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Unsure about bridesmaids and bachelorette party

sandbagger18sandbagger18 member
First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
in Pre-wedding Parties

So I am almost being guilted into having my 2 sisters (which I'm ok with them) and my 2 FSIL as my bridal party. My oldest FSIL is adamant on being in her only brother's wedding, the other one doesn't care. If it were up to me, I would include my best friends. Unfortunately, it's a group of 5 girls who are in school all over the country, from California to Indiana to North Carolina. It just doesn't seem reasonable to expect all of them to be able to prepare for everything as a bridesmaid. Coordination and planning just seems like it would be a nightmare, not to mention that I think having 9 bridesmaids is excessive. Even if I left out my FSIL, it's too much. So, I think I am just going to have to have my 4 sisters as bridesmaids, with no maid of honor and it will be "just family" even though my FI will have friends in his. When I think about having a bachelorette party and getting ready for my wedding, I am not excited. My sisters are 10 and 14, his are 21 and 16. Maybe this is unreasonable, but I do not really want them at my bachelorette party. Every girl dreams of spending quality time with her best friends, not their little sisters. I wouldn't mind the oldest FSIL, but we're not that close. She can't really spend time planning anything either because she is getting married a month before us.Would it be weird to try to have my bachelorette party with my best friends, rather than my family? If that doesn't work out with them being spread all over the country, I could always do something with random friends at school, but I'd rather not do that. Would it also be weird if my best friends got ready with my the day of, even if they are not in the wedding? I don't necessarily care about the titles and what-not, I just want to be able to spend time with the people I am closest with, they are so special to me.  

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Re: Unsure about bridesmaids and bachelorette party

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    Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Suggest to your FI that he ask his sister to be one of his attendants. 

    You can have whoever you want at your bachelorette party-but someone else should offer to throw it for you rather than you doing it yourself.
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    itzMSitzMS member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    I answered you on Wedding Parties. If you're going to cross-post to multiple boards, put "XP" in front of your post.
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    rmaynarrmaynar
    First Comment 5 Love Its First Anniversary
    1.) Do not plan/throw your own bachelorette party.  It should be a gift to you by your family/friends/BMs.  If you get one, great!  If not, it isn't the end of the world.  With that being said, if someone plans a party that you are uncomfortable with, kindly decline. 
     
    2.) Ask whoever you would like to be your BMs.  If you really want your best girlfriends up there with you, ask them!  Let them make the call whether or not they can make it to the wedding.  Don't assume that they won't be able to or that you would be burdening them.  Just be open and honest that you would love them there, but understand if it isn't feasible.  Also, the WP sides don't have to be even.  Sure it looks nice when pictures are symmetrical, but all that matters is that those who you wanted to celebrate with you are standing by your side at the end of the day.
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    LQ82LQ82
    First Comment
    I don't see a problem with having your friends help you get ready even if they are not in the wedding party. But, like rmaynar said, it is not up to you to plan your bachelorette party, so there is no reason for you to be thinking/stressing out about it now. Usually if someone offers to throw you a party they include you in deciding who should be invited. If one of your friends, or oldest bridesmaid approaches you wanting to organize a party, you can give them input on who should be there, or you can decline to have one. I think everyone would understand if you only had 21+ girls invited to the bachelorette (however you would usually include all of them for a bridal shower). If your friends are organizing one and you choose not to invite any of your bridesmaids, just keep the party on the down low. There's no reason to announce to everyone that you are having a "get together" with some of your close friends before the wedding.
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    awilliams4020awilliams4020
    First Comment
    Okay I will say this, it's your wedding and you can have whoever and however many you want in it. I am possibly having 7 ladies, some are good friends and one is his sis, etc. Anyways have you talked to your girls about coming to your wedding? How do you know they won't be in it? And you need to have a bachelorette party cause you only supposed to get married once!! Good luck!
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    a13049a13049 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment Name Dropper
    You can choose who ever you want to be you bm. And as pp mentioned it doesn't have to be even. Maybe you could ask you sisters to be candle lighters and his sister could do a readying or lead a prayer. You could mix and have one of each be a candle lighter and one of each do a reading. It doesn't really matter, it's your weddig day. Maybe he could have his sisters pass out programs and bubbles. Of his sisters don't like the job they are give. Tuff cookies, it's your wedding and you get to choose your bm.
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    lizandmark2014lizandmark2014 member
    5 Love Its First Answer First Anniversary First Comment
    All my BM live in different states/ countries. I have one maid of honor and three BM. My maid of honor lives in TN. My BM live in MS, LA, and England. We all have communicated via phone, e-mail, text.
    They seem to have no problem planing. I did pick their dresses with none of them present. I know my friends/ BM well. One is plus sized, one is petite, the other two are average sized.
    A long distance bridle party is not a problem for me. I asked my BM if it was ok that my maid of honor had their contact info. Then they could plan as they needed.
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    lizandmark2014lizandmark2014 member
    5 Love Its First Answer First Anniversary First Comment
    I live in AL.
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    erinlin25erinlin25 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer First Comment
    just because they do not live close to you does not mean they cannot be a bridesmaid.  Pick the people who mean the most TO YOU not the ones who can do the most FOR you.  Yes, its likely you may not get a bachelorette party, but you never know it may still happen. 
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    mmmiler346mmmiler346 member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    I think the generally bachelorette parties are with your friend. Its your time to let lose and go a little wild with the girls. I would not want to worry about by under age sisters begin around.
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    sandbagger18sandbagger18 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    I actually got to talk to my friends about this and I feel so reassured! There is a reason that they are my best friends! And they will definitely be in the wedding along with the 4 sisters! :)
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