Is a garter necessary?

mercimarie · August 2013

So, FI and I are want to skip the garter toss and the bouquet toss. FI and I don't have many single friends and I remember going to a wedding where I was all but dragged onto the dance flour with literally 2 other single women for a bouquet toss and I felt like it was Parade of the Spinsters. Last October FI and I went to a wedding where both of these were skipped and no one even noticed, however I am still waiting for that thank you card so I'm not exactly using this wedding as my beacon of etiquette. Anyway my questions is this; are these two.... activities (??) traditions that shouldn't be shirked or can I do away with this silliness?

KeptInStitches · August 2013

If you don't want them, you don't have to do them.

arrippa · August 2013

It's definitely not necessary. I am not doing a garter or bouquet toss either.

Edit: I can't delete the weird coding.

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gothic_fairy60 · August 2013

That is a matter of preference. There are plenty on this site that don't see the point in doing either or consider them degrading. You already know that if they are skipped, it is likely not to be a big deal but you might hear something from those close to you as some might enjoy it. This is a case of know your crowd. Either way you should do what you would like. If you want to skip it then skip it and on the off chance someone asks just say that you and your fi have chosen to skip it. If they persist, bean dip them.

SunriseAmber · August 2013

Ditto pp. If you don't want one then don't feel pressured to have one. I am definitely not doing it.

MayDay513 · August 2013

mercimarie said:

So, FI and I are want to skip the garter toss and the bouquet toss. FI and I don't have many single friends and I remember going to a wedding where I was all but dragged onto the dance flour with literally 2 other single women for a bouquet toss and I felt like it was Parade of the Spinsters. Last October FI and I went to a wedding where both of these were skipped and no one even noticed, however I am still waiting for that thank you card so I'm not exactly using this wedding as my beacon of etiquette. Anyway my questions is this; are these two.... activities (??) traditions that shouldn't be shirked or can I do away with this silliness?

We did what we wanted. We did bouquet toss. I work a garter just because.

mercimarie · August 2013

Sweet, ok so this seems to be something that is catching on. I definitely don't feel like such a party pooper anymore! When I asked my mum she had a sort of "Good Heavens! How WILL you fill those 20 minutes!?" reaction so this is a nice surprise.

Maggie0829 · August 2013

These two activites are completely up to you and your Fi as to whether you want to do them or not. if people in your crowd like it, that should not sway your decision. If you don't want to do it then you don't have to.

H and I did neither the bouquet or garter toss. We felt like the less time consuming boring stuff we had to make guests sit through the more time we had to party and dance.

Jessa617 · August 2013

I wore a garter because one of my BM's bought one for me...but I didn't do anything with it. We didn't do a bouquet or garter toss. Only one person (H little sister) came up to me asking about a bouquet toss so I tossed her own bouquet to her. She was happy with that.

If no one had bought the garter for me, I wouldn't have even worn one to begin with.

MayDay513 · August 2013

Jessa617 said:

I wore a garter because one of my BM's bought one for me...but I didn't do anything with it. We didn't do a bouquet or garter toss. Only one person (H little sister) came up to me asking about a bouquet toss so I tossed her own bouquet to her. She was happy with that.

If no one had bought the garter for me, I wouldn't have even worn one to begin with.

Same here. DH bought mine.

Bookie7 · August 2013

I don't think the garter or bouquet toss is absolutely necessary. It's your day, your choice.

msuprincess04 · August 2013

Nope, we are skipping it too. I haven't been to a wedding in years that even had it. But, I figured that came with being part of an older (30+) crowd.

arrippa · August 2013

msuprincess04 said:

Nope, we are skipping it too. I haven't been to a wedding in years that even had it. But, I figured that came with being part of an older (30+) crowd.

It's funny that you mentioned that. My mid-30's friend was married about a year ago and she had them. Being dragged up there with three other people sealed it in my mind. It was humiliating (I tried to dodge it but she called me out by name).

mercimarie · August 2013

This is such a relief, thank you all so much for your responses (mostly because they validated my own opinion haha). I'll definitely put my energy to better use in other areas. Like wine!

Pepper6 · August 2013

We skipped them both. We did do an 'anniversary' dance though as a way to give away my bouquet, but mostly because I attended a wedding where they did one and I thought it was just cute to see all the married couples dancing. My bouquet ended up going to my coworker who'd been married 47 years. (we also did it in a way so it wasn't a big production type of spotlight dance, just something fun)

allispain · August 2013

We didn't do either - I think we had all of 3 single male guests and maybe 4 single female guests. Would have been super awkward for them. Plus I've never really liked that sort of thing - I'd rather just dance the night away :-)

Dreamergirl8812 · August 2013

I think bouquet and garter tosses are tacky. Definitely not having either.

misssunshine17 · August 2013

I'm not doing one, but I'm wearing a garter since I think they're sexy. I promise no one will miss it.

