Is MOH wrong?

BangBangs39 · August 2013

My best friend (K) is part of the WP for her brothers wedding. She paid for my ticket to go to the brides Bachelorette (I was planning my wedding and couldn't) This week K gets a text from MOH saying I still owe money (Not the first time). K (again) tells her I do not but MOH insists that I do. One of MOH’s friends backed out of going a while ago and did not pay for her ticket, so I am 98% positive that MOH is just trying to cover the cost of that ticket. In addition MOH informs K that I also will owe money for the Limo/Party bus, Tip, and something else. I am not a host of this Bachelorette… I found out that this whole time MOH has been booking/planning w/o consulting any of the other WP members... just plans and dictates who owes what.

K has opted out of going due to MOH's treatment in insinuating that she owes money she does not and essentially calling her a liar... she is also upset that MOH just keeps dictating money owed and feels more like a bank than a bridesmaid. MOH has now caused all sorts of drama to follow... went and told B&G (Groom is K's brother) that K wasn't going because she had better plans... not true... and now B&G are bombarding K w/ nasty texts and so is the MOH and MOB. Groom has told K not to bother being in or coming to the wedding (did not put it that nicely)...

Is it just me, or did MOH just deflect the blame completely onto K and now caused HUGE drama between a Brother, Sister and Brother's future wife?

** Side note - K is going to give MOB money for her BM dress (MOB paid for all of the dresses) and also give the money for the ticket that was already paid for because she feels it would be wrong not to. My opinion is that if she pays for the dress and even more money for tickets she already paid for, then she should get to keep the dress and tickets? Am I wrong... she didn't quit the WP she was asked to GTFO...

itzMS · August 2013

BangBangs39 said:

My best friend (K) is part of the WP for her brothers wedding. She paid for my ticket to go to the brides Bachelorette (I was planning my wedding and couldn't) This week K gets a text from MOH saying I still owe money (Not the first time). K (again) tells her I do not but MOH insists that I do. One of MOH’s friends backed out of going a while ago and did not pay for her ticket, so I am 98% positive that MOH is just trying to cover the cost of that ticket. In addition MOH informs K that I also will owe money for the Limo/Party bus, Tip, and something else. I am not a host of this Bachelorette… I found out that this whole time MOH has been booking/planning w/o consulting any of the other WP members... just plans and dictates who owes what.

K has opted out of going due to MOH's treatment in insinuating that she owes money she does not and essentially calling her a liar... she is also upset that MOH just keeps dictating money owed and feels more like a bank than a bridesmaid. MOH has now caused all sorts of drama to follow... went and told B&G (Groom is K's brother) that K wasn't going because she had better plans... not true... and now B&G are bombarding K w/ nasty texts and so is the MOH and MOB. Groom has told K not to bother being in or coming to the wedding (did not put it that nicely)...

Is it just me, or did MOH just deflect the blame completely onto K and now caused HUGE drama between a Brother, Sister and Brother's future wife?

** Side note - K is going to give MOB money for her BM dress (MOB paid for all of the dresses) and also give the money for the ticket that was already paid for because she feels it would be wrong not to. My opinion is that if she pays for the dress and even more money for tickets she already paid for, then she should get to keep the dress and tickets? Am I wrong... she didn't quit the WP she was asked to GTFO...

Tickets for what?

Yes, she gets to keep everything she paid for.

bethsmiles · August 2013

Wow. I'm really sorry your friend is going through this. I really don't understand why people think a wedding means you get to treat people like shit.

The MOH was completely in the wrong here. It sounds like she planned a party without talking to anyone and no one could afford it. But the bride and groom are to blame as well. They should have talked to your friend before flying off the handle and its not okay to kick someone out of the wedding. It does damaged that at times cannot be repaired.

It sounds like your friend's relationship with her brother has been destroyed over a stupid party.

BangBangs39 · August 2013

@ItzMS - they are tickets for a huge concert that happens every year where I live... were $150each.

BangBangs39 · August 2013

@bethsmiles - it really has - neither Bride or Groom gave K the opportunity to explain why she wasn't going and also enlighten them as to what the MOH was doing. The funny thing is the Bride never wanted a Bachelorette party to begin with... and is now telling K that she is completely selfish and a horrible person for not attending... I want to B*tch slap the MOH in the worst way!

itzMS · August 2013

BangBangs39 said:

@ItzMS - they are tickets for a huge concert that happens every year where I live... were $150each.

