Engaged BMs getting competitive?

Re: Engaged BMs getting competitive?

• pittiemama14 member

  

  August 2013

  If it bothers you, next time one of them says something that comes off as being competitive, just say something like "oh your DJ is going to be better than mine? Well that's awesome for you, but it's really not a competition" If she doesn't get the hint after that, then just go about the rest of your planning and ignore her, or just plain don't involve her in it. The only people that need to be involved in your planning are you, your FI, and whoever else is financially contributing.

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• southernbelle0915 mod

  

  August 2013

  pittiemama14 said:

  If it bothers you, next time one of them says something that comes off as being competitive, just say something like "oh your DJ is going to be better than mine? Well that's awesome for you, but it's really not a competition" If she doesn't get the hint after that, then just go about the rest of your planning and ignore her, or just plain don't involve her in it. The only people that need to be involved in your planning are you, your FI, and whoever else is financially contributing.

  I would not say anything like that. These are your closest friends if you've asked them to be your BMs and this statement seems aggressive and challenging. It's not a very respectful or mature way to communicate or get a point across. Don't talk about your wedding with them, period. Let them talk about their weddings until they're blue in the face if you want - just smile and nod. People who are one-uppers will be one-uppers and it's pointless to engage with them. 

  
  

  I do agree with pittiemama that the only people needed for planning are you, FI and the wedding funders.

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• bethsmiles member

  

  August 2013

  Do not follow pittiemama's advice. It will make you sound immature and snotty. Just limit your wedding talk with them. I know they are your BMs so you probably want to chat about the wedding with them but if it's causing drama or negativity I would limit the wedding talk. Be polite and listen to theirs, if they ask about yours say you're still deciding or something.
  

  
  

  
  

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• hordol member

  

  August 2013

  Meh...I didn't think pittiemama's advice was that bad...maybe I'm immature and snotty, too.

  
  

  First of all, don't talk to them about wedding stuff. If it comes up somehow anyway, I would just say something like, "That sounds like it will be really fun! I'm excited about the way we are doing it too, though."

  
  

  
  

  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

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• misssunshine17 member

  

  August 2013

  Stop talking to them about the wedding, other than the BM dress, since that is their only real thing to do. 

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• snoopycac member

  

  August 2013

  I have the same issue with a friend of mine. She got engaged after me and at first is was so much fun to talk wedding stuff with her. But her budget is about 5x that of mine, and she is consistantly rubbing it in my face. Which is not so fun. I just stopped talking to her about wedding stuff. And when one of us did have something we just couldn't keep to ourselves, I just tell her how happy I am for her. It took a bit, but I just had to realize that my wedding was going to be wonderful and I just had to stop letting her get to me. We were different people with different ideas who just happened to be planning weddings at the same time.
  
  Long story short - just try not to talk wedding, but if it comes up, be happy for her
  

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• rel1988 member

  

  August 2013

  One of my BM's got engaged a month after me...then everything became a competition. I stopped discussing EVERYTHING wedding related with her and she kept talking only about herself, which in all honestly got really old. Turns out if I wasn't gushing over her there really wasn't anything for us to talk about because all she cared about was herself. Such is life.

  If you don't discuss your wedding, she wont know the details to bash etc. Hopefully she will get the hint!

  

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• PeachesNCream22 member

  

  August 2013

  I don't think it's good to ignore it. After all, they're your bridesmaids and it's hard to avoid wedding topics when they're in the wedding! Address it but be very polite and nice about it. Try just being honest next time one of them says something hurtful. Say, "I know you didn't mean to hurt my feelings with that comment, but you just did." Let them know that you are sensitive about wedding topics and, if they are your good friends, they will respect your wishes. Don't make it about blame or annoyance. Just help them to tailor their behavior to you so everyone gets along better. After all, these are your good friends or they wouldn't be your bridesmaids, right?

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• Bookie7 member

  

  August 2013

  I wouldn't talk to your BM's about wedding plans... other than what they should wear and when to show up for things.  Especially if they're getting competitive or snotty about it.  This is your day!

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• Grabows14 member

  

  August 2013

  I had two weddings these past two weeks that I was in and I'm getting married next year. For myself, I thought it would be rude to talk about my wedding bc i wanted to focus my attention on their wedding and anything they needed. I agree with pp don't talk about your wedding and if you don't want to talk about theirs then don't.

  

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