efa

bakela · August 2013

MayDay513 · August 2013

bakela said:

So my fiance and I got engaged this past February. He proposed when we closed on our new house...so the wedding stuff got pushed aside for a while as we were overwhelmed with new house things. Well its been six months now and we've been getting down to the nitty-gritty wedding planning stuff. We are doing great on the logistics, like setting a date, choosing a menu and booking a photographer. So now we are starting to pick out our wedding party. We are simple people and are planning on a guest list of no more than 170 (as that's what our venue's max is) and we want to keep a small bridal party. He has two sisters, I have one brother. He has three good friends and I have many good girlfriends. So he is all set with my brother and his three friends. I definitely want to include his sisters and my two best friends (close since birth). I figured that we would be good there, 4 and 4, perfect...but this is where the dilemma comes in. I have a god daughter, who is 16...has spent her whole life wanting to be my flower girl...well since i didn't get married 6 years ago...she's now much too old and I've decided to include her as a Jr. Bridesmaid, so up to 5 now. Next come two friends, one from high school and one from college. I was asked out right on Facebook by the high school friend who was going to be in my wedding...well I thought this kind of out of place, as I know that she was fishing to see if I was going to ask her...(I was in her wedding 6 years ago, first one, right out of high school) Since she and I have only kept in touch through Facebook and rarely see each other in person, I knew I wasn't going to have her in our wedding, so I told her, on Facebook, something I'd rather not have had to do. She was very hurt...despite my trying to explain. So, I'm ok with that decision...but next comes the college friend. She has actually just gotten married herself this past weekend. So during my engagement she's been wrapped up in her wedding planning and really hasn't had time to talk with me about mine. She and I were very close in college, we lived together for a year and have also traveled together many times. Since I have not lived near by the last few years, we have spent less time together as we go on our own ways. This is fine...it's part of life; and honestly she can be a bit much some times so space is good for our friendship and its nice to spend time together when we can here and there. I know that she is expecting me to ask her to be a bridesmaid. And I'm struggling with whether I want to include her or not. I know that she will be very upset if she's not asked...weddings are very important to her (she did a whole asking us bridesmaids with a puzzle thing and had about 9 bridesmaids in her wedding b/c she couldn't exclude anyone) I think she feels I'm closer to her than she is to me at this point in our lives, and I'm not sure she knows that. Also this college friend and my childhood friends don't get along so well...I'm worried about drama down the line if she's included. Also she's planning on having a baby pretty soon, like in 4-5 months and I'm imagining her going into labor at my wedding (as we plan on getting married next October...14 months away). All this makes me think I shouldn't have her, but at the same time we have spent so much important time together and she has been a big part of my life and I know she would go over the moon to help me plan this day. Basically, I'm asking if anyone out there has any good advice on how to discuss this all with her, and whether I should look past the fact that she'll be the 6th person in my "small" bridal party, just ask her and avoid the heartache...or if it would be better to explain to her my worries and see if she'd understand why I am hesitating about asking her? Any helpful thoughts would be appreciated!

Thanks a Bunch...
A Worried Bride

Please use paragraphs. The big block of words makes it very discouraging to want to read.
1. you do not need the same number of people in the wedding party.
2. you do not need to have all siblings in the wedding party.
3. get over people being hurt they aren't in the wedding. They will need to get over it too. You don't need to explain to everyone why they didn't make the cut.
4. best way I've seen suggested on the knot, is pick your nearest and dearest for your WP.

MayDay513 · August 2013

Oh. I type out all that advice and you pull a DD? Really?!?!?!?!

allispain · August 2013

What's with the DD?

chellekel · August 2013

If the wedding isn't for 14 months, it is too soon to be asking people to be in the wedding party anyway. Wait until about 6-9 months out because relationship can change, even if you are 100% sure that they won't...they will.

MayDay513 · August 2013

allispain said:

What's with the DD?

Dirty Delete.

allispain · August 2013

huynhette said:

allispain said:

What's with the DD?

Dirty Delete.

Oh yeah, I know what it means. I was asking why she deleted her post in the first place. It's not like you gave her bad advice or were mean or anything.

MayDay513 · August 2013

allispain said:

huynhette said:

allispain said:

What's with the DD?

Dirty Delete.

Oh yeah, I know what it means. I was asking why she deleted her post in the first place. It's not like you gave her bad advice or were mean or anything.

HA. Sorry. That was a reading comprehension issue on my end. By the time I posted she had already deleted her post. So it wasn't even a reaction to my post.

PrettyGirlLost · August 2013

Wow, @huynhette! You are so mean you got a poster to DD BEFORE you even finished posting ;-)

Now to the OP:

1. It's good advice not to pick your wedding party too far out, on the off chance that relationships will change. It might not be the case for you, but WP issue posts are brought up often enough that it happens.

2. Ask you nearest and dearest family and friends to be in your wedding party. Don't worry about even sides or some arbitrary number. These are the people closest to you and your FI, they are not props.

3. Junior Bridesmaid is a silly term. Ditch it. if a 16 year old is mature enough and close enough to you to be in your WP, then she's mature enough to be called a bridesmaid.

4. Don't concern yourself with whether or not BM A gets along with BM B. They are adults, trust them to act like it even if they are mortal enemies. If they can't act like adults, then deal with that situation when it arises. Don't try to plan ahead for possible issues

5. Don't concern yourself with other people's reproductive plans. Pregnant people are in weddings all of the time, it's fine. They don't ruin anyone's photos. If one of your BM's becomes pregnant during your engagement, be happy for her and let her worry about whether or not she can still be in the WP.

MayDay513 · August 2013

PrettyGirlLost said:

Wow, @huynhette! You are so mean you got a poster to DD BEFORE you even finished posting ;-)

Now to the OP:

1. It's good advice not to pick your wedding party too far out, on the off chance that relationships will change. It might not be the case for you, but WP issue posts are brought up often enough that it happens.

2. Ask you nearest and dearest family and friends to be in your wedding party. Don't worry about even sides or some arbitrary number. These are the people closest to you and your FI, they are not props.

3. Junior Bridesmaid is a silly term. Ditch it. if a 16 year old is mature enough and close enough to you to be in your WP, then she's mature enough to be called a bridesmaid.

4. Don't concern yourself with whether or not BM A gets along with BM B. They are adults, trust them to act like it even if they are mortal enemies. If they can't act like adults, then deal with that situation when it arises. Don't try to plan ahead for possible issues

5. Don't concern yourself with other people's reproductive plans. Pregnant people are in weddings all of the time, it's fine. They don't ruin anyone's photos. If one of your BM's becomes pregnant during your engagement, be happy for her and let her worry about whether or not she can still be in the WP.

I'm just "hella rude" like that it's how I roll.

OliveOilsMom · August 2013

Wait to ask your bridal party. It's too early if your wedding is still over a year out. It doesn't sound like you should ask either your high school friend or college friend. Don't tell people they aren't in the BP. They will figure it out soon enough when you never ask them to be in the wedding. Weddings aren't tit for tat, just because you were a BM in a friends wedding doesn't mean she needs to be in yours.

Also, 16 is a little old to be a Jr. BM. My Jr BM was 10 years old. You could always ask your goddaughter to be a reader if you don't want her in the BP.

southernbelle0915 · August 2013

Since I'm quite certain OP is still lurking since she was quoted and her question is now "down in the knot history books"... I'll give it a shot.

1) Ask whoever you want to be in your wedding party.

2) Men can stand up on the bride's side and women can stand up on the groom's side - his two sisters can stand up on his side and your brother on yours.

3) Sides do not have to be even. To not include important people because symmetry is silly.

All this other stuff is noise.

Teddy917 · August 2013

Best way I've heard to figure out who to put in your bridal party: Who would I call to help me bury the dead body?

mercimarie · August 2013

Ha! Teddy! Great answer, that gets a love from me.

Teddy917 · August 2013

Thanks @mercimarie!

GypsyWife_ · August 2013

Is that serious teddy? I don't have any friends but I do have people I trust to help me bury a dead body. It'd be OK to ask them then?

Simply Fated · August 2013

GypsyBridetobe said:
Is that serious teddy? I don't have any friends but I do have people I trust to help me bury a dead body. It'd be OK to ask them then?

Teddy didn't say "friends." You did.

GypsyWife_ · August 2013

Yes I did... what do you mean? @simply fated

Simply Fated · August 2013

GypsyBridetobe said:

Yes I did... what do you mean? @simply fated

You sound hurt by Teddy's suggestion. What about it bothered you, since what seemed to bother you wasn't even something she said...

GypsyWife_ · August 2013

Lol. I.wasn't hurt I was being serious. Let me rephrase.
Its OK to have people In Your wp you love and trust but aren't the closest of friends?

Teddy917 · August 2013

I probably wouldn't put people in my WP who I'm not close too. For me, the people I would ask to help me bury the dead body are people I'm close to.
Eta But it depends on how you determine close.

Simply Fated · August 2013

GypsyBridetobe said:

Lol. I.wasn't hurt I was being serious. Let me rephrase. Its OK to have people In Your wp you love and trust but aren't the closest of friends?

That's a hard one. I love and trust my closest friends. And my parents and a few family members, as well.
People in your wedding party are supposed to be the people closest to you. I think in a way it goes hand in hand. At least to me it does. I can't really be close to someone if I don't trust them and I can't love someone if I'm not close to them. That's JUST me, though.

GypsyWife_ · August 2013

Its a distance thing for me. I'd be best friends with them if I lived closer. I don't like talking on the phone. But we chat everyday on Facebook. I've been told before by some people it wouldn't be appropriate to ask them. But since I always like your advice teddy. I'd like you to chime in.

Teddy917 · August 2013

I'm glad you like my advice @GypsyBridetobe. I think since it's just a matter of geographical distance and not emotional distance, I would ask them. The people that are telling you not to are probably thinking of those friends' ability to do BM "duties", which are baloney anyway. I would recommend that you try to find either a store with a website to order from, one that has franchises in several states, or say any dress within such-and-such guidelines. I prefer the last one myself, since then they can find a dress that they might be able to wear again.

efa

Re: efa

Choose Another Board

Search Boards