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Sisters vs. sister in law

JuliehavensJuliehavens member
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Do my fiancé really wants his sister in our wedding party as my bridesmaid (he's very much against mixed gender wedding parties), but We only plan on having 6 people in each party, and I have nine sisters. I know some of my sisters would be really offended if I chose my new sister in law over them to be a bridesmaid, AND then I also have friends I want to be in my wedding party! No matter what, someone is going to disappointed, but who do I disappoint? :(
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Re: Sisters vs. sister in law

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    GlassButtonGlassButton member
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    No one here can tell you who to disappoint since we don't personally know you or your relationship with these people. What I will tell you is that you pick your own wedding party if your FI is really against mixed parties then tough. You don't have to have his sister in your bridal party simply because she's your SIL. you should explain this to your FI.
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    kipnuskipnus member
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    If your FI wants his sister in the wedding party, she should stand on his side. This is becoming very common these days. 

    You don't need to have even sides, so if you are close to all of your sisters, you can have all of them stand with you. Don't choose your FSIL as a bridesmaid over your sisters and friends.
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    Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
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    First, you do not have to have even wedding parties.  If you want 13 people standing up on your side then go for it.  Just make sure that everyone you ask is a close friend or family member.

    Second, do not let anyone dictate to you who should or should not be in your wedding.  If you do not want to ask your FSIL then you do not have to.  If your FI gets pissy then tough.  You are a grown woman and can make decision for yourself.

    Can I ask why your FI is so against mixed gender wedding parties?  What if one of your nearest and dearest was male?  Would you exclude him because of your FI issues?  That would very hurtful to not only you but your close friend.


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    PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
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    Not only what Glass said, but having even sides is not a good reason to exclude ppl from the wedding party.

    Now, if you are not close with your FSIL, then I wouldn't include her. Your FI can either get over the mixed gender sides, or get over the fact that his sister will not be in the WP.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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    bethsmilesbethsmiles member
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    You don't have to have even sides. So ask as many or as few people as you want. Also, I would only ask the people closest to you rather than asking out of obligation. If your FI doesn't want to ask his sister to stand on his side, that's on him - you don't have to ask her.


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    phiraphira member
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    Forget about gender and limits and make your list of the people you want standing up with you when you get married. Do you want all nine sisters? Awesome. Do you want all nine sisters + your three best friends? Go for it. All nine sisters + your two best girlfriends + your guy friend who's like a brother to you? Works for me.

    I can understand if you want to limit yourself to 6 people to prevent asking just about EVERYONE to be a bridesmaid. But if you feel like you can't ask 6 of your sisters without upsetting the other three, and/or you'd be upset if you could only have 6 of your sisters as bridesmaids instead of all of them ... then why limit yourself?

    Your fiance gets to choose who stands up with him. If he doesn't want to ask his sister to be a groomswoman, then he can find some other way to include her (escorting an elderly family member down the aisle, or doing a reading during the ceremony). If he doesn't want more than 6 people on his side, then he shouldn't ask more than 6 people.

    Yeah, you might have to disappoint some people. You're going to disappoint plenty of people--weddings have a habit of doing that. However, your fiance is being unreasonable and controlling by insisting you make his sister a bridesmaid when it would be easier for everyone if she were a groomswoman.
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    southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
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    If you're not close to her, don't ask his sister. If he wants her to stand up in the wedding, he can have her on his side. If he's against women standing up on his side, he can be the one to explain to FSIL why he excluded her from the WP - not your problem.

    You also don't need to have even sides. You could have 9, FI could have 4. No big deal. No one cares. Think about what's more important: incorporating the people you love? Or having symmetrical pictures?

    If I were you with such a huge family, I'd just ask all my sisters to stand up for me - no friends. If you want to include your friends, invite them to your tastings, your floral appts, dress shopping, etc. They don't have to be BMs. If anyone throws you a bachelorette and/or shower, just ask whoever is throwing it to add them to the guest list. They'll be more intimately involved yet you won't have half your guest list standing on your side. 
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    NOLAbridealmostNOLAbridealmost member
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    I honestly think it's ridiculous that he would expect you to include his sister if you weren't even including all of your own sisters.  I mean.....seriously. Ridiculous.
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    misssunshine17misssunshine17 member
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    It sounds like you should just not have a bridal party. It shouldn't be this difficult. 
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    Jen4948Jen4948 member
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    edited August 2013
    There's no rule requiring you to have even sides.

    There's no rule requiring you to ask all your sisters.

    There's no rule requiring you to ask your FSIL.  If it's that important to your FI that she be in the wedding party, she can stand up on his side.

    Choose the people you feel closest to-not because you share DNA with them or because they share DNA with your FI. 
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    LavenderHoneyBeeLavenderHoneyBee member
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    I'm sorry - I'm stuck on the fact that you are one 10 girls. TEN. TEN????? I think it' amazing. And I also want to know more. 

    But anyways - why 6? Who cares if its 6 or 9 or 10 or 12? Have who you want to have and don't limit yourself for some arbitrary reason. I would personally have his sister bc I think it's a nice gesture. But it seems like you have a lot of issues to figure out with the WP. 
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    yellowdaisies84yellowdaisies84 member
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    You could definitely consider skipping the bridal party and having him choose one person and you choose one person to stand up with you- Best Man and Maid of Honour. That way you keep things small and simple and you don't have the stress of choosing between people or having a crazy big amount of bridesmaids. This will simplify so many wedding issues for you and may even save you money. 
    "It's always better when we're together." -Jack Johnson
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    Bubbles2014Bubbles2014 member
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    You pick your people, he picks his. Simple as that. Don't set a number limit, pick the people you want to have.

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    PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
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    alisonmarie658 said:
    I agree with PP -- don't have a wedding party at all or just have a MOH/BM and call it a day.
    I find this solution to be a bit extreme.  If OP has a large number of sisters and wants to include them all, she can.  It's totally up to her how many people and who she wants to include in the bridal party.

    The problem seems to be with her FI and his sister, and they need to sort that out between themselves.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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