no need to comment

dukedoll1 · August 2013

its all figured out

KeptInStitches · August 2013

Is there any way you can give her a color, length, and perhaps fabric you'd prefer and have her go shopping on her own?

OliveOilsMom · August 2013

dukedoll1 said:

When I started dating my fiancée my bridesmaid was very supportive and seemed happy for me. She hasn't had an easy time finding a good guy and is still struggling so I was surprised and super happy that she was ok with it and at the time didn't seem sad or aggravated. Unfortunately when I got engaged she did a complete 180 on me. Now the moment I say the words Dress Shopping I receive a marathons of eye rolls, sighs, and excuses. It is super hard to be happy when one of my best friends seems so annoyed with me/the situation. I want her to be a part of the wedding but if she keeps this up I don't know what im going to do HELP!!!

I would not talk wedding with your friend at all. Are you the first of your friends to marry?

Also, as long as you have not asked anyone yet. Wait another 4 months before you ask any BMs. Is your wedding ticker correct? Wait until 8-9 months before the wedding to ask your BM to see how your relationships potentially change. You cannot ask someone to be a BM now and them ask them to leave the WP later, this is a friendship ending move.

Viczaesar · August 2013

dukedoll1 said:

When I started dating my fiancée my bridesmaid was very supportive and seemed happy for me. She hasn't had an easy time finding a good guy and is still struggling so I was surprised and super happy that she was ok with it and at the time didn't seem sad or aggravated. Unfortunately when I got engaged she did a complete 180 on me. Now the moment I say the words Dress Shopping I receive a marathons of eye rolls, sighs, and excuses. It is super hard to be happy when one of my best friends seems so annoyed with me/the situation. I want her to be a part of the wedding but if she keeps this up I don't know what im going to do HELP!!!

It's too early for bridesmaid dress shopping, so are you talking about wedding dress shopping? She doesn't need to go shopping for your wedding dress with you. The only thing she actually has to do is get a dress, which should be selected with her budget and comfort in mind.

dukedoll1 · August 2013

I normally would wait but there is a catch my friends that are my BMs live close to me now. In the next few months I will be moving in with my fiancée who lives close to 8 hours away and who may be moving to Boston if this deal goes through with the company he works for. So I am trying to figure out something sooner rather than later. Otherwise it wouldn't be an issue

MyNameIsNot · August 2013

It is too early to have even asked bridesmaids yet. It doesn't matter who lives where. Most people have bridesmaids that don't live in the same city.

It is way, way too early to be BM dress shopping. She is probably rolling her eyes because she doesn't want to shop for a dress that she won't be wearing for more than a year. Put BM dress shopping on hold until you're about 6 months out. You'll find that everyone's attitude about wedding related activities will be much better if you are on a realistic schedule.

Viczaesar · August 2013

dukedoll1 said:

I normally would wait but there is a catch my friends that are my BMs live close to me now. In the next few months I will be moving in with my fiancée who lives close to 8 hours away and who may be moving to Boston if this deal goes through with the company he works for. So I am trying to figure out something sooner rather than later. Otherwise it wouldn't be an issue

That doesn't matter at all. You don't need to be in the same city, state, or even country to coordinate WP dresses. It's still way too early to be looking for wedding party dresses.

dukedoll1 · August 2013

I have epilepsy I can't just magically drive up and do things when I am free my fiancée would have to drive because I can't drive there are many different things to this situation and I want to be there for my girls as we try on dresses is that a crime. All I wanted to know was if it is normal for some bridesmaids to act like this and if I should ask about whats going on. how did this turn into attack the bride who is already upset? I am not a bridezilla just wondering why my best friend has suddenly turned into someone who gives me attitude about everything. I have been engaged since 2011 and I have put off wedding planning for a very long time because I didn't want to rush anything so to me this just makes sense.

Viczaesar · August 2013

dukedoll1 said:

I have epilepsy I can't just magically drive up and do things when I am free my fiancée would have to drive because I can't drive there are many different things to this situation and I want to be there for my girls as we try on dresses is that a crime. All I wanted to know was if it is normal for some bridesmaids to act like this and if I should ask about whats going on. how did this turn into attack the bride who is already upset? I am not a bridezilla just wondering why my best friend has suddenly turned into someone who gives me attitude about everything. I have been engaged since 2011 and I have put off wedding planning for a very long time because I didn't want to rush anything so to me this just makes sense.