Oh, yeah, then she gets to keep them (and hopefully sell them on StubHub or Ebay).

BangBangs39 · August 2013

itzMS said:
Oh, yeah, then she gets to keep them (and hopefully sell them on StubHub or Ebay).

That's what I'm saying! I already told her that I'm paying her for my ticket whether I use it or not... the concert is only weeks away so IDK if she'd be able to sell them in time... She is already getting the shit end of the stick so I don't want to see her lose anymore... she's also a single mom so that money could be spent on her kid.

bethsmiles · August 2013

Honestly, while the MOH's actions were awful the way the bride and groom are acting is 100x worse. I can't believe someone would kick their own sister out of the wedding just because of a party. Hopefully people will calm down, realize how horrible they've been to your friend, and amends can be made.

But if I was your friend and I didn't get an apology there is no way I'd attend their wedding.

BangBangs39 · August 2013

@ Bethsmiles - thanks for the insight... I agree that she is owed a huge apology. She doesn't plan on attending right now, and neither do Hubby or I... this treatment of anyone is wrong... never mind my best friend!

GlassButton · August 2013

She keeps to keep everything she paid for. Also, your friend should write a letter to her brother. It doesn't sound like it's just the MOH's fault but also her brother's for not even listening to his sister's side.

BangBangs39 · August 2013

@Glassbutton - thanks - I will definitely suggest she write a letter. You are right, it isn't just the MOH's fault... she is purely the instigator.

southernbelle0915 · August 2013

I don't get it - if K bought your ticket, how is there a discrepancy? Doesn't she have a receipt or record of a check being cashed? Give a copy to the MOH and tell her to stop texting/calling.

If I were told to GTFO of a wedding party and received nasty messages from MOB, I would tell MOB to keep the dress and I would not pay her for it.

As far as the limo, tip, etc. if there was a prior understanding that the cost would be split, she should pay for it. If not, it's the MOH's fault for being a crappy party planner.

Honestly, to preserve the relationship with her brother, K should try to mend fences with him and let him handle his future wife and her crazy friends/family.

banana468 · August 2013

Is there a MOG in this? There would be a big "Come to Jesus" discussion if this happened in my family. I can't imagine most parents not stepping in here at the outrageous treatment.

Frankly it sounds like MOH, MOB, B and G are suffering from entitlement complexes.

BangBangs39 · August 2013

@Southernbelle0915 - the MOH isn't just expecting the bridesmaids to pay a part of the transportation/tip etc. She expects the people invited to the party to also pay a portion... I was told this just the other day. I am not a bridesmaid, I am not party of the WP in anyway, I am just a party goer

@Banana468 - As far as I know K hasn't involved her mother in this... and honestly I'm not sure what difference it would make... K's mother kind of baby's her brother and always has... something K and I have in common.

misssunshine17 · August 2013

They all pretty much sound like assholes. Sell the tickets and decline going to any other parties. Since I'm assuming stepping out of the bridal party would cause more family drama, tell her to show up, smile in pictures, then sell the dress on ebay and move on.

banana468 · August 2013

Ugh what a mess!

southernbelle0915 · August 2013

@bangbangs39 - Um, no. This is about as tacky and brilliant as a cash bar. You offer alcohol, you pay for it. You offer a limo, you pay for it. MOH sucks at party planning.

BangBangs39 · August 2013

@ Southernbelle0915 - Ok that's what I thought! If she had asked me if I would be willing to help pay, I would have said sure! But being told, oh hey you RSVP'd yes so you also have to pay for x,y & z - I think not!

@misssunshine17 - She can't show up anymore, her brother "wrote her into the history books" and told her to not come.

wittykitty14 · August 2013

I agree with GlassButton's suggestion for your friend to write her brother a letter. She needs to explain what actually happened, and express her feelings calmly about the situation. Then she'll be able to get her thoughts across without being interrupted. Make sure she's not there when her brother reads it. He'll have time to let it sit before he reacts to it. I've found this to be very effective.

cmiles89 · August 2013

Good lordy... obviously the MOH is an instigator and a drama queen. I just don't get how people completely loose their minds when faced with this kind of thing. Seriously people, COMMUNICATE.

So yeah, I like the letter idea. This MOH sounds like a poisonous relationship and she will just keep escalating. Sheesh.

schellzinator · August 2013

I agree that the MOH is out of control. However, I agree with @Scribe95 - every bachelorette party I have been to the guests pay their own way....BUT it was made very clear in the invitation that we were to foot the cost of our own evening.

GlassButton · August 2013

I think the issue isn't so much if it should be paid as her friend paid for her but the MOH is still charging them more money.

Bubblegum5586 · August 2013

scribe95 said:

Every bachelorette party I have ever been to the guests had to pay their way, including chipping in on a limo one time. I didn't think bachelorettes were "hosted."

I agree that in my experience everyone pays their own way/portion of the outing, but the price is made clear at the beginning of what everyone owes. Not a week out getting more tacked on!

I watched my best friend plan her sisters bachelorette, and a few people backed out last minute. Guess what, she sucked it up and paid the difference, it sucked but she wasn't going to start any drama over it!

When I planned a bachelorette, I purposely overpriced what everyone owed in case people backed out, and explained any extra money we have we will put toward food for everyone. Well pretty much everyone came and I had enough money left over to do a continental breakfast both mornings and pizza and salads for dinner one night for everyone (thus saving everyone extra costs of going out to eat!)

southernbelle0915 · August 2013

Right, the issue here is that the MOH is charging people for stuff they've already paid for and stuff they never agreed to.

It'd be different if she was like "hey, it'd be fun to get a limo for bride's bach party, but unless everyone chips in, I can't afford it." More than likely, people will be like, "fun! how much do you need?" so she did that with the other maids, but it wasn't enough so now she's charging guests who weren't a part of planning for the limo and are just expected to pay if they want to go. It wasn't communicated or well planned and this MOH sucks.

PhoneCardLady · August 2013

Type a letter and send it certified mail (have someone else fill it out) with a return receipt. That way you have proof if he says I never got the letter.

MuppetFan · August 2013

So, if all you said is the way it happened, everyone but K is in the wrong.

What MOH should have done, is sat with bridesmaids and allowed them to say how much they are willing to contribute to establish a budget, what the wp is responsible for and what it will cost to include others.

If MOH wants to add things without consulting people, it becomes her responsibility. She's being nasty and careless. To bring this to the attention of the bride and groom is deplorable.

For the groom to kick his very sister out of the wedding because she's not paying for other people is the worst part. I hope for your friend's sake that they are able to resolve this before hand.

Honestly, if she hasn't paid for anything yet, she shouldn't. Let the bride and groom, who kicked her out of the wedding, pay her portion to the MOB. She should also be getting the value of the tickets, or the ticket back if she paid for it.

kkcaper14 · August 2013

I've planned a bachelorette party and been to a number of others of good friends. When I was MOH, sometimes it got to be too much to be on a chain of e-mails with 7 girls going back and forth on every little detail so I did make a number of executive decisions or just consulted with 1 or 2 other people. Every bachelorette party I've been to everyone split everything (the BMs split hotel costs of the bride to be and everyone else split dinner, bought drinks etc.). This MOH seems like a total nutcase but it does suck that people who committed to coming backed out - someone is on the hook for that $. She should have overcharged to make sure she had her bases covered. I think if she had just been straightforward and NICE about the whole thing she probably would get her $! In all honesty she probably is started to get fed up with people dropping out last minute and may have to shell out a big chunk of change to cover people she isn't even friends with. She should have been up front about costs (or at least estimates) so people could decide if they can afford it or not and move on from there. I was invited to a very organized bachelorette party (I was not a BM) and the MOH e-mailed a list of how much everything cost and I wrote a check and that was that. I would never expect the MOH or the BMs to pay (on my behalf) for me to attend. Although maybe this is different in different circles.

It is insane that this has snowballed into getting kicked out of the wedding! I think it is important for your friend to try to patch things up with her brother since he is family, but if he isn't having it then that is on him.

Is MOH wrong?

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