Pre-wedding Parties

Engagement party?

So, we want to have a out-of-country wedding. I cant expect all my friend to purchase a ticket to attend. We are in humanitarian work, so our country of service is very important to us, but we would like to celebrate our bond with everyone we love. We were thinking about an engagement party sometime around September once we are back in the states for a few months together, but before we are married.
Everywhere I read extremely insists that you don't invite people to an engagement party that aren't coming to your wedding.
I don't think it's too awful to just have an engagement celebration with everyone and then a wedding away. What do people who have destination weddings do?

Re: Engagement party?

  • If you invite someone to any pre-wedding party they have to be invited to the wedding.
    Blue_Bird
  • JCbride2015JCbride2015 Dirty Jerz member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    Have a big party in the States after your marriage, and invite anybody who couldn't come to the destination wedding.
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    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited July 2013
    Yes, anyone who is invited to any pre-wedding parties also needs to be invited to the wedding. You also shouldn't throw your own engagement party. 

    ETA: I also suggest changing your screen name so it isn't your full name. 


    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • Blue_BirdBlue_Bird Bawlmer member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments First Answer
    edited July 2013

    So, we want to have a out-of-country wedding. I cant expect all my friend to purchase a ticket to attend. We are in humanitarian work, so our country of service is very important to us, but we would like to celebrate our bond with everyone we love. We were thinking about an engagement party sometime around September once we are back in the states for a few months together, but before we are married. Everywhere I read extremely insists that you don't invite people to an engagement party that aren't coming to your wedding. I don't think it's too awful to just have an engagement celebration with everyone and then a wedding away. What do people who have destination weddings do?
    It's rude to invite people to an engagement (or other pre-wedding party) who aren't invited to your wedding. If you invite them and they decide they can't make it, that's different. 
  • Unless you are traditional you should just do what will make you happy.  Everyone's circumstances are different. I have people from work coming to my engagement party who I cannot afford to have at the wedding, but would love to have them celebrate with me.  I am having separate engagement parties because my family live interstate I don't expect them to travel up here for every pre-wedding event.  I only just joined this website today and all these rules and regulations for weddings!?!?!.... pffft to that I am doing what I want, otherwise I will just stress myself out trying to please everyone else. 
    katienjeff
  • I don't think in this scenario it's tradition vs. etiquette. I think it would be rude of you to send an invitation to people who obviously can't make it, say if the wedding is in another country. 
    Why don't you do something in the middle, like have a cookout in your backyard, so all your new relatives can meet one another and get to know each other? 
    While we're sticking to the whole "those invited to the engagement party are invited to the wedding" thing, we are doing a small cookout in the backyard so our relatives can meet one another- we thought it would be nicer than just throwing them together the day of the wedding, and everyone can enjoy one another's company versus a "me me me" atmosphere. And we're doing it ourselves, because even though it's an engagement party- it really isn't. We've been engaged for a long time now so everyone knows that. We just want everyone to be comfortable with one another.
    So really from that perspective, I think it depends on what you really want to do. :D
  • People who have DW's only invite people to their engagement party if they are invited to the wedding.  Usually they forego e parties, showers, and bach parties because of small guest lists but not always.  Proper etiquette and manners doesn't change.

    Moirbindy, I am sorry you are choosing to ignore good manners so you can do what you want.  Etiquette has NOTHING to do with trying \to please eveyrone.  It is about making your guests comfortable and treating them properly - with good manners.  So sorry to hear you won't be bothering with that.
    Dreamergirl8812
  • doeydodoeydo Southwestern Ontario member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    If you invite someone to any pre-wedding party they have to be invited to the wedding.
    I second that.  It is just a social/etiquette thing.  Plus, they will sort of assume that they will be invited to the wedding and then when they are not, it may cause awkwardness and hurt feelings.
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  • I think you have two options here:
    1. Have a post-wedding party at home, and invite everyone you feel like inviting. (However, this is just a party, not a wedding do-over, so treat it as such). 

    2. Have a pre-wedding party at home, and just call it a party, and not an engagement party. Invite anyone you want. It has nothing to do with your wedding. 


    There are pros and cons to any wedding situation--one of the cons of having a small wedding (whether local or destination) is that you are limited in the people you can invite to any pre-wedding festivities. 
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