It's over a year from your wedding. It's too early to look at bridesmaid's dresses now. How is this hard to understand? It's ridiculous to expect your friends to take time out of their lives 14 months before your wedding and buy a dress that they can't wear for over a year. It's entirely possible, even likely, that she's giving you attitude because it's too early to buy dresses, or even shop for them. If you can't try on dresses with them at a more appropriate time then I guess you'll have to do something else, like tell them all to get a dress in X length and Y color at Z store.

Simply Fated · August 2013

You need to slow down a bit. I completely understand you want to get things out of the way, but you're doing it at the discomfort of others.
You do not need to be there in person when she tries on dresses. I promise. I just purchased a bridesmaids dress without the bride there. I just took pics and sent them to her. It really worked out great because the whole bridal party is spread out all over the state.

I'm not sure if it's normal for all bridesmaids to act this way, but I know I sure as hell wouldn't want to be looking at dresses this early out.

I don't know your friend, but you do. Give her a call. Ask what's up. Keep all wedding talk out of it. If she is bummed because she's the last single girl of your clan, offer to be her wing woman once in awhile. Or do girls night out, no wedding talk. Use public transportation. Or have her come visit you. Hell, Skype while watching a movie together.

bullfrogmama · August 2013

I wasn't there when any of my BM's tried on dresses. I gave them their color and length and told them to find a dress they were comfortable wearing and paying for. They all did a splendid job and I can't wait to see them all together at our wedding in 12 days!

So, basically... ditto PP's. Too early.

KDM323 · August 2013

dukedoll1 said:

I have epilepsy I can't just magically drive up and do things when I am free my fiancée would have to drive because I can't drive there are many different things to this situation and I want to be there for my girls as we try on dresses is that a crime. All I wanted to know was if it is normal for some bridesmaids to act like this and if I should ask about whats going on. how did this turn into attack the bride who is already upset? I am not a bridezilla just wondering why my best friend has suddenly turned into someone who gives me attitude about everything. I have been engaged since 2011 and I have put off wedding planning for a very long time because I didn't want to rush anything so to me this just makes sense.

dukedoll1 said:

When I started dating my fiancée my bridesmaid was very supportive and seemed happy for me. She hasn't had an easy time finding a good guy and is still struggling so I was surprised and super happy that she was ok with it and at the time didn't seem sad or aggravated. Unfortunately when I got engaged she did a complete 180 on me. Now the moment I say the words Dress Shopping I receive a marathons of eye rolls, sighs, and excuses. It is super hard to be happy when one of my best friends seems so annoyed with me/the situation. I want her to be a part of the wedding but if she keeps this up I don't know what im going to do HELP!!!

How many times since 2011 have you talked about your wedding, wedding planning, dresses, etc with this woman? If you've been engaged since 2011...odds are she may be tired of hearing about your engagement, your wedding, etc. already. That's a VERY long engagement and a very long time to have someone designated as a "bridesmaid". You're still over a year from your wedding...I would stop any bridal/wedding talk and see if you find your relationship with your friend improve.

forensicgirla · August 2013

I totally understand your situation. I was engaged for over 8 months before we had an engagement party. We waited because our families live far away and would be in town to see us graduate from college. We had a buffet at a local golf course for our families and paid for it.
At the party last May I asked my BMs. I asked so early because soon we would literally be scattered across the country. However, my fiancé still hasn't asked his guys lol.
I wouldn't make your girls go dress shopping yet though. What I did was go to David's Bridal. You canregister a dress you like, or a color for them to follow. The bonus to this is that men's warehouse carries tux vests, etc in the matching David's bridal color.
This is working great for us, since I told my ladies, just make it meadow, and my fiancé has found similar shirt/tie combo at MW that he can order for his guys, once he gets around to asking.
Plus, this takes a lot off my shoulders as I try to arrange visits and tastings, DJs and whatnot from a thousand miles away.

As for your BMs behavior, you can't control her. She is probably upset about spending less time with you, and a bit jealous of your FI who will have you all to himself. She will likely come around once she realizes you can be friends from a distance.

Just breathe.

OliveOilsMom · August 2013

Just to add to what PP have said about ordering the dresses too early. It's very possible that one or more of the BMs could get pregnant, gain or lose a lot of weight and then the dress they bought (way too) early isn't going to fit. And it would require them to purchase a whole new dress or get some many alterations done that it cost just as much as the original dress. So please, wait. If you can't go to your BM for dress shopping, ask them to come up for a girls weekend to where ever you will be living.

aurianna · August 2013

Definitely wait on the dress. I was once a bridesmaid in a wedding and even ordering the dresses only 6 months out, I ended up needing to spend $200 in alterations because I'd lost weight and the thing was way too big.
Designs and fabrics get discontinued. You do not want to be in the situation where you pick a dress, the girls get it, something about it gets discontinued, one of the girls can't wear it anymore... then you're stuck.
I know you want to be with them when they pick the dress, but you really need to be prudent here. Buying dresses too far in advance can be a logistical nightmare. You'll be a better friend to them to let them wait. Doing so makes it more likely that they'll get dresses that fit (which leads to cheaper alterations and the girls just looking better in general). Also it's more likely that the dress will be replaceable should something happen.
You don't even know if you're moving yet, and if you do, even if you don't get to go shopping with at least one of your bridesmaids, you'll still be able to participate in the process with them via photo/text/email.