WinstonsGirl · August 2013

We skipped it, and I didn't wear a garter, even though I had 5 or so. I kept getting free ones at bridal shows and with my dress. I think they're in a box somewhere. DH had no desire to put his head up my dress in front of friends and family. I was fine with that too.

On another note, I was so happy to get married and avoid the "single catch the bouquet" time, but no one has done it since my wedding. Nothing to avoid anymore

Dreamergirl8812 · August 2013

misssunshine17 said:

I'm not doing one, but I'm wearing a garter since I think they're sexy. I promise no one will miss it.

^^^^^ True that.

aurianna · August 2013

We did the bouquet toss (I just think it's cute and there were lots of single ladies at the wedding). We did not do the garter toss; just not our thing. (though apparently some people in his family were disappointed because they didn't get a shot of husband's head up my dress. Yes. That's actually something they wanted to see. A lot of them were also confused when we didn't do the dollar dance).
Definitely do what's right for you guys.

Bubbles2014 · August 2013

I'm not doing either. I'm not even wearing a garter, which my mother can't comprehend. I looks like it'd annoy me.

southernbelle0915 · August 2013

We didn't do either. IMO these slow down/disrupt the party and don't really add a lot of value. Plus these traditions are losing steam as fewer and fewer people do them.

The bouquet toss is innocent enough (although I still think single guests feel pressured). But the garter toss... not innocent. There's nothing more awkward for everyone involved than a groom sticking his head up the dress of the bride while everyone watches him remove a piece of her lingerie. Yea, no. Then there's a whole new level of just-make-it-stop awkwardness when they force the catcher of the used lingerie put it on the catcher of the bouquet. No matter what role - either catcher, guest, bride, groom, DJ.... it's uncomfortable. So. Awkward. For. Everyone.

phira · August 2013

The last few weddings I've been to haven't had garter or bouquet tosses. I just had to sit here and think about it, too, because it's the kind of thing that you probably won't realize was left out!

So while I can't guarantee that NONE of your guests will notice that you've skipped a tradition, I'm inclined to believe that many of them will be completely oblivious and the rest will likely be very polite and not say anything if they do notice.

Glad that we could reduce your anxiety!

Jen4948 · August 2013

You can skip both.

mercimarie · August 2013

@prettybirdy27 I loved your post for the wonderful visual "spelunking up my dress" gave me! haha

allispain · August 2013

LeSwan85 said:

mercimarie said:

So, FI and I are want to skip the garter toss and the bouquet toss. FI and I don't have many single friends and I remember going to a wedding where I was all but dragged onto the dance flour with literally 2 other single women for a bouquet toss and I felt like it was Parade of the Spinsters. Last October FI and I went to a wedding where both of these were skipped and no one even noticed, however I am still waiting for that thank you card so I'm not exactly using this wedding as my beacon of etiquette. Anyway my questions is this; are these two.... activities (??) traditions that shouldn't be shirked or can I do away with this silliness?

This is a huge part of the reason why I'm going to be a real stubborn ass about this and refuse to do either toss no matter who my family claims will "expect" it. I hated the tosses as a single lady and eventually started refusing to go to the dance floor when they'd call for the tosses, choosing instead to use the time to get a drink refill.

Last time I was at a wedding that did one, I wasn't engaged yet (though I was already dating DH) and the friend I was with was single. We decided that would be an awesome time to go find the restroom. Where we stayed for about 10 minutes, just in case.

32daisies · August 2013

I caught the bouquet at my brother's wedding when I was 18. The guy who caught the garter was, well, skeezy, and quite a bit older. And the DJ wanted to make a whole sleazy thing out of him then putting the garter on my leg, and my brother marched up there and pointed out that I was his kid sister and to get his hands off. It was weird and embarrassing.

Since then, I have steadfastly refused to get up for the bouquet toss at any wedding I go to, on the grounds that I've already caught one and it's someone else's turn. Because being single all through my 30s, I too felt like I was being claimed for the Wall of Single Aged Ladies Shaming Ritual. I, too, often time a trip to the restroom at that moment, if possible, but if pressed I give my "already gave at the office" excuse.

So obviously we're not doing either. But it really is a YMMV, to each their own kind of thing. If you want it and you think it's fun, go ahead, but there's no problem with skipping it.

Is a garter necessary?

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