Wedding Etiquette Forum

How to cut list down

My husband and I got married in FEB, just at town hall. So i would like to have a small ceremony. We just had had a christening for our son for 140 people. that was family and close friends.... How in the world can i cut it down to 80-100? Are we obligated to invite out of stater's? 2nd aunts/cousins? How do you not invite family though.. Any advice would be appreciated!

Re: How to cut list down

  • If you would like to have a party to celebrate your marriage, that is fine.  Don't include any wedding items (bridal party, first dance, garter & bouquet toss, etc.).  You are already married, so including a ceremony would be inappropriate.

    As far as cutting the guest list- you are not required to invite anyone you don't want to.  Only you can judge the family dynamics that may result depending on whom is invite who isn't.  Sometimes the easiest way is to invite in circles (parents, grandparents, siblings&SO's, aunts& uncles, cousins & SOs, and so on).
  • A ceremony isn't really appropriate since you're already married and re-doing it now isn't authentic. Have a fabulous party with great music and food and of course, tons of booze and everyone will go home happy. You're not a bride since you're already a wife (yayy!) so it's not cool to dress up like a bride and act like you're unmarried. 
  • Ditto PPs. You will still look beautiful and have a great party but no ceremony and wedding stuff.
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  • A ceremony isn't appropriate since you're already married. (Congrats!) However if you wanted to throw an amazing party, go for it!

    As far as cutting the guest list - usually the first ones to be cut are people you do not personally know, next are people you haven't seen in a few years. My dad has about 30 cousins, but I only have ever met about 10, so those other 20 aren't invited because I'm pretty sure they don't even know I exist. ha!
  • You got married, congrats. It isn't appropriate to have a redo ceremony because you aren't entirely happy with how you got married the first time (I'm assuming because why else would you want another ceremony?). By all means have a party to celebrate, but please don't dress up and pretend to be a bride because you're not - You're a wife celebrating your marriage with you husband.

    As for cutting the guest list - Invite only people that you want there. You aren't obligated to invite anyone to anything, even if they are related to you. Our wedding guest list stopped at aunts and uncles (no cousins) and only the ones we talked to. Another alternative is to scale back your plans and have a more casual affair with everyone. A spit roast or BBQ is delicious and cheap!

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  • If you're trying to cut the guest list you could try:

    By making a list of who you're closest to. Start by those you absolutely must have.

    Ask yourself, would I be willing to pay $100 to take this person to dinner any other night?
  • My husband and I got married in FEB, just at town hall. So i would like to have a small ceremony. We just had had a christening for our son for 140 people. that was family and close friends.... How in the world can i cut it down to 80-100? Are we obligated to invite out of stater's? 2nd aunts/cousins? How do you not invite family though.. Any advice would be appreciated!


    You had a ceremony already at the courthouse. You don't get a do over because it wasn't the wedding you dreamed of. You can however have an awesome party to celebrate you being married! Get a great DJ, awesome food, and party!

    As far as the guest list, sharing DNA doesn't automatically grant you an invite. Invite those are who closest to you. If that means stopping at 1st cousins so be it. If you want to invite everyone, scale back the party so you can host them all properly- having it at a non mealtime, etc.

    After 6 years and 2 boys, finally tying the knot on October 27th, 2013!

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