No children wedding reception

Gelgel26 · August 2013

Hi, My fiancé and I will be having a mini destination wedding. We do not have children ourselves and would like a child-free reception. Am I responsible for paying for a baby sitter for guests that chose to bring their children anyway? What about niece and nephews IN wedding? What ettiquette do I need to know/ be aware of?

hannahkate86 · August 2013

I think its a little rude/poor etiquette to have your niece and nephew in your wedding and then tell them/their parents that they can't be at the reception. I'd say if you want to have a kid free reception you need to have a kid free ceremony. If their parents are okay with them not coming to the reception but having them be in the ceremony you should definitely cover a babysitter for you niece and nephew especially because you're having a destination wedding. I'd say for other guests' children it would be a very considerate thing to do, but not necessarily your responsibility if they're aware its a kid free reception.

MobKaz · August 2013

The simplest way to have a child free reception is by not inviting any children. If children are not invited, guests should not and cannot "choose" to bring their children anyway, at least not to the reception.

If, because of distance, guests choose to travel with their children, then it is up to them to make baby sitting arrangements. Personally, I would prefer to leave my children at home with a sitter I know rather than bring them along and have a complete stranger look after them. If you happen to know babysitters at your destination location, and pass that information along, that is certainly helpful. However, I see no reason why you should incur any cost.

ANY member of the bridal party, INCLUDING children, must be included at the reception.

bakerie · August 2013

It's perfectly acceptable to not invite children to your wedding. If people choose to bring their children when they are not invited, then that is just rude. It is not acceptable, however, to invite someone (be it children or adult) to the ceremony and not the reception. So, you must host your niece and nephew.

HobokensFury · August 2013

children in the WP are always the exception to the no kids rule.

bethsmiles · August 2013

If your niece and nephew are in the wedding they need to be invited to the reception. You don't need to provide any sort of babysitter for any kids your guests might choose to bring with them either.

OliveOilsMom · August 2013

Gelgel26 said:

Hi, My fiancé and I will be having a mini destination wedding. We do not have children ourselves and would like a child-free reception. Am I responsible for paying for a baby sitter for guests that chose to bring their children anyway? What about niece and nephews IN wedding? What ettiquette do I need to know/ be aware of?

As PP said, any children in the wedding party must also be invited to the reception. It's the fun part of the day for them! Otherwise, they are just props for pictures. As for the rest, just don't invite the children. You may have people who decline to attend because if your wedding is a destination that requires a hotel stay, they may not want to leave their kids for more than one day. And most parents won't want to leave their kids with any babysitter you hire, because they don't know that person.

Teddy917 · August 2013

Definitely have your niece and nephew at the reception. Think about it from the children's perspective: They had to get dress up in uncomfortable clothing, stand perfectly still, walk down an aisle carrying flowers or rings, smile for pictures. Then they're taken home because dear Auntie didn't invite them to the fun party with food and music and cake.
Even if you ignore the etiquette part of the situation, that's pretty mean.

Gelgel26 · August 2013

Thanks for this perspective

mrstobe2014 · August 2013

I have a few questions along this line. How do you inform guests of the no children policy? Also, I will have a few new mommies, so I was wondering if there is a way to say babies allowed?

bakerie · August 2013

mrstobe2014 said:

I have a few questions along this line. How do you inform guests of the no children policy? Also, I will have a few new mommies, so I was wondering if there is a way to say babies allowed?

You simply address the invitations only to those who are invited. If people RSVP for them plus their children, then call them up and say "Sorry for the misunderstanding, but the invitation was only for you and your spouse." As for the babies, since you said there are only a few, I would just call those women up personally and tell them they are welcome to bring their infants.

artbyallie · August 2013

mrstobe2014 said:

I have a few questions along this line. How do you inform guests of the no children policy? Also, I will have a few new mommies, so I was wondering if there is a way to say babies allowed?

You never ever say anything about who is not invited. Make your invitations very clear with the names of the invitee and significant other on the envelope, no 'and family's. If you like, make your RSVP cards say either "2 seats have been reserved in your honor," or write in the names like so:

Mr. John Doe _accepts _declines _meal choices (if you're having them)

Mrs. Jane Doe _accepts _declines etc.

If anyone RSVPs with their children, you call and tell them, "Sorry for the misunderstanding, but the invitation was just for you and Jane. Oh, you won't come if little Sally's not invited? I'm so sorry to hear that; you and Jane will be missed."

Bubbles2014 · August 2013

mrstobe2014 said:

I have a few questions along this line. How do you inform guests of the no children policy? Also, I will have a few new mommies, so I was wondering if there is a way to say babies allowed?

Call the women and tell them their babies are welcome, will they need an extra seat for baby things (bags and such... I don't know specifics, I'm not a baby person. I just know that my step son comes with a tonne of stuff). Young babies are the exception to the no kids rule as they may be breast feeding, or may be too young for a sitter (or parents aren't yet comfortable leaving them with a sitter)

kmmssg · August 2013

Young children are NOT an exception to the no kid rule. They "can" be, but it isn't automatic or required.

I worked my whole life, had babies, breastfed them, went to work, went to weddings, etc. Parents choose to have children. When they do that, their WILL be times they can't go somewhere because their kids aren't welcomed there. It is part of parenting. It isn't up to a host to change their plans because they have a guest with very small children. If the host wants to, then great! If not, then that is great too!

There will be times when all parents have to miss out on something fun because they have kids and can't get a sitter. Women go back to work 6 weeks (that was me), 12 weeks after giving birth and still are able to breastfeed. They can manage that with weddings too.

Sharpschruter22 · August 2013

We had a no children destination wedding and it worked out perfectly. We did have a flower girl and ring bearer who were of course invited to the reception.

My friends/fam would have written in their kids if I sent out response cards that have a blank space for number attending or just wrote the couple's names only on the invite, so I designed my response cards to say ".....blank....seats are reserved in your honor" and of course fill in the number for each before you send them out. This worked like a charm, I had no write ins and no children at the wedding minus my ring bearer and flower girl. It was perfect.

mrstobe2014 · August 2013

Thanks Ladies! That really helped clear it up for me, especially the response card portion. Ahh, peace of mind.

No children wedding reception

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