I'd really drop the dress shopping talk for a while and see if the situation improves. Wait a few more months before getting their budgets and picking out the dress. I bet people will be more excited about your wedding closer to it.

kmmssg · August 2013

If she is your BFF, how about you take her to lunch and talk to her?

Don't go into it with the attitude of "i'm sick of your eyeballs rolling..." You can gently let her know that you have noticed that when you mention dress shopping (and it IS way too early for this) her demeanor seems to instantly change. Ask her if you are reading things correctly and then LISTEN to what she has to say. If she has been a BM since 2011 she is probably sick to death of wedding talk, especially with a year to go.

Really LISTEN. Not the kind of listening where you are already thinking of what you will say. LISTEN to her. Apologize if it is needed when she is done and get your friendship back on the right track. Just because you are the one who will wear the white dress doesn't mean you haven't affected the friendship adversely since your engagement. Eat, Listen, Restore the friendship.

winelover123 · August 2013

Slow your roll. It's far too early to get dresses. Fun story - I had my BMs get their dresses about a year out. They're from a department store and wouldn't be there later so it made sense. One of my BMs is pregnant and won't be able to wear it for the wedding. Luckily, it was only $60 and I paid for it, so she isn't out any money but I am. Again, it's $60 so I can't say I'm upset by it.

You don't know what's going to happen, so wait to buy dresses. And your BMs don't all have to be there for picking out dresses. You can simply send them an email/fb message with some options and take a poll to choose the dress.

dukedoll1 · August 2013

O trust me guys right now its just seeing how they fit not making a purchase and I know their weight may change between now and then heck mine is changing (so far lost 30lbs I still have 20 to go) so its just a matter of finding an appropriate cut for them. I am paying for them so thats why I sort of wanted to be there to see if what I am paying for is going to be worth it. I did talk to her and she seems better she just had somethings going on right now that she didn't know how to bring up until we talked and she felt like she should tell me. Thanks for listening.

dukedoll1 · August 2013

And I quit talking about it until now because I knew talking about it and planning it in 2011 would be ridiculous so I decided to wait until a year out (the tracker thing is wrong we moved the date back a month or so i just dont know how to edit it) so that i can begin planning and figuring out the "whos whats and wheres" in a good amount of time. I am graduating and so I will have a lot to figure out between place to live, job, trying to get my license, and a whole mess of other things so I need to get at least started a bit.

[Deleted User] · August 2013

"Appropriate cut" will change if their weight changes. Honestly, yes I think it's normal to be rolling eyes and giving excuses this early.

My sister got married last year and she was like you, wanting to do everything super early. It was a real pain for us and to tell the truth, by the time we got close to the wedding we were all just praying it would be over quickly and none of us enjoyed it.

The ladies here are giving you great advice. Plenty of people handle getting bridesmaid dresses picked out with their girls spread all over the country. You really don't have to be there with every one of them to try on. Plus, you run the risk of finding a dress now, then it being discontinued when you finally go to order it almost a year later.

Viczaesar · August 2013

dukedoll1 said:

O trust me guys right now its just seeing how they fit not making a purchase and I know their weight may change between now and then heck mine is changing (so far lost 30lbs I still have 20 to go) so its just a matter of finding an appropriate cut for them. I am paying for them so thats why I sort of wanted to be there to see if what I am paying for is going to be worth it. I did talk to her and she seems better she just had somethings going on right now that she didn't know how to bring up until we talked and she felt like she should tell me. Thanks for listening.

It's still too early to look at dresses, even just to "see how they fit." I'm glad your conversation went well.

Dreamergirl8812 · August 2013

Comment!

Viczaesar · August 2013

Rude, OP.

Ajuliana · August 2013

Super rude. And whiny overreaction to perfectly polite responses from pps.

mrsbizzz · August 2013

Highly inappropriate to delete OP. Why would you post on a discussion board if you didn't want a discussion?

no need to comment

Re: no need to comment

Choose Another Board

Search Boards