on purpose. Our venue holds 50 - 60 people so that is all we could invite. I knew that if we had a bigger venue more and more people would sneak on and then we would have a huge wedding that neither of us wanted. It made us really think about who we wanted there and we can happily say that everyone coming to the wedding means a lot to one of us (or is s SO of someone who does).

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  • southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    Moderator 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary
    If I were in your shoes, I'd have a really intimate wedding in Sequoia (great choice btw) - like family, WP and mayyyybe a couple of friends and then throw a kick ass party/dinner with everyone you want to invite later on. That way, people will totally get that you had a small wedding, but that you want to celebrate with them. 
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  • KeptInStitchesKeptInStitches member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    If you were going to take @southernbelle0915's suggestion, you need to make sure it's a reaaaaally small wedding. Like definitely < 20-30 people total. Essentially immediate family and maybe a couple of your very dearest friends.
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