this is the code for the render ad
Community› Wedding Discussion Boards› Wedding Party
Wedding Party
New Discussion

Old Friend or Brother-in-Law?

barbquebuttbarbquebutt member
First Comment
in Wedding Party
Hey everyone. First post here.

So I'm having a bit of a dilemma picking my final groomsman...

On the one hand, I have an old friend from high school. We were best friends at the time and were practically inseparable. After high school (10 years ago) we were pretty tight for a while, but then slowly started to drift apart. Now, we're still friends, chat now and again, and hang out once in a while. It's usually a long while, mind you. For instance, it is now August, and I haven't seen him since about February or March, and we've barely spoken. But, and maybe I'm crazy or sentimental, I still consider him a close friend. I also worry a little that he might be offended if I don't ask him, but at the same time, I really can't say for sure if I think he would ask me.

On the other hand, I have my brother-in-law. He and my sister have been married for a little shy of two years and although none of us in the family knew him all that well (he proposed something like 6 weeks after meeting her), he's really become part of the family. I like the guy a lot despite us not being "best buds". We don't really hang out on our own, usually only when we're doing a couples night with my sister and fiancee. But we get along swimmingly and have a similar dry sense of humor and banter about our rival football teams (Me: Seahawks, Him: 49ers). I wouldn't mind at all having him as one of my groomsmen, I just find it a little weird when my sister won't be a bridesmaid. I should also mention that he and my sister gave me a crucial role in their wedding as Officiant. And although this has almost no influence on my decision, my dad has also recommended I pick him.

Now I'm faced with a choice. I really can't decide who to pick. I'd like to have my brother-in-law, but we're not all that tight. But I'd also like to have my oldest friend, who I slightly worry might feel snubbed if I don't ask him, despite us not being all that close anymore. Our wedding party is already huge (14 including me and my fiancee), so I can not add another person.

So please, to anyone reading this, HELP!
Report Reply to Post

Re: Old Friend or Brother-in-Law?

  • itzMSitzMS member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    barbquebutt said:
    Hey everyone. First post here.

    So I'm having a bit of a dilemma picking my final groomsman...

    On the one hand, I have an old friend from high school. We were best friends at the time and were practically inseparable. After high school (10 years ago) we were pretty tight for a while, but then slowly started to drift apart. Now, we're still friends, chat now and again, and hang out once in a while. It's usually a long while, mind you. For instance, it is now August, and I haven't seen him since about February or March, and we've barely spoken. But, and maybe I'm crazy or sentimental, I still consider him a close friend. I also worry a little that he might be offended if I don't ask him, but at the same time, I really can't say for sure if I think he would ask me.

    On the other hand, I have my brother-in-law. He and my sister have been married for a little shy of two years and although none of us in the family knew him all that well (he proposed something like 6 weeks after meeting her), he's really become part of the family. I like the guy a lot despite us not being "best buds". We don't really hang out on our own, usually only when we're doing a couples night with my sister and fiancee. But we get along swimmingly and have a similar dry sense of humor and banter about our rival football teams (Me: Seahawks, Him: 49ers). I wouldn't mind at all having him as one of my groomsmen, I just find it a little weird when my sister won't be a bridesmaid. I should also mention that he and my sister gave me a crucial role in their wedding as Officiant. And although this has almost no influence on my decision, my dad has also recommended I pick him.

    Now I'm faced with a choice. I really can't decide who to pick. I'd like to have my brother-in-law, but we're not all that tight. But I'd also like to have my oldest friend, who I slightly worry might feel snubbed if I don't ask him, despite us not being all that close anymore. Our wedding party is already huge (14 including me and my fiancee), so I can not add another person.

    So please, to anyone reading this, HELP!


    Why do you have to ask one, both, or either of them at all?

    You don't need to have even sides.

    Report Reply
  • TeddiD34TeddiD34 member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    I agree with PP, just have both.

     Wedding Countdown Ticker

     

    Report Reply
  • barbquebuttbarbquebutt member
    First Comment
    itzMS said:
    You don't need to have even sides.
    You want to tell the future Mrs. that? I sure don't. Haha.
    Report Reply
  • itzMSitzMS member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    barbquebutt said:
    itzMS said:
    You don't need to have even sides.
    You want to tell the future Mrs. that? I sure don't. Haha.


    Absolutely! Send her here!

    One of her Bridesmaids could be the lucky lady to have a guy on each side! (should you ask both men)

    Or one of your groomsmen could be the lucky gent to escort TWO lovely ladies! (should you ask neither man)

    Sounds fine to me!

    Report Reply
  • KatWAGKatWAG member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Ask both. Your wedding party isnt a prop. Ask the people that are nearest and dearest to you, whether that is one person or 12.
    BabyFruit Ticker
    Report Reply
  • southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    Moderator 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary
    Yea, no need to have even sides. If she's hung up on it and won't budge, ask her if she'd be willing to ask another person to stand up on her side so that you can have both of your friends. It's not cool of her to make you choose when you feel close to both just so you can have even sides - that's ridiculous!
    *********************************************************************************

    image
    Report Reply
  • KeptInStitchesKeptInStitches member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    I'd hate to be the person the bride asked to even out the sides (oh wait, I was once, and it sucks). I'd stick to my guns and insist that I was equally close to both your old friend and BIL, and couldn't see getting married without both of them by your side.
    Report Reply
  • Simply FatedSimply Fated member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    barbquebutt said:
    itzMS said:
    You don't need to have even sides.
    You want to tell the future Mrs. that? I sure don't. Haha.
    Does she make all of your decisions for you?
    image
    Report Reply
  • Simply FatedSimply Fated member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    You know what? I'm sorry if my previous post came across as snarky. I'm just seriously baffled as to why YOU have to choose between two people and not her.

    Have both of them in your party. The friend and the Brother-in-law. If she wants even sides, then she can alter her side. You shouldn't have to alter yours.
    image
    Report Reply
  • HisGirlFriday13HisGirlFriday13 member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    edited August 2013
    Ditto PPs! Ask 'em both.

    Heck, ask both of them to be a GM, then ask your sister to be a groomsmaid, so she's not left out of the WP. You get both your friends, your sister isn't excluded, your dad is happy, and if your wife is fussed about the sides being even, your sister can match the BMs!

    Everybody wins :)

    And I am being totally serious. You should never have to pick between two friends in your wedding party for the sake of symmetry.

    ETA: fix typo
    Anniversary

    image
    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
    Report Reply
  • Xstatic3333Xstatic3333 member
    250 Love Its 500 Comments Third Anniversary First Answer
    Another vote to ask both! I haven't seen a wedding with even sides in years. Mine will, but it's either coincidence or because FI chose his side that way (I think he might have, which bugs me but oh well).
    Report Reply
  • artbyallieartbyallie mod
    Moderator Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    Ask her what's going to happen if you have uneven sides. Will the wedding police show up to nullify your marriage? Are you seriously going to be counting heads and calculating bride v. groom ratios when you look at your wedding pictures 1, 5, 10, 25 years down the road?
    image
    Report Reply
  • mlg78mlg78 member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Answers

    OP - When my fiancé and I disagree about stuff wedding-related and I ask the question here, I just show him the thread and responses and he tends to change his opinion. Try it with your fiancée.

    Regarding your sister, however... You could have her stand on your side. She doesn't need to be a bridesmaid and perhaps that's why she didn't want to. She's YOUR sister, after all...

    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards