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Wedding Etiquette Forum

Is this really a thing?

I went to a wedding of a family member last week and after the ceremony, there was a 1 to 1.5 hr gap. No food was offered and the alcohol was not free (well, light beers were free but everything else cost $$). I assumed the gap was for taking pictures and although gaps are rude, I know they commonly happen so I don't get too worked up over them.

My mom told me that she asked one of the bridesmaids she saw roaming around when pictures were going to be done so they could eat and she said, "Oh, we did pictures before the ceremony. The bridal party is just hanging out at the bar downstairs drinking."

Ceremony and reception were at the same location....but they had an unnecessary gap so they could drink at a private bar without their guests.

Do people really do this? Is this really a thing????? I have never heard of this and am appalled. I had a lot of my family members tell me "You really set the bar at your wedding!" so again, I need to thank the knot for teaching me proper etiquette, although it really is common sense that you don't leave your guests stranded with no food and expensive drinks so that you can host your own private party downstairs.


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Re: Is this really a thing?

  • I don't think that's a thing. At all. I've heard of it with party buses, but at the bar downstairs? That's above and beyond rude. I wouldn't hold your breath for that TY note!
  • Was it a gap or a cocktail hour? A cocktail hour isn't pay off the gap.

    That said, offering only beer and no food while you privately drink with your WP is rude as hell.
  • A girl on my local board was planning to do this a few months ago. I think she still did go bar hopping with her wedding party during their gap.

    She wanted to "spend exclusive time" with the bridal party, since they're the most important and that's what she wants to do since it's HER day.

     

  • hordolhordol member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments First Answer First Anniversary
    edited August 2013
    banana468 said:
    Was it a gap or a cocktail hour? A cocktail hour isn't pay off the gap. That said, offering only beer and no food while you privately drink with your WP is rude as hell.
    They might have considered it a cocktail hour, I'm not sure. But my definition of a cocktail hour includes food and drinks. :) Hah. The bar was there, but you could only get miller and coors light for free. All other beer, all wine, and any liquor cost money. And of course, the free beer was only free until the keg ran out, which one did before dinner and one did during dinner so there's that.

    So most of us just sat at our tables waiting...and waiting....and I saw many people get pissy and openly complain about the situation because they were getting hungry. MANY people.

    ETA: Cash bars are common in my area, so I don't think anyone was particularly surprised about that, but they did not like waiting to eat.
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  • I am confused.  Repeating the question Banana asked but was this a cocktail hour or an actual gap?  To me it sounds like a poorly planned and rude cocktail hour.  I was in a wedding where we took some pictures after the ceremony but when we arrived at the venue we still had about a 30 or so minute wait until the guests cocktail hour was over with so we all just hung out in a separate room snacking and having a few drinks.  But the difference between my example and the one OP gave was that the guests were also provided the same food and drink for free at the cocktail hour.

    I have no problem if the bride and groom want some down time between the ceremony and reception even if all their pictures were taken already but at least host your guests properly while they are waiting.  But then again, I love cocktail hours so there is that.


  • Not even "munchies" sitting out? Nothing? Lousy. I would have left.
  • I am confused.  Repeating the question Banana asked but was this a cocktail hour or an actual gap?  To me it sounds like a poorly planned and rude cocktail hour.  I was in a wedding where we took some pictures after the ceremony but when we arrived at the venue we still had about a 30 or so minute wait until the guests cocktail hour was over with so we all just hung out in a separate room snacking and having a few drinks.  But the difference between my example and the one OP gave was that the guests were also provided the same food and drink for free at the cocktail hour.

    I have no problem if the bride and groom want some down time between the ceremony and reception even if all their pictures were taken already but at least host your guests properly while they are waiting.  But then again, I love cocktail hours so there is that.

    I'm not sure, like I said above they may have considered it to be a cocktail hour. But I thought cocktail hours usually involve food? So I considered it a gap. I am no wedding expert so I could be wrong, but I just assumed food AND drink needed to be part of a cocktail hour to consider it as such. But you are right in that they probably considered it a cocktail hour.
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  • Sounds to me like it was also a very poorly planned cocktail hour. I mean, really, a cocktail hour without food? No thanks.

    I've been to weddings before where it was obvious that the WP was off in another room during cocktail hour instead of taking pictures. Never bothered me. I just assumed that they needed a little break before getting back into the center of attention. However, those weddings always had so much food at cocktail hour that I didn't know what to do with myself!
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  • hordolhordol member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments First Answer First Anniversary
    edited August 2013
    I guess what bothered me most about this was that the gap was completely unnecessary and no one really knew what to do. My sister was so hungry that her alcohol hit her a little too quickly, lol, and she was voicing her disdain a little too loudly. My cousins were no more pleased. I have no problem with a cocktail hour for whatever reason, even if you just need a break from the day, but I just didn't even realize it was supposed to be a cocktail hour because there was nothing hosted for us to munch on so we just sat around wondering when dinner was going to start.
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  • It sounds like a sucky and unnecessary cocktail hour. 
  • misssunshine17 said:
    It sounds like a sucky and unnecessary cocktail hour. 
    This.  I wouldn't stick around for the reception.  If it's "her day" she can have it without me-and it sounds like that's what she wanted anyway-to have "her day" without anyone but her favored few.
  • It sounds like a bad cocktail hour. However - they did at least provide a free option. While it may not have been your cup of tea (or brand of beer) it was at least something. Many would think they shouldn't have even had the cash bar offerings for the other options, and just 'hosted what they could".


