Needing Some Encouragement

Re: Needing Some Encouragement

• fre3doms member

  

  August 2013

  I'm not married yet. My fiance and I actually like never argue or fight so I cannot be much help there either...
  
  My advice would just try and read the Bible every day if possible. Sometimes I only read a verse or two and try and meditate on it. And for prayer I wish I did it more too. Sometimes I journal my prayers. I try and pray on my drive to and from work, in the shower, laying in bed and wherever I get a chance.
  
  Hope some of the other ladies can give you more advice.
  

  
  

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• fpaemp2011 member

  

  August 2013

  We were long distance (1100 miles--saw each other once) for 4 1/2 months before our wedding.  One thing we made sure we did before he moved was to go on dates where there was absolutely no wedding talk.  We would talk about marriage, sure, but not about the ceremony, reception, invitations, none of it. 

  
  

  We've actually never fought- there have been many times that we've disagreed, but my parents fought so much while I was growing up that I know it gets you nowhere, so we always calmly discuss what we don't agree on and come up with a solution.  I'm also the oldest in my family--the peacemaker-- and he's the youngest who watched four of his older siblings go through about 10 years of not speaking to each other.  We both know there are better ways of communicating than fighting. 

  
  

  We're also much stronger as a couple when we do our own quiet times and have Bible time together.  We've also prayed together every night since the wedding (since that was the first night we were together) and I think that helps a lot, too.

  
  
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• flutterfly88 member

  

  August 2013

  thanks for the encouragement ladies.

  I'm sorry @elBecko that your reunion with FI after 10 weeks apart was a harder adjustment than you thought. Hopefully things will smooth out soon. Any more LD time before your big day, or was that it?

  I need to train my self to not hit the snooze button in the mornings, that's what really kills me. I would have lots of time, if I just got up when I meant to and not stayed in bed. In my ideal life I would wake up and read my Bible right away. I've done it in the past, but usually I can only go a couple of weeks before I break my cycle. FI and I had about a month from mid-May to mid-June where we read the Bible and prayed almost every day together. It was great, but he went out of town for a week, and we got out of the habit.

  @fpaemp2011 I also grew up in a household where my parents fought a lot. I said to FI the other night, that I feel like I'm starting to follow in my parents patterns, and I hate it. I don't want to have a relationship that is full of arguing, holding grudges, and staying together just for the kids (that will hopefully come!) sake. I know I can't do it by my own strength, I know that I am a major part of the problem, reacting to the things that irritate me, and not just letting it go, and I know in my head that connecting with God will help, I just need to put it into practise. We'll be starting our pre-marriage counselling at the beginning of next month, so hopefully that will help us both.

   

   

   

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• Ash61612 member

  

  August 2013

  I was really stressed as the wedding got closer (a lot of drama with people in the wedding party dropping out, etc) that the littlest thing would upset. I finally had to get the mind set that the day was going to fine because at the end of the day I was marrying the man I loved.

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• ochemjenn member

  

  August 2013

  "I want to want to read the Bible and pray more, it just seems there is a block there for some reason. Does anyone else struggle with this?"

  Lots of people struggle with this.  We actually talked about it in our women's Bible study a few weeks ago.  Some of them tried to make a habit of reading the Bible, either by setting their alarm earlier in the morning, or sitting down to read first thing when they got home from work or after eating dinner.  Others liked to make use of the 2-3 minutes they have standing in line at the cafeteria (They work in the same place - they're all DH's co-workers.), and they'll read using an iPhone app.  I'm more of a situational reader.  I'll think of something and say to myself, that reminds me of something in the Book of Job....

  All you OML did you and your DHs go through a time of lots of arguing or fighting just before your weddings?

  The month before our wedding was very stressful.  DH graduated from med school and we moved all of our things from NC to SC.  Neither of us were thrilled about moving to SC, but that's where he got his job.  I'd told him I wouldn't have a lot of time to pack because it was the end of the semester and it wasn't like I could get work done early because I couldn't grade finals before students took them.  I was having disagreements with my mother about wedding things (I didn't want a limo.  She booked one anyway, etc.), and DH became a sounding board for that.  It wasn't so much that we were fighting with each other but that we were generally strained and I was fighting with my mother. 

  Fighting, how we fight, what we don't like about how the other person fights, were things we discussed in pre-marital counseling.  I grew up in a house where my dad would try to pick fights.  I'd learned that by yelling back, I wouldn't become a target as often.  However, I also know that DH doesn't like yelling, he didn't grow up with it even (which still boggles my mind), and it's something I try to control.

  

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