  • It sounds like a bad cocktail hour. However - they did at least provide a free option. While it may not have been your cup of tea (or brand of beer) it was at least something. Many would think they shouldn't have even had the cash bar offerings for the other options, and just 'hosted what they could".

    Yes - I am one of the many who think that they should have properly hosted their cocktail hour and only offered what they were willing to host. They should have had some type of snacks. Even chex mix would be cheap but better than nothing. Apparently they had money to burn at a private little get together, but not to properly host the other (less important) guests who attended their ceremony. 
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  • It sounds like a bad cocktail hour. However - they did at least provide a free option. While it may not have been your cup of tea (or brand of beer) it was at least something. Many would think they shouldn't have even had the cash bar offerings for the other options, and just 'hosted what they could".


    I am one of the many that says they should have just hosted what they could? However, I don't judge the cash bar TOO hard because it is so common, but I hate it when it's confusing. Everyone was saying "Beer is free but you have to pay for everything else" so I was like, okay. I go up to the bar and order a beer I see they have on tap but that was not free--it was $5 for a little plastic cup. Then the bartender told me that miller and coors were the hosted beer. So it was just a little confusing for me.

    And I do agree with everyone that it was supposed to be a cocktail hour, I apologize for using the word "gap" in my original post. I will be completely honest that I didn't even realize that it was supposed to be a cocktail hour (cocktail hour means appetizers to me) so I didn't really think of it that way until you guys mentioned that. But you are right, so we can move on from that fact.

    The only thing that kind of bothered me about the situation was that you spend the whole day with your bridal party, especially when you do pictures before hand. That's what I did and I couldn't wait to start partying with my guests afterwards. When they had their own private party downstairs for an hour to an hour and a half while leaving the rest of us sitting around upstairs wondering where they are, I find that kind of rude. During the time, I just figured they were taking pics so while the no hosted food or drinks was kind of annoying, I didn't get that annoyed about it. What annoyed me is when I found out after the fact that they were having a little mini party downstairs. I'm sorry, but I don't like the attitude that assumes that just because it's your big day that no one minds waiting around for you and that you can make your entrance whenever you want.
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  • I agree with you, the B+G should have been with their guests. I find that weird. But I guess some people think it's "tradition" to have the B+G introduced for the reception. Personally, I can't wait to attend the cocktail hour!!

  • hordol said:
    It sounds like a bad cocktail hour. However - they did at least provide a free option. While it may not have been your cup of tea (or brand of beer) it was at least something. Many would think they shouldn't have even had the cash bar offerings for the other options, and just 'hosted what they could".


    I am one of the many that says they should have just hosted what they could? However, I don't judge the cash bar TOO hard because it is so common, but I hate it when it's confusing. Everyone was saying "Beer is free but you have to pay for everything else" so I was like, okay. I go up to the bar and order a beer I see they have on tap but that was not free--it was $5 for a little plastic cup. Then the bartender told me that miller and coors were the hosted beer. So it was just a little confusing for me.

    And I do agree with everyone that it was supposed to be a cocktail hour, I apologize for using the word "gap" in my original post. I will be completely honest that I didn't even realize that it was supposed to be a cocktail hour (cocktail hour means appetizers to me) so I didn't really think of it that way until you guys mentioned that. But you are right, so we can move on from that fact.

    The only thing that kind of bothered me about the situation was that you spend the whole day with your bridal party, especially when you do pictures before hand. That's what I did and I couldn't wait to start partying with my guests afterwards. When they had their own private party downstairs for an hour to an hour and a half while leaving the rest of us sitting around upstairs wondering where they are, I find that kind of rude. During the time, I just figured they were taking pics so while the no hosted food or drinks was kind of annoying, I didn't get that annoyed about it. What annoyed me is when I found out after the fact that they were having a little mini party downstairs. I'm sorry, but I don't like the attitude that assumes that just because it's your big day that no one minds waiting around for you and that you can make your entrance whenever you want.
    I would have been pissed. But I probably wouldn't have left because it would be hungry and thirsty by then. I'd eat as much of their food as I could.



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  • Soon as I heard that, I would have found the biggest blabbermouth in the room, told her/him, and then left. Taking my gift with me.
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